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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Slap This Woman Back?

294 replies

RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 16:52

I've nc'd for this as don't want it to follow me adoring but am a regular poster (Yoni, Pom Bears, Naice Ham, Wilf etc).

I'm not asking AIBU as I know I was but I'm asking to what degree was I unreasonable, say on a scale of 1 to 5 in regards to the following incident.

Yesterday, DS3 (aged 13) and DS4 (aged 9), were playing out in our street, with 6 other similarly aged children who live on the same street, DS3 being the eldest. They were not directly outside our house but around 8-10 houses down. There is a small junction in between, and while I recognise the residents in that area I certainly don't know them as well as my immediate neighbours. I am however very friendly with one of the others boys mum, who lives that far down.

I'd last seen them 20 minutes earlier having been checking on them every half hour. Anyway, at some point DS4 and a few of the other boys came running in saying that a woman up the road has hit DS3 and says she's going to kill him. I arrived to find this woman still shouting at DS3.

Apparently DS3 had fallen off his bike and over her very low front garden wall (max 2ft) onto her flowerbed. Apparently he had damaged her garden and crushed her cat. I could see no visible damage to the shrubs (no flowers). The cat was nowhere to be seen. It was an accident. She had been washing her car and had rushed over yanked him up, screamed at him and slapped twice; once on the top of the back and once across the face.

While I was there trying to resolve the situation she threatened to slap him again. Am not pleased with myself but I lost my temper and I grabbed her then hit her twice. I've been feeling guilty but not. Am quite conflicted, and am also quite shocked still at what happened, friends/family have said it was ok but I just wonder was it really that ok or am I totally irrational.

So yes how unreasonable was I?

I don't want to drip feed but I haven't written down all minutiae of this incident as I didn't want to start straying into Dostoyevsky territory. However I'm happy to provide further details if some of you feel its relevant.

OP posts:
weisswusrt · 08/07/2013 20:37

OP, I really wouldn't speak to the police all, they are never on your side, remember that. Don't let them goad you into angrily saying how she hit you son first etc.

LadyBeagleEyes · 08/07/2013 20:37

I jokingly asked the Op if crazy woman was bigger than her, she answered my question.
So if you want to have a go at her about that then please direct it to me.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:40

"marmalade do you live near me because I'm afraid she'd have got more than a slap round here."

Dunno mate. Where do you live?

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:41

The police can be understanding, IME.

I know someone who hit out in self-defence and the police were actually sympathetic to her and did sod all.

Obviously that depends on the officers.

Ledkr · 08/07/2013 20:44

Well it likes to think its proper posh like but I can't imagine e anyone I know who wouldn't slap someone who hit their kid so I was pleased to see your realistic response Grin
Some people on here are quite sanctimonious about stuff like this but if you go around hitting kids you take the risk that you will get your comeuppance!

Original poster
RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 20:47

I fully understand how upset you would be if someone injured your pet even if it was by accident. Maybe if it was intentional you would even become very angry. I LOVE cats, we are a cat loving family.

But I'm really sceptical the cat was injured let alone crushed. Surely if it was crushed, it would have been there to find. I can believe it was startled or frightened but when I think DS is probably around 10 stone. If he had landed on that cat in anyway it would have been flattened which is obviously a horrifying thought but clearly not what happened as its been seen playing in the garden.

And before anyone says it is a very distinctive cat that wears a brightly coloured collar so very recognisable.

OP posts:
MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:49

I know, ledkr!

If someone batted my DS, I wouldn't be thinking "Ah but what would Jesus do?" I'd be thinking "can I strangle her? If not, is KO'ing her an option?"

A lot of holier than thou folk on here who've never acted in the heat of the moment.

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2013 20:51

If someone batted my DS, I wouldn't be thinking "Ah but what would Jesus do?"

loveliesbleeding1 · 08/07/2013 20:51

If anyone slapped any of mine I would do just what you did, you might have lost it, but you would have to have the patience of a saint to know someone has hit your child not once, but twice, she had a lucky escape by the sounds of it!!

Ledkr · 08/07/2013 20:52

Well your looking at a woman who was flamed on here for punching my dh of 18 yrs when I caught him sleeping with a teenager! Apparently I'm a violent abuser!

Whogivesashit · 08/07/2013 20:53

YANBU I would have knocked her out. But then I'm very unreasonable.

edam · 08/07/2013 20:54

weisswurst, I have to agree, regretfully. OP has been very wise taking pictures and making records of everything in case mad child-attacking woman makes a complaint herself.

I agree because a family friend was cautioned by police after finding an intruder on his land. Lad in his early 20s, drunk, with a girlfriend, found on my friend's land in the wee small hours obviously sizing up my friend's van to see if any tools were kept in it overnight. Friend heard a disturbance, went out, found the lad there with his girl, told lad to get out, lad refused. Showing off in front of his girlfriend, said 'make me' and refused to leave. So friend decked him.

Technically I suppose you could argue that my friend should have left and gone back into the house to call the cops, leaving the lad to break into the van and steal any possessions he could find.

Lad scarpered but had the cheek to phone the police and complain. And the idiot cops took his word for it! My friend's point was that he only hit the lad hard enough to encourage him to go away - friend is built like a brick shithouse, and if he had really wanted to damage the lad, lad would have been in hospital. Instead of having a sore chin.

Police offered my friend a caution (presumably to save paperwork/improve their clear up rates) which friend, being naive in these matters (i.e. never being on the receiving end of police attention before) accepted.

I was disgusted by the police, tbh. People are entitled to defend their property. The idea that the victim should leave the aggressor alone to break into property while victim goes off to call the police is ludicrous.

So, OP is very wise keeping records and taking pictures. Just in case woman who likes hitting children has the cheek to go to the police.

loveliesbleeding1 · 08/07/2013 20:56

I dont think you are ledkr x

MoveItMoveIt · 08/07/2013 20:57

When you see it written down its easy to say you should have called police, but I think a lot of people seeing their dc being hit by an adult would respond the way you did OP. Its just instinct to protect your child by any means possible.

If an adult had hit my dd to the point of bruising I would have hit her too. YANBU.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:58

Ledkr Shock Shock A punch is restrained. :( Hope you're OK.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 08/07/2013 21:05

I always tell ds "if you hit someone, expect to get hit back".
I think this neighbour woman was a bully and I would have decked her too.
I wouldn't have felt proud of it, but I would have done it.
As an aside though, I had a good friend who , although a tiny girl, had such a way with bullied and thugs. If anyone was looking to be violent or threatening she would narrow her eyes and say quietly "If you do that again I am going to have to hurt you". Like some kind of Mafia boss. No fucker ever took her up on it!
Put it behind you OP.

Pigsmummy · 08/07/2013 21:09

Is the cat ok?

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 21:11

No he is not OK.

He's doing the phone-in with Denise Richards on This Morning, tomorrow.

FeegleFion · 08/07/2013 21:13

I don't think violence solves anything but quite honestly, OP, I'd do time if any adult dared touch a hair on either of my DC's head!

Led I'd have done the same!

Violence never solves anything but in extreme circumstances like these, it'd make me fucking feel better!

MoodyDidIt · 08/07/2013 21:15
Shock

if anyone hit any of my kids - especially to the extent you described in your OP - i would beat the shit out of them

my god op i am fuming on your behalf

i think you were fairly restrained tbh

kali110 · 08/07/2013 21:16

My cats bright ginger but nearly blind and doesnt notice things that are about to fall on him so unless people dont know theres anything wrong with him except me. It doesnt excuse her for thumping ur son i just getting angry by people who dont undersyand pets can be like children. You shouldnt have hit her but i dont know what i would do if someone hurt my child or my pets i may have done the same!its easy to judge people. Id prob killed those teenagers if theyd let their dog lose on my cat! I think it shows that ur not a bad person by the fact that you do regret it.

KevinFoley · 08/07/2013 21:17

I'm sure the police had better things to do than respond to a wall falling over/cat squashing/women slapping incident . Unless you live somewhere like Devon of course in which case you might have made the front papers.

If I was your son I'd be... proud .

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/07/2013 21:17

Nods along to feegles comment

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 21:19

If you would hit someone because they accidentally fell on your cat, then I think a visit to the Perspective Superstore may be in order...

kali110 · 08/07/2013 21:20

Ledkr again i can understand you going mental at ur ex. He doesnt sound much of a man though so youre prob better off

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