Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

AIBU?

Children not invited to wedding - I'm not going either!

197 replies

ruby1234 · 08/07/2013 16:09

My DC have not been invited to our DNiece's wedding.

Background: DNiece is the DD of my DH sister.
We are not especially close, as DH is 10 years older than his DS and they did not grow up together. Our DC's from both sides are not friends as such, and have not seen each other for a few years.
DNiece is getting married at a small country manor house later in the year. There are only going to be 40 guests at the ceremony and wedding lunch, as this is the maximum amount of guests the wedding ceremony room can accommodate. There is an evening do afterwards with a band, disco and hog roast for 120 guests.
We knew the wedding date a long time in advance, and told DH'sis that we could only go to the daytime as we have a 30th birthday party to go to in the evening.
The invitations have arrived, and while me and DH are invited to the whole wedding including the evening, our DC's have only been invited to the evening - even though DH'sis knows none of us can go to the evening because of the other party.
My DH'mum says that due to only 40 guests being invited, once bridesmaids, parents, aunts, uncles and close friends have been invited there is not room for the 13 cousins (and partners) on both sides of the family, so the decision was taken not to invite any cousins to the day, just to the evening. (None of the cousins are close).
I have sent a no thanks reply for all of us for the whole wedding as I think that families should stick together at times like this, and that all of us should have been invited to the day, especially when they already knew we had other plans for the evening.
My DC are 28 and 22.

My DH'mum thinks we are being unreasonable to not go at all, and none of the other cousins or aunts/uncles seem to be miffed at the rebuff.

AIBU to say no?

OP posts:

Report

annis51 · 08/07/2013 18:54

I thought that you were going to say your children were young and that finding a babysitter was a problem. Since you don't need a babysitter why did you say no? It was nice that you were invited and you should have accepted if you were not doing anything at that time. Now that you have refused you can't change your mind so send a very nice present instead. Also when they have returned from their honeymoon invite the couple over to lunch or dinner. If they don't or can't come you don't have to invite them a second time.
All this would have been avoided if they had a traditional wedding ie in a church and afterwards at home or in the church hall. The whole event ending at 6pm and the couple leaving then. When my daughter was married 2 years ago she had a full nuptial mass in the church with 200 guests and everyone came back to our house afterwards. We put up 4 party tents to make a marquee and made lots of sandwiches. I bought 50 bottles of cava and hired glasses; my cousin and uncle served the cava and squash for the children. Later on we served tea in cups and saucers which I had hired. I made the cake and my brother-in-law iced it. It looked very nice. I made the dress and she wore a bead headress which my mother and I both wore. I made her bouquet and my sister did all the other flowers. I bought a brand new suit and hat as did my daughter as a going away outfit. She had two bridesmaids who wore dresses I made. We made the invitations and the Orders of Service and borrowed a Jaguar saloon for the day which got white ribbons from Bastons stationers. No member of either family was not invited to third cousins level. All their friends were invited. All children were invited. Over 250 were invited. Everyone had a super day and it cost less than £2000 for everything. It isn't necessary to have an expensive wedding. Children are the essence of marriage so having a party which they are not invited to is ridiculous. Maybe this is why lots of marriages end in divorce because the couple spend too much time over the colour of the tablecloths and not enough on talking about making babies. Isn't the primary purpose of marriage the procreation of children? That said my grandson's godmother is getting married at the end of the month and he isn't invited. We are invited for the evening party but not the children. So we have to get a babysitter. In the end it has been easier to let the parents go and we are looking after the children. Also I believe that the wedding is costing a lot of money. Their choice but I think that the children are sad that they aren't going - well the elder one is. He's 5 and likes parties. Time will tell.