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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if a man doesn't want a baby he should make it his business to wear a condom

434 replies

JaffaMyCake · 15/07/2013 11:57

A friend of mine has got pregnant off a casual FWB situation. She's ok with this and intends to keep the baby even though she isn't in a relationship with the father.

However the father has gone absolutely ballistic, called her a bitch etc and demands she has an abortion. He's adamant he doesn't want the baby or to pay child support.

The situation regarding contraception is that it was just never discussed and they continually had unprotected sex for about 3 months. He never asked if she was on the pill and she never told him she was.

So AIBU to think if he so adamantly did not want a baby with this woman he should have bloody well used protection, regardless of whether she suggested it or not?

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 15/07/2013 19:45

Stupid women who think that men shouldn't have to offer financial support for their own children and should be entitled to abidicate responsibility at ever single point in their feckless existences.

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 19:46

what about men who claim to have had a vasectomy? or who have all ready got 20kids being paid for by the state?

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 19:48

children supported by one parent are more likely to live in poverty. cloud are you an MRA?

TheFallenMadonna · 15/07/2013 19:49

My experience of pregnancy may be somewhat different to yours then...

Women don't have control of men's finances when they have a child together. What an odd thing to say.

I actually can see this from both sides. My biological father made no contribution, material or otherwise, to my upbringing, which left me free to have an uncomplicated father daughter relationship with my adoptive father. But my sister's similar situation has not had a similarly straightforward outcome. And looking at wider society, I think a waiving of responsibility by one parent is something to be strongly discouraged.

thebody · 15/07/2013 19:53

poor child.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/07/2013 19:54

It is fundamentally wrong that the woman can make such a life changing choice for someone else

Well he should have put a bloody condom on then! He made the choice when he decided not to! He wasn't railroaded into fatherhood, he knew that would be a possible consequence of having unprotected sex.

I can't believe that some people are giving this bloke the sympathy vote.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/07/2013 19:59

Is it fair that she can stop taking contraception and have a child with out consent?----- No its not

Should he be forced to pay for a child he did not want want but helped create?--------Yes.

StealthPolarBear · 15/07/2013 20:03

"ApocalypseThen Mon 15-Jul-13 19:45:17

Stupid women who think that men shouldn't have to offer financial support for their own children and should be entitled to abidicate responsibility at ever single point in their feckless existences."

Oh yes very true. There are plenty of women willing to make everything fucking perfect in a man's life, because god forbid a MAN should ever not have everything be perfect for him. Screw what happens to her, that's just biological unfairness. Stupid women me included

Eyesunderarock · 15/07/2013 20:07

The stupidity seems to be equally divided between the two adults involved here. The consequence is a child.

CloudsAndTrees · 15/07/2013 20:08

I don't know what one of those is Humps.

Boney, if you believe that one person should be forced to pay for a child they didn't want but knowingly helped create, then why shouldn't another person be forced to carry a child they didn't want but knowingly helped create?

Now, I don't agree with making women carry children they don't want either, but I think things have to work both ways. If we want equality for the sexes, then in my mind that means that we can make equal choices over whether we are responsible for children we created or not.

I don't think it's ok that a man can be forced to pay financially for 18 years, when a woman can take away a mans right to be a father to the child they both created.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 15/07/2013 20:10

If you believe that it's unfair that women can 'force' fatherhood on a man against his will and that men should be allowed to vanish out of a child's life as if they never existed then you are a bit thick really, aren't you?

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 20:11

you can't have "equality" until men gave uteri

you're behaving like someone I used to know.

that person was a complete fucking idiot.

Eyesunderarock · 15/07/2013 20:11

Clouds, equal rights means that if he changes and truly wants to be a father, he will have the right to challenge for custody in the courts.
What you are proposing seems akin to the current thinking in the more Republican states of America, or possibly Ireland. Not human-rights friendly.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 15/07/2013 20:13

^point proven

TheFallenMadonna · 15/07/2013 20:14

And you think that a termination and not being required to pay for a child for 18 years are equivalent?

There can't be equivalence. You can't make it fair for the adults involved (and I think you could argue unfairness from both sides).

What you can do is require parents to be responsible for a child once they have been born.

StealthPolarBear · 15/07/2013 20:14

"Boney, if you believe that one person should be forced to pay for a child they didn't want but knowingly helped create, then why shouldn't another person be forced to carry a child they didn't want but knowingly helped create?"

Bloody hell

revealall · 15/07/2013 20:15

Clouds - Historically women had no choices.Guess who lost out.
Now woman have choices and guess who still gets blamed?

Making men responsible is the only way to make pregnancy a joint decision.

CloudsAndTrees · 15/07/2013 20:18

Yes, he would have the right to challenge for custody/residency, but he has no choice over whether his child actually gets born or not.

And if we can't have equality then we could at least make it fairer by allowing men to waive their rights and responsibilities. Things would still be more in favour of women when it comes to children if we did that, but it would mean that people of both sexes were encouraged to be responsible for their own lives as individuals.

TheFallenMadonna · 15/07/2013 20:20

What do you mean by "take responsibility for their own lives as individuals" in the context of a child being born as a result of them having sex?

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 15/07/2013 20:21

Clouds
What about the child's right to know their parents? A fairly fundamental principle that we agree is very important for children's well being and stability as they grow into adults. Should we fuck these children over just to make sure we aren't being meanies to the poor menz?

D0oinMeCleanin · 15/07/2013 20:21

'but he has no choice over whether his child actually gets born or not'

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 20:22

I'm 100 percent pro choice. It's not a choice I could make unless it was the better option for the child though. even if I really didn't want, even if I wanted to cry every day. I'd be forced to be pregnant and give birth. and then support it myself apparently.

how many kids are feckless husbands allowed to have before they should have to pay? and how long would they have in the pregnancy to change their mind? what if they do it 35 weeks? should she just abort then?

MyHumpsMyLovelyBabyBumps · 15/07/2013 20:24

cloud men who don't want children can have a vasectomy. and so they should if they won't pay

ApocalypseThen · 15/07/2013 20:24

She should bloody well do as she's told, the worthless cow.

Dahlen · 15/07/2013 20:24

Again, it's not about what's fair to the parents, it's about what's fair for the CHILD. - which is support from both.