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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is he?

119 replies

boomboomfirepower · 14/07/2013 10:24

My fiancé has just broken up with me. I honestly don't know who is right here.

I went out with a few friends recently and he said he wasn't keen on me going out without him because he worries. So I was invited to a bbq party thing on a friends boat, I brought my fiance along with me. We were having fun, a few drinks. I took the canoe out with a female friend of mine for literally less than ten minutes. He was sat moodily gazing into the water when I got back and wouldn't talk to anyone. Then he disappeared for two hours before texting me to say he does not like spending time with my friends because I was neglecting him and not giving him any attention. He said he felt like I didn't love him.

When he came back I was annoyed that he had just left like that. And we had an argument. I am incredibly ashamed to say that I slapped him. Which I know I shouldn't have done. We were a little drunk and tempers were frayed. So obviously he broke up with me, took my house keys to remove all of his stuff from my house and then he drove home drunk.

The next day I thought I convinced him to forgive me. As I had been upset my friends offered to take me out to cheer me up, but as soon as he found out I had gone out he flipped out and text me loads of abuse and said he couldn't be fucked with me.

I don't know what to do. I want to be with him but I don't know if he is right, or if he was perhaps over reacting.

Help!

OP posts:
strawberryblondebint · 14/07/2013 10:26

Run like the wind!!

Whothefuckfarted · 14/07/2013 10:27

You shouldn't have slapped him.

Besides that, move on ASAP. He sounds childish, Clearly doesn't trust you, I'd consider it a lucky escape.

GetStuffezd · 14/07/2013 10:27

Why do you want to be someone who wants to keep you on a leash like a disobedient pppy? You were obviously wrong to slap, but he sounds terrible.

RaisingChaotic · 14/07/2013 10:27

What strawberry said.

MrsTomHardy · 14/07/2013 10:28

Get rid of him ASAP

thistlelicker · 14/07/2013 10:28

Red flags galore!

brilliantwhite · 14/07/2013 10:29

sounds like you have had a lucky escape from this controller.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/07/2013 10:29

He doesn't like you seeing your friends.

Read this statement and see what's wrong with it. I hope alarm bells are ringing for you, for god's sake keep away from him.

babyhmummy01 · 14/07/2013 10:29

He is bvu not you.

Slapping him was wrong but kicking off about ur mates is out of order. You have had a lucky escape from a potentially EA relationship

NachoAddict · 14/07/2013 10:29

I agree you have had a lucky escape. He sounds manipulative and self centered.

Having said that, you were totally wrong for slapping him. Bad relationship all round.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/07/2013 10:30

This man is not the man for you.

Let him go. Find somebody who doesn't want to behave like a good girl all the time. You will be happier.

sallysourire · 14/07/2013 10:30

YANBU except about the slap. Make sure he takes ALL his stuff and get the key back TODAY.

jacks365 · 14/07/2013 10:31

You are not good for each other so run while you can.

numbum · 14/07/2013 10:31

Has he not got his own friends to go out with?

He sounds like hard work and you'll be better off without him

ZingWidge · 14/07/2013 10:33

I wouldn't marry a sulking toddler.

nor should you

good riddance is what this is. you'll get over him. and thank goodness for your lovely friends!

onedev · 14/07/2013 10:33

I agree too - Run! You shouldn't have slapped him but none of what you describe is right.

mynameisslimshady · 14/07/2013 10:37

He is an emotionally manipulative, moody and childish, and showing huge red flags left, right and centre and you assaulted him.

Sounds like the pair of you are better off apart.

Nanny0gg · 14/07/2013 10:43

You've had a very lucky escape.

Block his number and have no further contact.

Birdsgottafly · 14/07/2013 10:45

It depends on whether your friends made him feel welcome and spoke to him.

I had an ex who used to insist on me going to family parties, then he would wander off and go outside to smoke, whilst no-one spoke to me, i have left on more than one occasion.

He did also used to hit me and i now am sorry that i didn't finish it the first time he hit me.

You should of swapped genders, you would of got a completely different response.

What is your question? Should he just ignore that you have hit him, because he is male and you are female? No he shouldn't, nor should you.

The other bit was easy to work out between you, if your friends made him welcome, then he is out of order.

On on occasion when my ex had hit me, he to carried on as though nothing had happened and met up with friends, whilst i was all over the place. That is a massive red flag, i don't know how you got on with your day, tbh.

You hit someone and you felt that the most important thing was to accept your friends invitation for you to feel better, if you were male, you would be getting flamed.

WhoNickedMyName · 14/07/2013 10:48

He's controlling, you're violent... A bad mix, and you're better off apart.

happydaze77 · 14/07/2013 10:48

Leave him. A Jealous, controlling relationship can very easily become a violent, abusive relationship. Trust me.

YouTheCat · 14/07/2013 10:49

Slapping him was wrong... you should have given him a swift kick in a gonads to make sure he never reproduces.

Seriously though, is he 4?

You have had a lucky escape.

outingmyselfprobably · 14/07/2013 10:50

You are both well rid. He sounds a nightmare and you are violent. You need to stay away from him and you can work on your domestic violence issues.

saintlyjimjams · 14/07/2013 10:51

If he's this controlling before you're married god knows what he would be like once you were. Run for the hills while you can.

Birdsgottafly · 14/07/2013 10:54

There must be a back story, if he is already your fiance, this isn't a new relationship.

There are red flags on both sides, the OP could be the abusive one, violence is violence, whether carried out by a male or female.

Read the relationship board, it is very easy to make the one on the receiving end look like the controlling nut case.

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