To think if a man doesn't want a baby he should make it his business to wear a condom

[JaffaMyCake]

A friend of mine has got pregnant off a casual FWB situation. She's ok with this and intends to keep the baby even though she isn't in a relationship with the father.

However the father has gone absolutely ballistic, called her a bitch etc and demands she has an abortion. He's adamant he doesn't want the baby or to pay child support.

The situation regarding contraception is that it was just never discussed and they continually had unprotected sex for about 3 months. He never asked if she was on the pill and she never told him she was.

So AIBU to think if he so adamantly did not want a baby with this woman he should have bloody well used protection, regardless of whether she suggested it or not?

Until men start taking responsibility for contraception, women can take advantage.

And as women have no need for a man under their roof these days but still have the urge to breed I'd say ... tough luck

Times have changed ... shaming/blaming women for something that could have been prevented if the man was responsible is ... well just ridiculous and old fashioned imo

As an aside, I think women are something like 3x more likely to contract an STD from a man than men are from a woman.

The risks of sex for men and women are not equal.

He is absolutely responsbile for not preventing pregnancy himself if he didn't want a child.

She is responsible for not choosing a better father for her baby if she wanted one that badly.

Another stupid woman giving us a bad name. I can see while he now feels trapped. She has deliberately got pregnant, albeit he should have also done something to prevent it too if he didn't want it, but now he is totally powerless. The woman gets to decide his future in a life changing way and there is nothing he can do. He has no say if he wants her to have an abortion, and I'm not suggesting that he should be able to force her too, but also he can't say he would raise it if she wants an abortion. I suppose what I'm trying to say is she holds all the cards now to his future, she still has choices but he doesn't. And that loss of any control has just hit him. Yes he should have control what he could by wearing a condom or not having fwb sex.

I can't believe that some of the posters here think they have a Ruhr to c

What lie of omission is he guilty of?.
And I am that anyone thinks that this man is not entitled to have his own feelings about this. How controlling to think you can control the feelings of another human being.

But why has the father has gone absolutely ballistic ?

It sounds most likely she has lied about contraception (explicitly or implicitly).

Or else, he's a complete moron, in which case why would she have unprotected sex with him ?

Dione, she didnt ever say she was on the pill. He didnt ever say he'd had the snip. Yet she is being called a liar and he the victim. Why?

"I suppose what I'm trying to say is she holds all the cards now to his future, she still has choices but he doesn't"

How's that then? A man still has the choice about involvement or not. The CSA has nothing to do with contact. He can also escape the CSA fairly easily if the woman involved doesn't know his details/moving abroad /being self employed etc. He's home free until the CSA make contact which can be many years down the line and none of it is back dated.

Women still have to make the worse choice which is whether to kill the potential life inside them.

So what happens if she now finds out that she and the baby have contracted HIV from him ?

Now it's too late for her to have a "tantrum" re their unprotected sex.

What a wonderful world, eh ?

"she didnt ever say she was on the pill. He didnt ever say he'd had the snip. Yet she is being called a liar and he the victim. Why?"

^^That.

He's the fool if he didn't even ask, they're both old enough to know what sex leads to and if he didn't want a child then he should have used protection, just as she should have if she didn't.

He had a choice to use a condom, he didn't bother.

My opinion would be a little more sympathetic had she lied but still pretty much the same. You take control of your own fertility and any man that calls a woman a bitch and demands an abortion because he chose not to use protection is an utter twunt.

And they had been having sex for 3 months, had they been in a relationship for 3 months I bet a lot less people would be screaming about STI's. Unless every person on this thread had their partners tested before they decided to have children?

SPB the OP said that she thinks that her friend deliberately did not bring up the issue because she wanted to get pregnant. The deliberate non disclosure of pertinent information is a lie of omission.

But he didnt disclose that hed done nothing about contraception either. I fail to see the difference really. He deliberately didnt say oh and my little swimmers are still fully wriggly

IMO it doesn't matter if she wanted to get pregnant or not. This is 2013 people, woman cant get pregnant on their own, and unless they knock a man out cold and steal his sperm, we cant trick them neither.

What is so hard to understand that a man is solely responsible for his own fertility. Since men cant have babies they are given a clear choice pre piv. Either abstain, get the snip, or wear a condom (bearing in mind that the latter two only minimise the risk of pregnancy and only the abstaining 100% guarantees no pregnancy ). ITS NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE. Once they have made their choice, it is then out of their hands, and if the end result is not what they want, then they only have themselves to blame.

As an aside, as a woman, I would never assume that a man had had a snip, or taken their pill (if it was available). Who the fuck relies on a fwb to take care of their contraception.

Dione so, by your argument, he is equally guilty of lying by omission when he failed to disclose that he a) hadn't had the snip/wasn't infertile and b) that, despite the fact that he wasn't going to take any level of responsibility for his fertility, he would reserve the right to 'go ballistic' should the obvious happen and she becomes pregnant.

He deliberately didn't bring the subject up, because he is an irresponsible person, for whom consequences don't matter, until they are presented to him. And then he reserves the right to go ballistic about them.

Mumoftwoyoungkids I was trying, in a slightly cack-handed way, to suggest that there really aren't any circumstances under which it would be acceptable for a man who has fathered a child to be able to 'waive his responsibilities'. Even couples who take every precaution under the sun, up to and including taking the MAP run a risk of conception. If someone is adult enough to get it on, they must accept that they are adult enough to bear the consequences.

However, loving the 'It's the woman's fault, the scheming bitch' comments, good to see that misogynistic double standards are alive and well!

If someone is adult enough to get it on, they must accept that they are adult enough to bear the consequences.

The voice of reason :D

He sounds like a right idiot. Did he miss the sex education classes at school?

when you stick Mr. Happy inside somebody?s hoo-ha without a raincoat, that?s the kinda shit that happens.

(from True Blood).

SPB we don't know that he didn't tell her that. Maybe he did.

And we don't know that she wanted to use him to get pregnant. Maybe she didn't.

The OP (who hasn't come back for some time) assumed so. As did a lot of others on this thread.

Well Dione if he did tell her that his sperm was in full working order he will surely have been aware of what happens to full working sperm is inserted into a womans vagina. Moral of the story - Your fertility is your look out, dont expect anyone else to take responsibility for it.

"SarahAndFuck" - Does it matter? Some women do want to get pregnant because they have the bits that enable that. They also have a limited time to do it in.
Men only aid the process and can do so for at least 20 years after women have to give up.

Not sure why "not having a baby" is considered the standard seeing as actually there are more women than men! Perhaps that thinking should change in the future.