To give up on this date

[watchforthesnail]

Had a great first date last monday, so great the second date was planned the same day, for tomorrow night.

since then hes kind of dropped off the face of the earth, what was daily contact, lots of texts and things throughout the day has dropped to something like 10 messages over 6 days. Knowing he was busy this weekend i messaged to say have a nice weekend, which he recieved but didnt reply to.

Not being one to be passive about these things i sent him a message saying i wasnt sure what was up, but that if he had changed his mind that was fine and to just let me know as i didnt want to message someone when it wasnt wanted.

He immediatley replied and told me he had been crazy busy and we would chat soon. That was 48 hours ago. Nothing since. He is away this weekend with friends but has been using his phone/internet as i can see hes updated various things.....

Second date is meant to be tomorrow. Just how long am i meant to keep hanging on waiting to hear? Some friends have said i should just wait and give him a chance, others have said to send something cancelling it.

Im in two minds what to do. Give up?!!

[HollaAtMeBaby]

Frankly, your behaviour and your posts make you sound mental and needy. This is the sort of thing that makes normal people run for the hills! Of course you were texting loads before your first date, that's how it is when you meet online, it's all part of getting things off the ground. Once you've met, you know you like each other, you know you're seeing each other again, you can relax it a bit. 10 messages in 6 days is more than enough.

I went out with a guy like this recently (also met online) and dumped him after our second date partly because he bombarded me with texts all the time after we first met. I felt pressured to respond and it made me feel that like he didn't respect my boundaries and was too needy. I also thought if we shared every details of our days, we'd have nothing to talk about when we met in person again. I have a job, a life, and better things to do than text back and forth all day like a teenager.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

I would like to hear about the "granny shagger", by the way :)

[watchforthesnail]

calling me mental and needy isnt going to make me share stories with you, sorry.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

Eh, if you're that sensitive you shouldn't be doing online dating anyway!

[ShoutyCrackers]

You're not mental and you're not needy. But you've taken your eye off the ball here and you're over complicating it.

Here's how I see it - you chatted back and forth for a period of time before you met. That's usual and normal. You then met. He's come away from that date thinking something different to you. He's thinking ' not for me. ' Now, why he's thinking that is anyone's guess and you're brilliant so it's entirely his loss - but his loss or not, he just wasn't that into you.

You had your answer the minute the contact started to dwindle and then dropped away. I wouldn't have sent the text that you did because , deep down, you knew the answer anyway.

So - chalk this one up to experience - just another chapter in the book. All you need to do is keep plugging away and eventually you're going to find the one that's right for you. Just a question of time. I don't really see - apart from the text showing that you gave a toss - that you could have played this one any differently, so just forget it now , delete him from various social sites and get back in the saddle.

Oh and don't paint your nails yellow again - heh heh

[LessMissAbs]

Whats with the dating on Mondays thing anyway? I can understand one date on a Monday, but surely the weekend might be a better option if you are serious about each other?

And why would you want more than 10 messages in 6 days from someone you've only met once before anyway? Whats the point in each of you putting on some fake act that you are madly in love when you barely know each other? Is it some kind of online dating etiquette? If so, I can understand the drop off, no-one can keep up that amount of fakery for long. Love at first sight must surely be rare.

btw I'd just ignore him as soon as he doesn't rely to one text. Ignoring men is very potent.

[ShoutyCrackers]

I'm not dating and have a partner but have past experience in this area. It's not a ' fake act ' or acting madly in love. It's the ebb and flow of a chatty conversation - this stuff is tricky when you have children to think of and are unable to just trip out on a Saturday night

[ShoutyCrackers]

And how would anyone know they were serious about each other after one date over an ice cream? Your post makes little sense abs

[CatelynStark]

Snail - you are not mental or needy.

Some people just don't understand unless they've been in the same situation themselves

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Holla, calling someone mental and needy and then saying they're sensitive for not finding that a totally neutral statement is, hmmmmm, a bit rich.

OP, trust your instincts. Sounds like you are though, anyway.

[sandwichyear]

I genuinely think this one could go either way. BUT the only way you can claw it back is to cancel the babysitter anyway. If he then calls as if he is all on for the date, you must absolutely 100% resist the urge to sound pissed off/bitter/ annoyed in any way etc etc but say in a really friendly, lovely way: Oh i'm so sorry, I hadn't heard from you about plans so I assumed it wasn't happening any more. What a shame- lets do it another time." Don't mention babysitting arrangements etc or go into any detail about what you are doing instead (leaving him free to assume that you might have another date/ something more exciting lined up) then leave it absolutely up to him to make arrangements for a different night and be more specific about it. That way, you leave the door open a crack if he is interested but are realistic about the strong possibility that he isn't. Good luck OP. This kind of thing is exhausting!

[outingmyselfprobably]

All of this after one date? Wow. You're not 'mental' but it is all rather odd.

Calm down is the best advice offered here.

You agreed to have a date tomorrow, right? So what is the problem? If it's that he isn't texting you enough that's your problem not his.

Again, calm down!

[KateMiddletonsMum]

I feel for you, it's not a nice situation to be in, been there!
I do hope you get the right outcome. I bet he contacts you just as you're sitting down to tea tomorrow...!

[allaflutter]

not sure I'd date anyone who says that he 'never' would initiate contact, and to message him instead. WTF? Even if he really likes the sound f someone on the site, and thinks she may suit him down to a t, he wouldn't message? Does he at least mark people as favourites? if neither, then I don't think he's ready for any dating full stop - no big loss as he has issues.

[allaflutter]

but good decisin to wait till tomorrow - he may be just odd and awkward to start with, but if he relies on your intiative after date two (if it happens), forget it!

[allaflutter]

Generally, one of advice I like from the (somewhat ridiculous) Rules is: men are never really 'shy', they are just not really, really interested in that woman.

[WafflyVersatile]

I'd be the same, OP. I'm not sure why some people don't see what you're getting at.

[differentnameforthis]

I used to go days without speaking to my boyfriend when I was younger. When we started seeing each other I was 15 (25yrs ago) & we would go days between seeing each other with no contact. He said he would see me x day, I said I would see him x day, sometimes we would talk, sometimes not. He would call if things changed, as I would call him. Having to wait to see/talk to him gave us heaps to talk about, because we weren't in constant contact we hadn't exhausted all our 'news', so to speak!

We managed to plan living together this way too. No texts in the middle of the day to say the mortgage lender had called & said x,y,z/ the estate agent needed a,b,c just a quick chat about it when I saw him next.

My point is, years ago we all managed to conduct relationships/businesses/lives without being in immediate contact 24/7 & we all made it through. I love my phone & email etc, but things were so much easier & less stressful then.

[WafflyVersatile]

Which completely misses the point. You can now and he was before the date then it dropped off sharply.

[watchforthesnail]

and when that happened i did of course know what that meant..

i did try to convince myself he was just busy etc but if he could make time before the date there was no reason he cpuldnt after.

i had just really liked him and hoped otherwise.

still havent heard anything.

[fluffyraggies]

Morning OP.

I would def. be unavailable tonight if i were you. After that - play it by ear.

We're all different and some MNers will disagree, of course, but to get a second date with me i'd expect a guy to work harder and seem a lot more interested than this bloke is being right now.

[piratecat]

as someone said. don't be available at such short notice today.
don't say about sitters and stuff just say oh i thought it was off as i haven't heard from you.

[watchforthesnail]

i agree fluffy....

hes got till lunch. but every hour that goes past is worse in his favour. if he waits till afterlunch i will be unavaliable. but i dont expect i am.actually going to hear from him in any case.

my friend checked match and hes not been online sincewe took our chat off there. and hes not logged intowhatsapp ( what we were chatting on) since friday evening.

[watchforthesnail]

pirate,.if hes in contact thats what i will say. but at this point i think its unlikely he will be in contact.

bit of a shit situation all round as i was a bit hopeful with this one.

[CissyMeldrum]

Sorry that you are feeling disappointed OP ,but stay positive you are probably better off finding this out now rather than later. Treat yourself to lunch and indulge in some "people watching". Good luck.