To think if a man doesn't want a baby he should make it his business to wear a condom

[JaffaMyCake]

A friend of mine has got pregnant off a casual FWB situation. She's ok with this and intends to keep the baby even though she isn't in a relationship with the father.

However the father has gone absolutely ballistic, called her a bitch etc and demands she has an abortion. He's adamant he doesn't want the baby or to pay child support.

The situation regarding contraception is that it was just never discussed and they continually had unprotected sex for about 3 months. He never asked if she was on the pill and she never told him she was.

So AIBU to think if he so adamantly did not want a baby with this woman he should have bloody well used protection, regardless of whether she suggested it or not?

I didn't expect people to agree with me, but I still think it's unfair. Two people make the same mistake, and only one has the choice on how it affects their life.

I will be teaching my boys that condoms are always their responsibility because that is their only chance to prevent the consequences, and I will be warning them that there are women out there that will get pregnant on purpose even if they say they don't want to. I know that's not exactly what happened in this case, but this woman was still deceitful.

Several of us have said that we have and will, Pixie. And that they would be foolish to take a partner's word on something so potentially life-changing and hazardous.
Contraception is the responsibility of the individual, especially in a casual relationship.

They both a get a choice, unfortunately biology dictates that the man's choice ends when he chooses to have penetrative sex without a condom and when he chooses to trust that the condom will not fail. He can also choose to abstain if he is certain that he does not want children with the woman willing to have sex with him.

That is the man's choice and it is a choice.

If you are man and you don't want children, wear a condom or abstain. It's that simple. Men have those options.

What do you think is less fair, CloudsandTrees? Being able to force someone to have an abortion or give birth against their will? Do you think women are farm animals?

Its not about taking someone else's word for it, its about being responsible for your OWN actions and choices.

I think this thread is definitely going a long way to explaining why it's so common for men to be sexually incontenent, irresponsible adolescents for the entirety of their lives

YY to this

Yes.

Assuming there were no lies.

If he didn't want the risk of a child then he should have (before sex) asked not assumed his sexual partner was on some form on contraception.

He could then have chosen to use a condom knowing the failure rate for them or not had sex.

He did not ask, he did not use a condom. The only person at fault for their contraceptive choice is him.

That he did not ask and did not ensure he was protected could be assumed that he was happy for the consequence of a child as much as he assumed the woman was dealing with contraception.

Absolutely no point him chucking his toys out the pram over his choices now.

Of course, we can imagine that his abject failure to even discuss contraception, let alone take the unprecedented step of using it, might have led this woman to suppose he was not entirely against having a baby either.

"I didn't expect people to agree with me, but I still think it's unfair. Two people make the same mistake, and only one has the choice on how it affects their life"

I do agree with you, its not right that only one person gets to define the future of the pregnancy and the other has to pay up no matter what.

I also find it very hard to believe the bloke wasn't led to believe she had contraception quite early in a 3 month relationship.

The lesson for our sons is to use condoms no matter what has been promised re contraception - especially if there is a possibility of a biological clock ticking......

I doubt that contraception was never discussed, but this thread is why a man should always use a condom.

(and if it ever becomes available the male pill)

It's not particularly fair that although there are two of us, and we have two children, I had to carry both of them.

You cannot redress biological "unfairness" with the law.

Men have a choice. If you choose to have sex, then there is a chance of pregnancy. You can significantly reduce that risk by using a condom. This is perfectly common knowledge.

If you choose firstly to take the risk, then your next choice is whether to minimize the risk. Men have choices.

We are, as I said, assuming that she knew he was against her getting pregnant while she wasn't. His actions to prevent it were as non-existent as hers, why do we assume that she didn't think he'd mind either?

"I didn't expect people to agree with me, but I still think it's unfair. Two people make the same mistake, and only one has the choice on how it affects their life."

Whichever choice the woman makes though, there's never an easy choice.

A man has an easy choice. Do I want to have sex with this woman? Yes. In that case shall I bother to put this bit of rubber, which could save our lives and prevent an unwanted pregnancy, on my penis or shall I leave all that responsibility down to her because it feels a bit better without it and I can't be bothered?

The fact that he has to make his, agreeably more limited but final choice, at an earlier stage than a woman might have to make hers, isn't fair. But it's nature. Which is why it's vital that he makes the right one before he has sex. Shouting "it's not fair" after the fact won't change anything, and nor should it because to suggest any other way is to put women and children at risk of abuse.

I have a son too young for this talk as yet, but I have spent years reminding my niece that once you are pregnant you can never go back. You have to go forward with a pregnancy or a termination and neither is an easy choice.

And I will tell my son what I tell my niece and my nephew. A sensible man would always wear a condom regardless of whatever other contraception was in use. A decent man would always wear one. There is no such thing as 100% safe sex and once a pregnancy occurs there is no easy way out, no easy decision for anybody. Men do not have the right to control a woman's body. Nature is not fair, to either party.

Apolcalys: if they did not discuss contraception, i very doubt they discussed having a baby together

he wanted sex without a condom. he got sex without a condom. asking if she was on the pill would have lead to him having to behave responsibly. which i doubt he wanted.

No, men don't have the right to control a women's body.

But a woman shouldn't have the right to control a mans finances.

It would be better for everyone concerned if men were able to waive their rights and responsibilities in the same way a woman is if she chooses to abort or to give a child up for adoption.

That way, women wouldn't kid themselves that the man might come through and love their child when he simply won't, and she will be able to make an informed choice about her pregnancy and how she pays for it.

Personally, I feel very lucky to be the one that had to carry and feed the babies, I think men miss out there.

IT'S NOT FAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR
Woman - make it right

Hats the point, Faste. Had they discussed it, he might have found out some useful information. But he didn't. He made an assumption, we imagine, because we don't really know. I'm just hypothesizing that, in the absence of any word or action to the contrary from him, she might have assumed that he was as ok with pregnancy resulting from unprotected sex as she was.

stupid manchildren

trust me dh isn't missing out. been sick 3 times today. and in a few short months I get to push another 10 pounder most likely a baby out of my vagina.

fucking magical