to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

Paradisechick 's attidude is exactly why most people who have assessed the risk that it is negligible acceptable don't post on these threads - because they get judged aggressively.

I did choose to drink occasionally while I was pregnant (but not during weeks 6-10), I stopped eating unpasteurised cheeses but did eat foie gras once while I was pregnant, on the other hand I never got drunk when I was in charge of ds, I breast fed him till he was 13 months old, never gave him formula, we chose not to use stair gates, instead teaching him how to go up and down stairs safely (and he never fell; in fact the only child I know of who ever had an accident on stairs was one whose parents nearly always had stair gates in use), we taught him to cross roads safely from the age of 2 (yes, in company), so I was comfortable letting him walk to school on his own from age 7 and cycling to school on his own from age 9 and from school age 10 (differing risks according to the direction), didn't let him stop using a car seat till he was 150cm tall, much to his disgust, conversely, did use a taxi occasionally when overseas when we were not able to use a car seat, drove cars in South Africa where other people would consider that there was a risk of car-jacking (but we always hired a Japanese car rather than a BMW), went walking in Stellenbosch when other tourists would tell us to be scared, let ds walk to a football ground the other side of the village in Greece we were staying in on his own, age 10 , let ds, now aged 12, cycle around Glasgow (as long as we know roughly where he is) as he goes out for training rides .....

Some of these "risks" other people would consider acceptable, other's not. We all have our own judgement of perceived risk.

The one time ds was at risk was when he was 17 months old and had just learnt to walk. He managed to get himself out of the house via the (sort of) cat flap and walked (having only just learnt to walk) to the house next door at 7 am, where dh finally found him. Totally my fault, as I had left the house at 6am and not closed the storm doors behind me in the pouring rain. Did I feel guilty? Yes. Did I let it make me paranoid about other risks? No.

My mother died as a result of a cycling accident where she fell and hit her head, even though she was wearing a helmet. Despite an initial recovery over 2 years, she then declined and it took another 3 years for her to die. It was horrible.

Despite that, I have not been out off cycling - and in fact, ds is now obsessed with it. Ironically, I'd rather he played rugby (in which he is also showing talent) as I think it would be safer! But I'll support him, whichever sport he chooses.

I'm not going to constrain my life - or his - by worrying about "what if's".

Pretty none of those scenarios you mentioned a are tangible with expecting an infant to look after itself.

No one is expecting an infant to look after itself - the initial scenario mentioned was leaving a baby/toddler in a room with a monitor - therefore the parent would be able to check with the monitor if the infant woke up and could then return to the room - for many people the 'risk assessment' is that the child could easily be reached quickly, yes, there is the rare chance that the room might burn down or a 'wierdo' enters or the monitor doesn't work, but these are not 'expecting an infant to look after itself'.

I am amazed that some of you even leave your child to sleep in its own room alone at home, you must be so worried about all the 'risks'.

Which begs the question, if you are relying on looking at a monitor looking at your sleeping child whilst having a relaxing meal... well what's the point?

FWIW I don't have a monitor at home.

But I do have a small house. The first time my son comes out his cot he was 18m old. He did it with ninja like silence. God knows how long he'd been out his cot playing in his room right above my head when we found him happy as Larry at 10pm.

Assuming most people are talking about monkeys for sound only... well what use would that have been?

He was fine as he was in his own room. An unfamiliar room? J dread to think.

I would judge that the risks are probably a little bit higher in a hotel:

At home I don't leave my house keys hanging in a public space which is something left unmonitored when reception staff are called away.

At home nobody else has a master key which they might leave unattended in a public space.

At home I myself can check that fire alarms are functioning, all escape routes clear and easily opened etc.

In the event of a fire, at home I would have a free route up the stairs and not be competing with terrified strangers trying to get down the same stairs.

would & have happily done it, some hotels also offer a baby listening service in reception.
Its great!
But then I also was one of those toddlers/children left in the chalet in pontins in the 70's with nothing more than someone cycling around the camp listening for a child crying & the chalet number to be flashed up on the screen in the Ballroom.

No - I'm not expecting a child to "look after itself" - I'm expecting him to sleep - the way he does every night and has done since he was two weeks old . If I had had a child who woke up during the night or who constantly needed attention, I might then have made a different judgement.

Kidnap her child. No parent should be drinking in a bar when they are parents. EVER. Or hire a hitman to take out this so-called mum. You are much better than she is.

Do people not let their children sleep in pushchairs anymore?
Obviously older children would be different but we've just been in holiday and our DS (2yo) slept in the pushchair every evening until we got back to our room.

No way. I was surprised when, last year, we stayed at a country hotel that offered a listening service. What's more, we were in outbuildings and separated from the main building by about 150-200 yards.

throughgrittedteeth my 22-month-old son won't sleep anywhere but his cot (even night flights don't send him to sleep).

We either take my parents with us on holiday, and have them babysit while we go out as a couple, or we eat out early as a family.

I haven't done it nor would I.
But it does depend on many factors whether it is wrong or not.
To me though its not home and whilst you can be in the bar which is really close to your childs room, there are probably a lot more people than at home who can also be close to your childs room.
you would never forgive yourself.....

Prettybird- of course it's a case of weighing up risks in any situation. But there's a vast difference between accepting an element of risk for the sake of advancing independence and life experience for your child. Being able to confidently navigate stairs. walk to the shops on their own and cycle round town ( at appropriate ages) are important skills for the child. And I'm the first person to cringe when I see kids so wrapped up in cotton wool that they Display learned helplessness

But what benefit to the child is there in being left alone in a hotel room? It's not advancing learning or fostering independence. It's a totally unecessary course of action . The only possible benefit (?) is the parents get to sit in a hotel bar with a baby monitor... What a bizarre idea of an evening out

I wonder if, whilst you were away at the hotel, you won the lottery and had to keep the winning ticket safe - would you allow that to stay in your hotel room whilst you went out. No, you'd probably keep it with you because it was so valuable and lucky.
But your DC, yes, leave them.
An overly simplistic analogy I grant.

Oh and before anyone replies to my last post with 'well what's wrong with benefiting the parents?' - there's absolutely nothing wrong with parents protecting their own adult time ; indeed, I would say that part of being a good parent is not losing sight of your own needs. I'm the mum who spent a week madly expressing milk for our month old first baby so we could go to a long awaited gig we'd bought tickets for a year before. But we did it with proper babysitting arrangements.

Having time as a couple, and ensuring your children are properly supervised are not mutually exclusive you know. It just takes a bit more effort to set things up- oh and money to pay for a babysitter, which is, oddly, the stumbling block for many people, who think nothing of spending on a bottle of wine in a bar, or on a night out, but resent the idea of a few extra quid to pay someone to supervise their precious child. Truly bizarre.

No way I could do this just for pure fact it wouldn't feel right. We've been away countless times with DD now 2 & depending in where we stay we have different plans. Family holiday in France - private villa - one if us would stay behind. Hotel room in Dublin - DD in corner with lights off, DH & I reading/watched TV with lamp on. Family wedding - DD slept in buggy with ear defenders. I don't drink so its not really a sacrifice but even if it was we chose to have her. I'd hate for her to wake & feel scared & alone.

YANBU.

I wouldn't pop over to the corner shop while DD was asleep in her cot so why would I leave her in a hotel room? Christ, if I have to get something out the garage (not attached to house) i won't even do it while shes napping. Maybe I'm PFB but I hate to think of my child alone.

Only last weekend out next door neighbour had a BBQ/party in the evening. The monitor would work easily in their garden but my DH stayed at home while I popped over for an hour.

A few months before MM hit the headlines, we were at a wedding in a small country hotel. My mum's wedding. We had a room with our 3 DC, then aged 6, 4 and baby. I planned on leaving reception at about 8-9pm and staying in room with DC but mother kicked up quite a fuss and we ended up spending the evening dashing back and forth from 9pm -11pm when I couldn't stand it any more.

It was -me in room with sleeping DC for 10 mins, leaving room (ground floor), crossing reception and into dining room, pretending to socialize merrily for 10 mins, then sending DH off to room... It was exhausting and no fun at all. I felt awful leaving kids, guilty leaving party, mean sending DH off...

Never again. This year on holiday, DS (now 13) had a strop and wanted to stay at the hotel while we went out for dinner and I wouldn't let him!

It's all about your own conscious I think. If it doesn't sit well with you, just don't do it. If you are able to relax, guilt-free then your call...

You wouldn't let your 13 year old stay alone in a hotel room .

I remember in early 80s when I was 9 my parents left me & my sister aged 7 in an Amsterdam hotel room while they went out. They went after we were asleep. Completely insane, they are non drinkers very sensible normally. We woke up, were terrified, managed to get out of the room to look for them, locked ourselves out, & ended up being put back in room by hotel staff. Dreadful experience for us.

Would not leave children in a room on their own in a hotel!

I recently left my 6mo asleep and went and ate in the hotel restaurant downstairs with the monitor on. I would do this again. I wouldn't leave a toddler who could get out unless I was in a tiny tiny hotel and I wouldn't leave a baby in a big hotel.
Am shocked most people wouldn't leave babies. I agree with the pp who talked about a 3 story house. We live in a weird tall thin place and the baby is 4 floors up at home and at the hotel restaurant we were much closer.
We always ask to be close to the restaurant.
Can we please clarify that people are not talking about leaving babies and going on the piss, just a nice meal.
Also, The mm case did periodic checks, think monitoring and video monitoring is safer.

A 13 year old!

And there is a bit of a difference between leaving a sleeping baby to go downstairs with a baby monitor and leaving 7 and 9 year olds without telling them to hit the nightspots of Amsterdam!

I have done this for a very quick meal in family-run hotels, where we know we are only a few flights of stairs away. Including in the same resort in Portugal, 16 years ago. We are not big drinkers and had a monitor and left the table every fifteen minutes.