to get annoyed when DH speaks like this to waitresses, air hostesses, call centre/marketing women in front of me

[sodeveryone]

Example of a recent phonecall about his mortgage of which I only heard one end:

WHere are you from? Let me guess from your accent?

You sound irish, I bet you're Irish

No it's a very nice, very beautiful combination of features - freckles, pale and your accent sounds northern Irish. Where are you based? Ah I love Belfast.

to the girl behind a bar in New York a few months ago:

You have amazing colouring where are you from?

Oh really? I guessed from the colour of your eyes, they're hazel right?

(she leans in close to his face and says "no they're green")

DH: Oh I get it now, green eyes, black hair, that's very rare

(Turns to me and affirms) That's very rare you know!

So, he is generally disrespectful to women, and love wasting their time, as well as embarrassing them?

Why did you marry him?

Have you told him it makes you feel uncomfortable?

I think you need to tell him that the women will be thinking he's a tit for doing this and probably won't be impressed. I'd be mortified if a man did this to me, esp. in front of his wife. It's just cheesy patter and so embarrassing.

Why would you marry a man who has this trait? Do you not find him a bit of an annoying plonker?

Just tell him straight- he's married, it's sleazy and no, women are not impressed by this from a married (indeed any) man. Nip it in the bud!

Er, yanbu! [

God, I'd find it annoying in itself, it's not 'in front of you' that's the problem!

I'm sure someone will be along to tell you he's just being warm, trying to make them feel special, what sort of world do we live in where a friendly lecherous bit of interest in someone is taken amiss by the professionally offended &c &c. That person will, of course, be wrong .

Is he totally socially inept, or just a bog-standard buffoon?

The women on the receiving end of this are cringing, just in case it isn't blatantly obvious...

You get annoyed?

Oh dear!

I'd be walking away cringing in with embarrassment.

As for the poor women...

If he was just like that on the end of a sales call i'd say don't worry about it, being nice sometimes gets you a good deal. As for doing it at a bar etc, no, YANBU, disrespectful. Call him on it.

It sounds awful - and that he wants them to like him. He hasn't got another way of relating to women in these situations. He needs a role model or a swift kick

Was his dad like this?

Did he try this trick on you when you met?

(and it clearly worked if he did!)

Tell him it doesn't matter if they think he is funny/charming etc

He needs to act sensibly, respectfully, and in a friendly way and they will like him far more.

By the way it must make you feel lousy as well. I think you should be honest with him and tell him how rubbish it is. He probably doesn't realise.

I hate people who do this. It's so awkward. You either have to make it really hostile by not responding, and risk them turning hostile too, or play along while cringing and dying inside.

Don't ask him not to do it in front of you, ask him not to do it at all. For the sake of women everywhere, who really don't want to play some bizarre flirting game every time they have to speak to him. It's not complimentary, it's just odd and offputting.

It does sound cringey. What was his initial chat up line to you OP?

How disrespectful! This to me is a form of flirting and he is doing it while you're standing there with him. The women probably think you are his sister or his friend!

Tell him to pack it in and that if he doesn't, you'll start complimenting male waiters and barmen on their appearance and see how he enjoys that...

I wouldn't put up with this at ALL and would've nipped it in the bud the first time he did it. But then I am very ballsy and just tell my DH outright when he's being a prick annoying lol!

I would point out to him that he may not realise it but these women are being made to feel really uncomfortable by him. As he is a customer they have to be polite and put up with that drivel - whereas if he tried that in a more 'equal' setting he would probably be told to sod off or be ignored.

Does he want to come across as a sad old letch, because that's what he sounds like...

That should help

And yes PS I agree it is hugely disrespectful to you. Would he be happy with your leering at other men around him?

I would make a point of apologising for his behaviour in front of him

say something along the lines I do apologise for my husband being such an arse, hope the rest of your day is filling with lovely people instead of tits like him

Creepy for you and for the women he is a sleazing all over.

This is the guy whose brother uses prostitues/porn stars and has numerous affairs, and who went on holiday with him and a hooker?

Your husband hates women. He sees them as lesser beings than men. What are you going to do?

YABU.

Hes just being warm and trying to make them feel special. Nothing wrong with a harmless bit of flirting.

Horrible for the women he does it too and horrible for you too.

He needs taking in line.

Tryharder

Skintorama the one who had to sit at breakfast with her BIL's prostitute for a week? Yuck.