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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

765 replies

strawberry34 · 07/07/2013 14:03

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

OP posts:
curlew · 08/07/2013 16:40

I know-but I though I'd ask the question!

merrymouse · 08/07/2013 16:41

Has there been a general agreement about the size of this hypothetical hotel?

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 16:46

It can't be compared to the McCann case as they weren't in the hotel with a baby monitor and they don't deserve what happened to them, no one does

Sallystyle · 08/07/2013 16:51

Doesn't it really depends on your child though?

If you know yours is likely to wake up and be scared then it stands to reason you wouldn't want to leave him/her.

If yours sleeps like a log for hours then that is different.

The being stolen thing etc is hysteria imo.

Are you miles away from the baby or just downstairs where you can quickly reach them?

It would be reasonable to leave your child while you pop downstairs for a meal as that is not much different then going in your garden while your little one is sleeping... if the restaurant is further away then that would make a hell of a difference.

I am going to change my answer and say that yes, if it is just downstairs where I can easily reach them and mine sleep through the night I probably would do it. That is no different then going into the garden while yours is upstairs.

ShakyStart · 08/07/2013 16:54

My parents did this at a hotel in the Lake District when I was about 3 and my brother about 8. There were no monitors in those days and they'd gone downstairs to eat in the restaurant? My bro and I heard a strange noise at the door. We thought someone was trying to get in so my bro getting v concerned and seeing the door handle keep moving called reception to tell them that we thought we had an intruder at the door. Lo and behold reception staff came up to check and disturbed a burglar who had stolen some things from the adjacent room. I dread to think what may have happened if the burglar had got into our room. Stupidly, at the time I recalled thinking it would be OK if the intruder got in cos my bro was taking karate lessons at the time and could protect us! Anyway, needless to say, it left my parents feeling very sheepish and they didn't do it again.also it was no dodgy hotel, it's afour star and one of the premier hotels on Windermere.

ivykaty44 · 08/07/2013 16:56

It seems now that posters are grasping at straws by changing the goal posts to babies being left home alone.

Merrymouse _ I asked the question about size and distance a while back and no one answered, it has also been asked to show a case with a baby or small child being taken or a something happening to them - again no answer though lots of muttering but nothing

THERhubarb · 08/07/2013 16:57

ShakyStart whilst that must have been horrible, if baby monitors had been around your brother could have just called out and your mum and dad would have been there within minutes.

No-one, absolutely no-one has said that it is ok to leave a child in a hotel room completely alone without any security measures.

We are saying that to have a baby monitor negates some of the risk, turning it from a high risk decision to one which is manageable dependent on the circumstances.

donttellalfred · 08/07/2013 17:03

My hypothetical hotel (and the real one I left DS alone in his room in) is a small one. I would not have a problem being effectively downstairs in someone else's house, which is what you are in a small hotel's dining room. I wouldn't do it if it would take me a while to get back to the room or in a large hotel, but that's just my feeling about it.

yamsareyammy · 08/07/2013 17:03

Sorry if you are not a foster parent.
I think you have talked on the foster board several times before in the past, so from what I can remember, I thought you probably, on balance, were.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 08/07/2013 17:04

Was her baby monitor a video one?

THERhubarb · 08/07/2013 17:06

No, I am not. Do not presume to know me please.
My mother was and I have contributed to one thread on the foster parents board.
Get your facts right next time you try to threaten someone. And fwiw I think social services would laugh in your face.

It was my Health Visitor who suggested using a baby monitor in a hotel room to us.

THERhubarb · 08/07/2013 17:08

I have children to see to now. Those neglected ones.

This thread has left a very bad taste in my mouth. I would never like to meet some of you in real life.

ShakyStart · 08/07/2013 17:13

To TheRhubarb, just letting everyone know about my experience didn't make a judgment either way. Just highlighting the types of situations that can happen that we may not expect!

Glimmerberry · 08/07/2013 17:13

When we've travelled (DH, me and toddler) we book adjoining rooms or a suite in which one room can be closed to the others. He sleeps in the adjoining room (door to corridoor locked) and we sleep in the main room. Then we can get him down at 7.30 in his quiet and darkened room while we can close the door and relax, watch tv, make noise, have room service or a takeaway etc until we want to sleep. When we're ready to be quiet and sleep I open the door between the rooms so we can hear him through the night or when he wakes in the morning.

It does mean phoning and making a request for special rooms like this rather than booking online. Sometimes it's been really expensive and other times it's been the same cost as any other room. Either way I think we just accept going away now is more expensive than it was pre-DS.

yamsareyammy · 08/07/2013 17:17

If you look at my posts carefully, you will see that I am not threatening you.
If you look at them closely, I was advising you, that if you were a foster parent, to check things out with ss.
A reasonable suggestion, dont you think?

I was on the same thread you talk about Rhubarb, about your mother.
And you and I, and maybe a couple of other posters, were advising another potential foster carer not to foster too many children, or something like that.

ItsAFuckingVase · 08/07/2013 17:18

In the interests of balance - I've never offered a listening or babysitting service as I've managed largely corporate hotels with weekend leisure business so it isn't really the market, it wouldn't be worth the paperwork and extra recruitment.

I've never known a problem whenever parents have left a child in their room to have dinner or at a wedding. The issues I liste were when parents were present either in the room or an adjoining one.

I just wouldn't do it, and I'm sure my hotel knowledge leads me to that conclusion. We all assess risk differently - hence why I love riding motorbikes and diving and somebody else would say no to those things because they assess the risks involved differently.

hackmum · 08/07/2013 17:22

I've done it once. I didn't like doing it, though I knew rationally the chances of anything bad happening were minimal. DD was just turned 2, she and I were invited to a 40th birthday party in the hotel. She had lots of fun at the party and then I put her to bed about 9ish, staying with her till she fell asleep in the cot, then went downstairs for a couple of hours for the rest of the party. She was fine. I think the chances of a fire starting are fairly remote, aren't they? Compared, that is, to the number of terrible things that could happen in the course of daily life.

yamsareyammy · 08/07/2013 17:22

Rhubarb. If you post on MN, then to a certain extent we do "know" you. Or in this case, part "know" you.
It is up to posters how much personal stuff they put on here.
My memory has much improved thanks to MN though as you can see, it doesnt always get things right 100%

yamsareyammy · 08/07/2013 17:33

I dont think people think you are bad at parenting THERhubarb, if that is what is bothering you.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 08/07/2013 17:37

Yanbu. An incredibly stupid thing to do.

hamilton75 · 08/07/2013 17:46

Curlew

The 2 proven abuse cases, yes (albeit different hotels). Most of the suspected ones I can't recall but some yes.

The accidental deaths/serious accidents again yes in most cases to my knowledge (some cases where the parents have insisted they were still in the room - complete bull).

I worked for one health trust and one local authority, I'm sure the same sort of scenario is repeated throughout country/world.

curlew · 08/07/2013 18:12

So there have been proven cases of abuse of a baby left a locked hotel room with parents downstairs with a monitor? Somebody managed to abuse a baby in complete silence?

And this didn't make the news because?

Ditto the accidental deaths- you say the parents say they were in the room- you are assuming they were downstairs with a baby monitor. Why didn't it make the news?

ParadiseChick · 08/07/2013 18:21

Curlew had again you're evading questions and demanding proof, denying incidents - why is that? Why are you always still keen to imply hysterics where there are more and deny the existence of incidents?

It seems like a hobby of yours.

curlew · 08/07/2013 18:28

I'm not evading questions as far as I know.

I just find it hard to believe that babies could be abused in locked hotel rooms with their parents listening on a monitor from downstairs. And if it did happen, I find it even harder to believe that it didn't make the news.

LookingForwardToMarch · 08/07/2013 18:35

I dunno...

Tons of horrible stuff doesn't make the news. I'm thinking of one local incident recently. It was vile but it only made the crappy local news paper, never saw it on the telly or anywhere else.

So it's entirely possible for things to slip under the radar.

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