Children not invited to wedding - I'm not going either!

[ruby1234]

My DC have not been invited to our DNiece's wedding.

Background: DNiece is the DD of my DH sister.
We are not especially close, as DH is 10 years older than his DS and they did not grow up together. Our DC's from both sides are not friends as such, and have not seen each other for a few years.
DNiece is getting married at a small country manor house later in the year. There are only going to be 40 guests at the ceremony and wedding lunch, as this is the maximum amount of guests the wedding ceremony room can accommodate. There is an evening do afterwards with a band, disco and hog roast for 120 guests.
We knew the wedding date a long time in advance, and told DH'sis that we could only go to the daytime as we have a 30th birthday party to go to in the evening.
The invitations have arrived, and while me and DH are invited to the whole wedding including the evening, our DC's have only been invited to the evening - even though DH'sis knows none of us can go to the evening because of the other party.
My DH'mum says that due to only 40 guests being invited, once bridesmaids, parents, aunts, uncles and close friends have been invited there is not room for the 13 cousins (and partners) on both sides of the family, so the decision was taken not to invite any cousins to the day, just to the evening. (None of the cousins are close).
I have sent a no thanks reply for all of us for the whole wedding as I think that families should stick together at times like this, and that all of us should have been invited to the day, especially when they already knew we had other plans for the evening.
My DC are 28 and 22.

My DH'mum thinks we are being unreasonable to not go at all, and none of the other cousins or aunts/uncles seem to be miffed at the rebuff.

AIBU to say no?

[babyhmummy01]

I have to agree with the consensus above, Yanbu to decline the invite but yabvvu to throw a hissy fit when your kids are adults. Ffs if they were toddlers I could maybe understand but 28 & 22 are you for real???!!!!!! Get a grip please, there are far more important things to get your knickers in a twist about I am sure

[SparklyVampire]

Nice troll thread.

[garlicsmutty]

Odd! My mother went to all my cousins' weddings. I wasn't invited. No big deal. I invited them to mine (was aiming for a horde of guests) but they didn't come, except for the one who was 5yo and came with her gran.
This is normal.

Your children are grown-ups. If they want to go, they can hang out in a pub until the evening do.

Other people's weddings are Not All About You. Yabu.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

YABU or You Are Having A Laugh.

Not sure which one it is.

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

come on then op - its clearly a reverse so get on with the story :)

[garlicsmutty]

"Families should stick together" - what, you mean things like graciously attending one another's weddings?

[K8Middleton]

Hahahahaha! Nice try. You had me until dc are 28 and 22

[squeakytoy]

very odd that you would prefer to go to a 30th birthday over a family wedding.. especially "in times like these"

[LilacPeony]

Are you still breastfeeding them? Is that the problem?

[TenToWine]

DH has about 15 cousins on one side of the family and more on the other side, all reasonably close in age. Some of them invited all the cousins (plus OHs) to their wedding, some invited aunts and uncles to the whole day and cousins just in the evening and some did not invite cousins at all (no separate evening do), depending on budget and type of wedding. 30 or 40 people (counting OHs ) make a big difference. No one was offended so long as everyone was treated consistently, and they all get on well! In cases where the cousins are invited to the evening do only, the cousins (and OHs) have tended to meet up earlier in the day and have a really nice meal out somewhere before the wedding and it tends to be just as enjoyable as the wedding itself!
Chidlren of cousins are also treated consistently (generally not invited as otherwise you would be talking another 30 or 40).

[nenevomito]

bitty?

[MerylStrop]

The invitation is perfectly reasonable
Why would you invite grown up cousins you don't know from Adam to your wedding day, especially when numbers are limited?
I suspect a reverse AIBU

[GoshlyoHeavens]

Shove it.

Families tend not stick together, it's just what governments want us to think we do to keep us all quiet.

[squoosh]

I'm surprised you were invited in the first place, you sound like an entitled little Madam.

I'm willing to bet they're thrilled you're not going.

[NinaHeart]

YABU. I also thought you were going to say your children were a year old or something.
My "children" are a similar age to yours and I would never expect to be invited anywhere as a family now. They are grown up!

[cory]

Do your children regularly refuse invitations if Mummy is not invited?

[PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline]

Mylittlesunshine- Are you the bride?

[Drunkendiva1]

Definitely a reverse.

[Trills]

YANBU to not go - an invitation is not a summons

YABU to be upset that someone has decided to invite aunts/uncles but not cousins to their wedding.

[DoctorRobert]

This HAS to be a reverse AIBU

If not, YABU and are completely mad.

We had a small wedding & invited aunts/uncles but not cousins, due to space/cost/not being close to our (adult) cousins. Sounds like a very similar situation - if somebody had refused an invite because of that, would have found it extremely off indeed.

[jan5]

I do agree with the posts that you are being unreasonable. Weddings are very expensive these days and the venue is only small. As you say your adult children are not at all close to the bride and groom so how on earth would you expect them to be invited. I expect they couldn't care less about attending their cousins small wedding and would be happy not to be invited. Why are you making this into a big crisis? Feel there is something more to the story .. Think you and husband should have gone but probably better you aren't with such a negative attitude. Hope the 30th party is good!

[Tee2072]

Your children are adults. If they were to be invited, they'd get their own invitations.

YABU and a bit ignorant on wedding etiquette.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Absolutely laughable. Yabu?

[formicadinosaur]

I was expecting you to tell me you had breast feeding babes but as they are adults yabu

[carolthesecretary]

YABU

Weddings are expensive. Why invite people you don't even know?

Surprised you care that much about this anyway. You are planning to miss the evening do to go to a Birthday party.