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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at the amount DH spent at a stag weekend last weekend?

132 replies

Butterwouldnotmelt · 13/07/2013 13:19

Leaving us short for the rest of the month?

Not including accommodation, which he paid for a few months ago, he spent just over £500. This was on a 3 day/2 night stag weekend in the UK.

This has meant we are very short on money for the rest of the month until we both get paid on the last working day of the month.

He doesn't see the problem and doesn't seem to think that he spent an excessive amount...

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 14/07/2013 04:04

Opps, sorry! I missed the post you were quoting!

lozster · 14/07/2013 04:50

Easily done without drugs or lap dances. A bottle of beer in a city centre bar is about a fiver so throw in food and some all day drinking and pop goes the weasel. I hate these events so would either not go or just go to a bit but once there it's a bit tricky to refuse drinks/go home early/ have a burger rather than restaurant meal if everyone else isn't doing the same. I suspect that the dh may not go out that often in such places so the price can come as a shock. I say that as I only know the price of a bottle of beer on a city centre bar as my oh came home and told me this week having asked the bar man to repeat the price several times! I suspect oh is brazening this

lozster · 14/07/2013 04:51

... Brazening this one out rather than saying 'crap that was more expensive than intho

lozster · 14/07/2013 04:53

Darn phone and silly o'clock! Saying 'crap that was more expensive than I thought'. Not an excuse if course. But I can see how this one panned out.

Onetwo34 · 14/07/2013 05:22

You could easily spend more than £250 in a day with your friends without doing anything too nefarious.

Breakfast - £10
Lunch - £40
Dinner with drinks - £60
Activity - £100
Club entrance - £20
Taxis £20
Drinks in the club - £60

Thing is, if you don't have the money, you don't do all those things, whether all your friends are, or not! If you have any sense and decency.

Onetwo34 · 14/07/2013 05:24

I asked for a glass of wine in a bar in London, and they charged me £12.50 for it! Seriously! £12.50!

marriedinwhiteagain · 14/07/2013 08:06

BadLad if there are drugs and lapdances what other activity would they need for 60.

Shuffles off to make DH another cuppa - gratefully. He had two pints last night!

nkf · 14/07/2013 08:12

People are right about the amount being easily racked up. I guess if you want to get this past it, you take the rational approach, as mentioned earlier and show him the figures.

Do women go wild on hen nights? I am so old my memory is of one night affairs, but I take it the weekend away is the norm.

CoalDustWoman · 14/07/2013 08:55

It doesn't matter how easy it is to spend that kind of money. He didn't have it. It was earmarked for something else. If he wanted to save face, he should have cried off. If he wanted to be free and easy with the cash, he should have saved up.

Ball in his court. Your family's lack of cash is his problem to solve. Ask him how he's going to get you all through the rest of the month.

This kind of stuff is the sort that chips away at the bedrock of a marriage. How can it be your place of safety when he makes your life difficult for weeks for the sake of a few rounds of over-priced drinks and looking like Flash Harry?

Do you have children?

Onetwo34 · 14/07/2013 09:03

Activity is something like, I don't know what's stags do these days, going round a racetrack in a formula one car.

SirBoobAlot · 14/07/2013 09:29

For three days / two nights, I don't think that's a lot, actually. Meals (guessing they're not self catering), booze, taxis even just back to the hotel each night, entrance to any clubs they went to.

The issue here is that you didn't have the funds allocated for him to spend this much, but he still did. Did you discuss with him about how much he was planning on spending before he went?

It's crap if it's left you short, but really don't think it's that much.

Birdsgottafly · 14/07/2013 10:17

"It doesn't matter how easy it is to spend that kind of money"

It needed pointing out, though, that you can spend that on a "good" night out, without it involving any illegal or immoral activity.

If i was going for a booze up weekend with my mates, we would all allow about that much. We buy our cocktails buy the pitcher and like our sambuca shots (yes, we are that group of women that MN despise and avoid on a nights out).

Drinks in bars in foreign countries are more expensive than having a prostitute in a group sex situation, so that can be quite easily covered up, not that i think that that has happened here, i leave that to the imagination of others.

Most groups of mates (rather than friends) are out to get drunk and have a laugh, shagging isn't on their minds.

The issue, as said, is that the spending wasn't agreed and allowed for, beforehand, but if it would of been manageable, there is no reason why once in a while, that amount shouldn't be spent.

minouminou · 14/07/2013 10:33

I doubt he got up to anything nefarious for £500. We had a humble pub lunch a few weeks ago, four adults, two children....the kids shared a (massive) children's meal, the grown ups had three roasties and a pasta dish. Few glasses of wine, couple of pints, juice for the kids, two puddings.

£120.

And this was in our middle-of-the road lovely local.

minouminou · 14/07/2013 10:35

I think he just got carried away.
He has to suffer, mind.

TheMoonOnAStick · 14/07/2013 10:37

That sounds about what I'd expect for 3 days/2nights.

Doing it at all when it's left you so short though... I'd be annoyed about that.

Trills · 14/07/2013 10:39

YANBU to be fuming if he's spent money out of joint funds.

He is BU if he thinks that budgeting or the rest of the month is not his responsibility.

YA both BU if you don't realise that having separate spending money would prevent problems like this in future.

Everyone who thinks he must have been doing something dodgy to spend that much is also BU.

BadLad · 14/07/2013 10:59

BadLad if there are drugs and lapdances what other activity would they need for 60.

I don't know - please take that up with the person whom I was quoting. I only quoted their post to say that I thought their figure for drinks and food was on the low side, but I agreed with their point - that it was an easy amount to get through on a stag weekend.

Whether is it acceptable behaviour or not is another matter.

mrsjay · 14/07/2013 11:09

DH did this on a stag weekend abroad it was supposed to be all inclusive the guys decided not to eat or drink at the hotel I was fuming he did leave us short but found the money from somewhere till he got paid .

Ashoething · 14/07/2013 11:30

Why oh why do women allow their dh's to go off on these absurd stag do's?

If my dh came home and said he was off to Bratislava/prague/Amsterdam whatever to spunk our money away on booze and prostitutes-he would be told in no uncertain terms that he could go but would find himself locked out on his return.

mrsjay · 14/07/2013 11:32

Why oh why do women allow their dh's to go off on these absurd stag do's?

because we are not their mothers Confused

JenaiMorris · 14/07/2013 11:35

Some people on MN love nothing more than accusing other MNer's husbands of drug use and paying for sex. And then they talk about giving or withholding permission for an adult to go out for a night, as if that's a healthy state of affairs.

It's really fucking nasty tbh.

Bumpotato · 14/07/2013 11:46

Haven't read the thread and DH and I are old past the hen/stag stage but I don't think £500 is huge amount to spend on a weekend away. It is a lot, yes, but easily done.

DH and his pal organised a weekend (pal turning 50) where they were £800 for sports car racing and another £200 for footie tickets. That was before flights, accommodation then the pair of them drunkenly inviting wives and kids along!

Tiredemma · 14/07/2013 11:48

Did the OP actually say that he was spending his money on prostitutes/drugs/lapdances??

YouTheCat · 14/07/2013 11:50

It makes no difference what he spent the money on, there wasn't the spare cash for him to spend and he has selfishly left his family short of cash for essentials.

He's a knobend.

Bumpotato · 14/07/2013 11:52

Meant to say though, if he's leaving the family short til the end of the month, whatever is spent, that is out of order.