Hi
I have a 4yo DD from a previous relationship and a 3 week old DD from this relationship. DP and i have been together for 3 and a half years. It's not been easy.
He goes out 4 nights a week (drinking) and works 7 days a week 6.30am-6.30pm. He occasionally gets a weekend off but it's been 6 weeks since his last day off. He takes all the overtime he can get to clear his mortgage out of arrears. We share my rented house atm because his own (mortgaged) house is 70 miles away from work family etc.
I have not had a night out with friends in 10 months. I was working nightshift before I went on maternity leave and DD1 stayed at my grandparents house on the nights i was working because dp wouldn't do it (even though he wasn't working then, he only started this job in march) because it's not his kid. His words.
When I went on maternity leave i had 1 night at the cinema and that was because my mum watched DD1 while I went.
DD2 arrived 3 weeks ago and he missed the birth because he was out and wouldn't answer his phone. He has been out most nights since she was born, has not fed her, bathed her, changed her or anything and does nothing housework wise to help me. He just keeps going on about how hard he's got it working all day and how easy I've got it 'lying in my bed all day'. Yes of course I do. The kids look after themselves and the housework fairies appear to clean and make dinner.
I was supposed to be going out with my friends tonight. It's been planned for months because we live so far apart and they were making the effort to travel here and booked a hotel to stay in. I was so looking forward to it. I've spent the day worried sick about leaving the kids with him. He has no idea how to change an nappy, make a bottle or get babies wind up. I asked him when he got in an hour ago (earlier than usual tonight) to give DD2 a bottle whilst I got ready and he refused. Said he didn't know how to and wouldn't do it. I asked him what he was going to do when I was out and he said he was just going to wait until I came home until she was fed, bathed, changed etc.
I'm really upset. Obviously I can't go out now so I've phoned my friends to tell them and they are fuming. They spent a fortune on travel hotels etc to come and see me and it's been a waste of time. I can't even invite them round here because they don't get on with DP even though he's now away out for the 5th night in a row. It's going to take a while to repair my friendship and they were the only friends I've got.
AIBU to have expected a night out only 3 weeks after DD2 was born?
AIBU to expect DP to do child related stuff even though he works all day?
When your DCs were born did your partner help and do stuff? Or is this normal? I honestly don't know because with DD1 i done everything because she was my child.
I think he should be able to do everything I do and we should take it in turns to do feeds and nappy changes etc. He doesn't understand why he has to and why he shouldn't be going out 4 nights a week. I think that's too much and maybe once a month is acceptable when you have a baby. He says that's acceptable for mums but not dad's. Why should dad's have to stay in the house too? How do I answer that question?
I'm pretty much a single parent. I sometimes think it would be easier for me to kick him out and do it myself.