To give up on this date

[watchforthesnail]

Had a great first date last monday, so great the second date was planned the same day, for tomorrow night.

since then hes kind of dropped off the face of the earth, what was daily contact, lots of texts and things throughout the day has dropped to something like 10 messages over 6 days. Knowing he was busy this weekend i messaged to say have a nice weekend, which he recieved but didnt reply to.

Not being one to be passive about these things i sent him a message saying i wasnt sure what was up, but that if he had changed his mind that was fine and to just let me know as i didnt want to message someone when it wasnt wanted.

He immediatley replied and told me he had been crazy busy and we would chat soon. That was 48 hours ago. Nothing since. He is away this weekend with friends but has been using his phone/internet as i can see hes updated various things.....

Second date is meant to be tomorrow. Just how long am i meant to keep hanging on waiting to hear? Some friends have said i should just wait and give him a chance, others have said to send something cancelling it.

Im in two minds what to do. Give up?!!

[watchforthesnail]

Of course. It would however been better had he had been honest and said sooner.

Its happened to me plenty of times before. im sure ill be ok. Its just a bit rubbish, thats all :(

[MissStrawberry]

If he calls/texts and wants to meet up why play games by being unavailable? If you want to see him, see him. If he then makes you feel like he isn't that bothered about you and isn't giving you what you want, then call it quits. Why cut your nose off to spite your face when you like him? If you said you could meet up and then when he calls to suggest when/where and you say you can't now then he will wonder wtf is going on. I doubt he is playing games. He either doesn't want to see you again and is going about it in a cruel way or he does and he thinks all is fine. Men sometimes act differently to us. That is quite an important thing to remember.

[Wowserz129]

I can understand why you feel he is being different. I think he is no longer interested for one reason or another. If he was really into you he would have firmed up the plans by now. It takes 10 seconds to text and say lets meet at X place at Y time. I think I would cancel no matter what or it just looks like you are at his every whim. Sounds like he is a classic time waster! Onwards and upwards OP.

[Sallystyle]

I understand why you are concerned, a massive change between the tone and texts would make me wonder too.

He hasn't arrange any plans so you were obviously right, he doesn't seem like he does want to know.

His loss!!

[watchforthesnail]

onwards and upwards.... yes. hard to do sometimes. Ive had this happen to me 4 times since feb already. It gets very tiring.

Still not heard anything.

[missmarplestmarymead]

How upsetting for you. To me, there does seem to be a change in his manner, although you did give him a chance to get out, which he declined to take and so I can see how you feel you are in No Man's Land.

Could you send him a quick text, saying that the babysitter can't come until 8.30, so would it be possible to meet him a little later or would he prefer to re-arrange? I do feel for you though.

[watchforthesnail]

im not texting him.
Its not going to solve anything. He KNOWS he has a date with me later, i already sent the text giving him an out. im not chasing after him anymore.

Its just so crap. I know last weeks date was good. it was just over 4 hours long. It would have been shorter if it were rubbish. A few times i said i should go, but we just carried on chatting. He turned his phone off ( which he uses for work) which he said he never does. It was a great date. I have no confusion over that. The second date was set up the same day.

Its just such a turnaround in such a short space of time. its horrible.

[MorrisZapp]

Well that's all a bit crap isn't it, sorry OP.

One thing though about men who are 'too shy to make the first move'. I'd say that nine times out of ten, they're perfectly capable of making the first move.

If your guy is the one in ten who really can't, it still only applies once. After you've met and had a date, it is no longer a first move. If he fails to make contact after an enjoyable meeting where you were clear you'd like to do it again, shyness is irrelevant. He just doesn't want to do it again.

I know that sounds hard, but years of stressing over this stuff has taught me a lot. The facts are the facts.

[watchforthesnail]

but why didnt he take the out when i offered it to him on friday

i mean, if that was the case why didnt he just say ' yeah, lets leave it'

[poopyisapig]

Because he's a coward hoping it will all blow over quietly?

I've read this thread as this happened to me so many times it was unreal. Sorry it's happened to you. It's frustrating when you've had a first date that's gone we'll and it goes cold.

I wish people (men and women) would realise that it actually hurts less to be told 'I'm sorry, you are great but it won't work out' rather than being left with nothing.

All this peetering out with contact etc is so ridiculous! I hav a male friend that does it, he reckons they will get the message and give up. It's a cruel way to treat people.

[watchforthesnail]

it is very hurtful, hence me sending that text, in a bid to try and stop this from happening you know. it was clear the writing was on the wall then. i just didnt want to spend another 3 days not knowing and then end up really deflated and upset on the day, as what is happening now.

Its just a really shitty thing to do.

[claudedebussy]

yup he didn't want to deal with it.

[watchforthesnail]

we have contact!!!!!!!

[CatelynStark]

Yes, it is shitty and cruel. I'm still smarting two weeks later - it was my first date in the three years since my divorce so the whole experience has sent me sloping off with my tail between my legs.

:(

[CatelynStark]

Ooh! Spill!! :)

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

My bet is on that he was actually busy, and you are still on for later?

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

(Good luck, if so! Enjoy yourself :) )

[poopyisapig]

But deal with what though?

I think some of these men have totally over inflated egos. It happened to me once after a text thing and a date with a friend of a friend - exactly the same as you op.

A few years later, I bumped into him at the mutual friends wedding. I was married to ex h by then so I sort of joked about what happened. He said sorry, but I didn't contact you again as I didn't want to deal with you saying you wanted to kill yourself or something because I didn't want to see you again!!

Jesus wept. I was speachless.

[SaucyJack]

YANBU. My gut feeling reading this is that he's just seen someone else online that he prefers the look of, but still wants to keep you as a back up plan.

Sorry. I've done online dating meself and it really sucks.

[watchforthesnail]

catelyn sorry, its utterly crap. its happened to more more times than i can remember. Just recently there was one who i had a great first date with, he invited me away for the next weekend, we even spoke on the phone mid week, then when i text to firm up details, he never replied. That was bad. I was stood up 2 weeks ago.....

i dont know why people lack manners. its nasty.

anyway - hes text. finally. he will know ive seen it. and im just going to wait a little while before i reply. and he can sit and wait and wonder whats going on.

[poopyisapig]

Oh gosh! What?!

[watchforthesnail]

and now i have an appology

[CatelynStark]

I'm glad he's texted you and I hope you have a lovely time, should you choose to go :)

[IWantToBeAtreee]

What an absolute wuss. Its very unmanly to let someone hang like that. Only a weak mam would do that.

You're best off out of it OP.

He's probably gay.

[IWantToBeAtreee]

X posted!!

Appologised for being gay? Or appologised for not contacting you?