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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Slap This Woman Back?

294 replies

RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 16:52

I've nc'd for this as don't want it to follow me adoring but am a regular poster (Yoni, Pom Bears, Naice Ham, Wilf etc).

I'm not asking AIBU as I know I was but I'm asking to what degree was I unreasonable, say on a scale of 1 to 5 in regards to the following incident.

Yesterday, DS3 (aged 13) and DS4 (aged 9), were playing out in our street, with 6 other similarly aged children who live on the same street, DS3 being the eldest. They were not directly outside our house but around 8-10 houses down. There is a small junction in between, and while I recognise the residents in that area I certainly don't know them as well as my immediate neighbours. I am however very friendly with one of the others boys mum, who lives that far down.

I'd last seen them 20 minutes earlier having been checking on them every half hour. Anyway, at some point DS4 and a few of the other boys came running in saying that a woman up the road has hit DS3 and says she's going to kill him. I arrived to find this woman still shouting at DS3.

Apparently DS3 had fallen off his bike and over her very low front garden wall (max 2ft) onto her flowerbed. Apparently he had damaged her garden and crushed her cat. I could see no visible damage to the shrubs (no flowers). The cat was nowhere to be seen. It was an accident. She had been washing her car and had rushed over yanked him up, screamed at him and slapped twice; once on the top of the back and once across the face.

While I was there trying to resolve the situation she threatened to slap him again. Am not pleased with myself but I lost my temper and I grabbed her then hit her twice. I've been feeling guilty but not. Am quite conflicted, and am also quite shocked still at what happened, friends/family have said it was ok but I just wonder was it really that ok or am I totally irrational.

So yes how unreasonable was I?

I don't want to drip feed but I haven't written down all minutiae of this incident as I didn't want to start straying into Dostoyevsky territory. However I'm happy to provide further details if some of you feel its relevant.

OP posts:
microserf · 08/07/2013 19:51

It sounds like from your update you were defending your child from her hitting your dc again. I really don't think you can blamed if you were defending your child from attack from an unhinged adult.

MissStrawberry · 08/07/2013 19:51

Hmm at having scones with jam and cream means you aren't rough.

Major drip feed on your subsequent post where you were swearing and making threats.

You sound proud when you comment on how she was bigger than you.

Protect your kids by all means but slapping this woman wasn't the best course of action.

cocolepew · 08/07/2013 19:51

Some people are just fuckheads. DH had a motorbike accident a couple of years ago, he skidded on gravel coming around a corner and fell off his bike and shot across the road and landed in a bush surrounding a garden. He was obviously badly injured, his leathers were ripped to pieces and there was a lot of blood.
The owner of the house, in a very middle class area, came out and kicked him as he lay on the ground for "bending my shrub".

MrsBungle · 08/07/2013 19:53

I think you were understandably unreasonable. I'm sure I'd have probably done the same.

Original poster
RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 19:55

It's obviously not nice that I did that in front of the boys, (and H's mum) who came out just after i got there. I do feel most upset that I behaved so badly in front of them.

I don't think I've contradicted my parenting message too much in that I do tell them I will always protect or defend them and that if someone hits them they should hit then back harder.

As I mentioned DS could have pushed her off. I'm sure he's strong enough, but didn't want to and was trying to reason with her instead. He also could have hit her back and I guess I would have had to accept that as I've said I support much behaviour, (admittedly didn't foresee such an incident). DS said he didn't think it was ok to be physical with her because she was older and female, so I think he behaved very properly overall.

It seems I'm the one who let the side down Confused

OP posts:
MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 19:59

You didn't let the side down.

Perhaps the gobby cunt will think twice before assaulting a kid next time.

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2013 20:00

Your poor DS should never have been put in that position in the first place, he's 13 and would have no idea how to reason with someone who was attacking him.

Tell him that if God forbid anything like this ever happens again that he would be perfectly justified to push the person away and protect himself.

Original poster
RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 20:00

I'm not proud she's bigger than me. I'm saying yes she was even bigger than me so this was quite an intimidating individual for poor DS to have to deal with.

The scones comment is obviously a bit of humour, like Jeremy Kyle comment. I'm just trying to point out in a lighthearted way that we were settling down for a rather pleasant sedate late afternoon.

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 08/07/2013 20:00

Cats are used to living on the edge let the "poor cat" issue go. This is the life it chose.

I like to think I'd have just walked off and called the police but I honestly can't say.

I'd suggest calling them anyway but you'd need to consider the outcome for yourself now unless you are confident. Best idea to keep away from her but any more threats and I'd be straight on the phone to them.

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2013 20:07

Yes, the cat will be fine and won't remember anything...

My cat is pleasantly surprised every time he finds his food bowl in the kitchen, they're not very bright most of the time.

Boosterseat · 08/07/2013 20:11

What kind of twat hits kids in the street? She sounds unhinged

So far no one has attacked DS in the street but I seriously doubt I would have resisted the urge to floor her.

I hope DS and the cat are ok.

Might be time to hang up the gloves Rocky.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:12

I do hope that poor Fluffy is being treated to a bit of whale music/chakral healing after this traumatic non existent incident.

Lweji · 08/07/2013 20:14

As you say how it happened, I think I might still call the police.
She was totally out of order.

Original poster
RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 20:15

At present I'm not looking to involve the police. I've taken certain precautions for in case they are involved.

Photos of DS straight after, photos of what is starting to look like a bruise. DH went this morning (at about 5:00 am and took photos of the garden, bump in the road and the wall. H's mum has taken a photo of the cat in her garden. I've written down my account of events as has DS, younger DS, H's mum, H and 2 of the other boys.

I've printed out the email I sent just before it happened, and a FB post DS made as he left to go and pick up H, have screenshots of texts sent to DH straight after the incident, so I can sort of prove a time line of events.

Is there anything else I should do?

OP posts:
MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:17

"Is there anything else I should do?"

Yes. Go back at 3am and key "TWAT" on her car bonnet.

cocolepew · 08/07/2013 20:21

Sorry Emilia didn't see your post, what happened next was I punched her in the face. Then I walked away because I didn't think I would have stopped there. We, meaning me and other neighbours, had had problems with her before and the police had been up a number of times. They just kept telling us to sort it out amongst ourselves. Unfortunately it took me breaking her nose for anything to be sorted.

Scruffey · 08/07/2013 20:22

Marmalade, you have rubbished my post and then subsequently posted stating that as there were no witnesses to the OP slapping this woman that it was the OP's word against hers. That shows a lack of honesty and integrity.

My whole post was certainly not shit as you stated. I start by saying the op shouldn't have hit the woman - that's simply following the law - hardly shit, however you interpret the situation.

You also misunderstand my point about the woman calling the police. It's not about the cat, it's about the fact that the op broke the law by hitting her. That wouldn't be filed under nutter as it is an actual crime!

Anyway the woman with the cat does sound like someone off J Kyle so I doubt she will call the police, partic as she hit a child herself!

Plomino · 08/07/2013 20:22

Weisswurtt , no we do not have new powers to force people to speak to us . However , that does not mean we need a warrant to speak to anyone . Warrants are for gaining entry to premises in order to search for specific items , as in a section 23 misuse of drugs act warrant , a section 18 search for property pertaining to an offence , or a section 8 warrant for a specific item . Or they can be given under the mental health act to gain entry to detain an absconded person under a mental health section as in a section 135 MHA warrant . I give you those as examples because they are what we use most frequently. If people do not wish to speak to us in their own home , and there are insufficient grounds for an arrest , then yes , they are at perfect liberty to shut the door on us. However as a rule , we tend to go round and gain the evidence first , then speak to the suspect last , because the pace clock starts ticking as soon as the arrest is made, and that way ,the precious time isn't wasted . So it may well be that by the time we get to the suspects door , there are sufficient grounds for arrest , which then gives us powers of entry for which no warrant is required .

All of which has nothing to do with the OP , but I thought I'd be more specific for you .

I don't condone what the OP has done , but I can certainly understand it. Accidents do happen . My DS did something very similar getting out of our car onto a narrow pavement , and in stepping backwards to get out of the way of the door , fell over an ankle height chain fence onto the house owners gravel. To which the house owner banged on his window furiously , even though it was a complete accident . It happens .

Methe · 08/07/2013 20:23

The weed killer would be tempting me greatly right now.

saintmerryweather · 08/07/2013 20:23

This reply has been deleted

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kali110 · 08/07/2013 20:27

I think the lady shouldnt have hit a child she was wrong but all of you saying its just a cat? People love their pets like children. I love my cats and id be pissed and upset if someone hurt them!admittedly if an accident i wouldnt go attacking anyone but if it had been hurt would any of you cared then?one of my cats looks fine, but hes seriously ill so you dont know what the cats health is. Its unfair taking the piss.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:31

Scruffey, I said your post was shite because you:

(without any grounds to) said that OP's DS was making a nuisance of himself.

That the mentalist woman should have called the police for OP's DS accidentally falling over a wall and crushing her cat. ACCIDENTALLY. Who the tits would fall over a wall on purpose?

Said that DS shouldn't piss random people off. Well, there's a neat little bit of victim blaming right there. By simply cycling past and accidentally falling into her garden, he has done NOTHING to piss anyone off, unless he has been unfortunate enough to run into a particularly aggressive and hostile twat looking for any opportunity to lash out.

So yes, your post was shit and victim-blaming.

Ledkr · 08/07/2013 20:32

marmalade do you live near me because I'm afraid she'd have got more than a slap round here.
YANBU I'd have bloody decked her if she'd hit my child.

LtEveDallas · 08/07/2013 20:36

I do icy cold quiet anger, which I'm told is quite terrifying. However if someone hurts 'one of my own' I'm liable to blow my top - as the six former that bullied my (then) recently bereaved 14 year old neice discovered...

It's a 'seeing red' moment I think - a flash of blind anger that just can't be sated. DSD calls it me 'going nuclear'. Unreasonable yes, but understandable.

God knows what I'd do to someone that hurt DD. I think I'd probably punch them into the middle of next week.

(My brother once landed in court for destroying a bloke that had stabbed his mate 15 minutes before. He pleaded self defence and was acquitted - the judge said there was reasonable belief that the bloke was going to stab my brother too - so self defence counted. If OP believed that madwoman was going to hit her next, then she has cause for self defence)

MarmaladeTwatkins · 08/07/2013 20:36

No-one has said "it's just a cat".

I LOVE my cat. I have loved all of my cats. But I also know that cats are fast and would get out of the way of a child about to fall onto it pretty quick.

A few of us think "the cat will remember this" is funny, because it is.