to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

And again, it's not about the abuse is it?

Curlew

Yes there have been cases as I have mentioned several times now. One at least did make the news that I'm aware of. Certain cases can have reporting restrictions that prevent this in order to avoid identifying the children involved.

You are twisting my words slightly about the accidents. I have not assumed they had monitors. In some instances I have been told by the parents themselves or colleagues that they had them. On other occasions the parents have insisted they were in the room when the evidence suggests otherwise and sometimes this had led to admission later that they were out but had a monitor. I was not involved in the legal side of the accidents only the health side.

I used to live in the US and there were a fair few prosecutions of child neglect of those that left their children alone in hotel rooms whether they came to any harm or not.

5 minutes on Google searching news shows 2 cases (of children be ing left) in the US reported in the past 24 hours.

Near misses don't get reported.

And again, it's not about abuse.

To start massive caveat - it depends on the hotel. I would NOT leave the building.

But....

I have to add. I have done and will do it. Wasn't liking curlew getting a flaming on her own.

Eurodisney hotel they even provide you with baby monitors.

One poster has said the reasons she hasn't done it are as

"The top reasons are probably

Wouldn't feel right
Wouldn't be able to relax
Worried DS would be unsettled in unfamiliar surroundings
Concern over DS getting out of cot and having some sort of accident
Concern over fire in a place where I don't know they layout as well as home"

Well.... To answer those concerns:

• it felt right

-I could relax

• DS incapable of climbing out of grobag/cot
• we did a fire risk assessment. Checked stairs and access ways. Also when a fire alarm goes off, without fail people spend the first 10 seconds in a public building, saying is this a fire alarm, is this for real, should we do anything blah blah. We would not... We just run back... Also fires are terribly common....not.

Am prepared to be shot down in flames for this, but just couldn't let other people take the heat alone.

Ps have just read this post to my Dh who said actually don't you remember the fire alarm went off when we went ski-ing. I ran 3 floors in 15 seconds. (He is pretty fit). Also what would the babysitter do, if the fire stops us getting in to his room, it would also stop the babysitter leaving the room...

So you were 3 stories away?

Shudder.

If my baby was stuck in a room due to a fire I'd rather be stuck in there with him but fires can happen in the home so again it is the size of the hotel and what you feel comfortable with

paradise can you link to the cases of children having something happen to them in a hotel room then when left on their own with or without a monitor and either in the US or the UK - what was the something that happened to them?

As I googled but could find children being left and parents prosecuted (I know the laws are different in the different states) - but not children being left and having something happen.

what is a near miss? Is this when someone gets caught doing something to a child or when a child has something happen to them in a hotel room on their own. Do all near misses not get reported and if so how do we know about near misses?

I've done it, in a hotel chain that markets itself as not just family friendly but specifically for families (advertises on here) and has a baby-listening service. When we got there, we realised they'd booked us into the old stable block - separate building, OK only a few yards away, but still.

I felt really uncomfortable but kind of obliged to try it out as we'd booked it and I felt somehow fussy and ridiculous not going for dinner given it was family-friendly etc. etc. etc. Can't recall how old ds was but older baby/young toddler IIRC.

Was very glad we'd got our own baby monitor but equally worried it would interfere with everyone else's and pick up a completely different child! And dithered about whether to lock the door of the room, given it occurred to me fire was more likely than a mad baby-snatcher. (Not that ds could have got out on his own but we/fire fighters would have stood more chance of getting in to an unlocked room.)

Hurried dinner* and rushed back to the room. ds was fine but I never did it again - self catering all the way, may have cramped our style a bit but hey, it's no fun going out if you are worried about how safe your child is.

I can see how the McCanns and other parents were lulled into a potentially false sense of security though. If everyone else is doing it, you feel as if you are fussy and PFB if you are reluctant. And the chances of your child being snatched are very remote.

• Didn't mind hurrying dinner as the food was rubbish - hotel publicity claimed grown on site/local produce yadda yadda yadda but clearly the chef didn't like vegetarians very much!

paradisechick just to respond to your points re my earlier post.

I don't put going out for a meal with my husband ahead of ds' s basic needs. I ate a neal downstairs while ds was asleep in a room upstairs. 10mo so can't get out, monitor with pressure mat so I can hear if he wakes up or the child snatcher decides to break in.

I feel much more relaxed doing this than I would leaving him with a babysitter from an agency which is our only other alternative.

Yes we were 3 floors. But fortunately our very expensive baby monitor + iPhone app (which is v good by the way) was telling us what was going on.)

Also rhubarb, from what I have read of some of your posts, I concur. I am now hiding under the table with full body armour on... ;-))

I should add I am currently in the garden of a town house with only one stair route up to the bedroom floor... Shudders ;-))

We get a suite with seperate childrens bedroom and order room service dinner.
Or organise a babysitter in advance.

My biggest worry is one of the DC waking up and getting out of the room / harming themselves within the room itself eg. Running a bath and drowning rather than being kidnapped etc.

At least no one is admitting to having a meal outside the hotel!

weakest - that sounds very civilised but sadly my budget doesn't stretch to a suite, so self-catering it is!

Near miss as in not reported. Like the baby getting out of bed, getting injured but it not being linked to being left alone.

Because as soon as something happens and you weren't there, you're in the shit.

I had a meal outside the hotel. Can't remember how far away it was but I was away for two hours. Don't think it was that far away.

No one at the hotel called the police or social services. They were happy to offer a listening service. I can't remember now if they physically went in to check on her. She was about nine months old and sleeping soundly for about 12 hours every night.

My child lives and thrives to this day.

I don't know why yams is still addressing me?

And ParadiseChick is clearly going to be rude and obnoxious to anyone who disagrees with her or calls her up on her ridiculous comparisons - like a child in an empty house versus a child in a hotel room with a monitor.

Cases of abandoned children are usually in homes where their parents have gone out partying.

I think people are letting their imaginations get carried away with them.

Statistically your child is proven to be more at risk from the babysitter. I wonder how many cases I could link to if I Googled that?

The risks of something untoward happening to your child in a hotel room with a monitor transmitting every little sound to you - or even better a video monitor where you can see your child - is negligable when you weigh up the risks:

a) kidnap. Child abduction by a stranger is so rare that people are still mentioning the McCann case almost 8 years on. Most kidnaps are family or friends.
b) burglary. If you have a monitor on then you would hear if anyone entered the room and would be up there before that thief saw their opportunity to steal a child from a hotel room.
c) fire. Yes this is a risk but hotels are safer than most domestic homes as they have strict fire regulations and you WOULD be allowed to rescue your child. My MILs home is more of a fire risk than a hotel and yet I doubt I would be called irresponsible for allowing the dcs to stay there.
d) aliens. We haven't covered this yet.

Every situation is different and some parents might decide not to use the baby monitor because the room is too far from the restaurant, or the hotel is too busy with people, or they feel that the room is not secure enough. But if the hotel is decent, if the room is close enough, if it's quiet, if security is good (many hotels have CCTV cameras) then based on that situation a parent might well decide that the risk of kidnap, burglary or fire is negligable with a good baby monitor acting as lookout.

That does not warrant a phone call to social services or the accusation that they don't love their kids or are moronic, idiots or any of the other terms of abuse hurled. In fact most of us who have explained our actions have done so as reasonably, as calmly and as patiently as possible whilst being subject to all levels of goading and abuse.

Why would a case even come to light of nothing had happened. The fact the parents were caught and charged implied something did happen because of nothing happened nobody would have known the child has been left.

edam sadly it's a rare occasion in this household these days!

That's good Spero I wouldn't wish anything else

My friend's child once got out of her bed, opened her window and fell out head first. The first they knew of it was when they saw her fall past the window. Thankfully she was ok, she must have bounced!

Would that have happened with a baby monitor? No, as they would have heard her moving around.

Did the police or social services get involved? No, it was an accident that could have happened to anyone. They didn't know she could open the window.

Many hotel windows don't open all the way because of safety issues.

Still waiting to hear a reason why a meal is so important your happily leave your baby alone for?

In terms of statistically likely harm to befall my child, she is most at risk in my care if
a)I drive her in a car
b)I have a boyfriend

a) happens very frequently. b) is very unlikely for me. But not for lots of others!

Paradise

a meal in and of itself means nothing. 'A meal' when it is a chance to catch up with a much loved friend who is rarely seen, a chance to step outside an exhausting and lonely role for just 2 hours in nine months, to return to the (sometimes) drudgery and thanklessness of many child rearing tasks... is a wonderful thing.

By all means, don't do it if you don't feel comfortable.

But how about calling the police and trying to retrospectively report me, see if they share your outrage? I think it was a hotel in Devon, could probably dig up name and address and date if pushed.

I want to see a link to these two US cases so we can see how old the children were; where they were left; for how long, etc.

ParadiseChick seems to think that leaving a child alone in a hotel room with a baby monitor is just the same as leaving a child alone in a house with no monitoring equipment whatsoever and nothing will tear her away from making this point time and time again, despite it not being comparable in any way whatsoever.