to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

Please do, I'd be very interested to hear you justify it.

themaltesecat I get what you are saying and thank you for putting it so reasonably in a way that some are incapable of.

Your baby was different to mine. So no, it would not have suited your baby but mine followed a routine. She was a good sleeper and needed her bed at 7pm or she'd become very ratty.

I knew that if she woke up, I would be there within minutes. We have stayed in enough friends houses where, if she had woken up she would have had to wait for me to go into her room anyway so I don't get the terror of waking up in a strange room with no parents. That could happen anywhere, even in a caravan in the middle of the night and it might take you a while to crawl out of bed to reassure them.

Your children are more at risk from someone they know. So being a protective parent makes no difference. April Jones was playing out with a friend, not far from home as a treat for getting a good result at school. She got into a van with a family friend - a friend of her mums. How on earth could that have been prevented?

My friend sometimes picks my dd up on her way back from school if it's pouring it down with rain. Am I to be so paranoid as to ask her not to do that?

I may seem relaxed on some things and yes I do believe in giving my children freedom so they can play outside and these days they venture a little farther, so perhaps to the shop and back. I don't believe in keeping them indoors glued to a TV set. But on others I am very strict and I would not ever allow a stranger or neighbour to babysit whilst they were young. I still get uncomfortable about sleepovers and that never happened until dd was at secondary.

Like you say, we all make different choices and we have a different attitude to risk. In my mind, I did everything I could to ensure my kids were safe and if there was a greater risk, I would not have taken it.

I think people have an irrational fear. Nobody would even cross a road if you looked at the actual risks.

Having said that, you do need to risk assess and do what you feel comfortable with, whilst thinking rationally. There have been times when we have booked cottages villas etc for this reason. Also, we have sat in the corridor of a hotel with our backs to the door, waiting and listening for the kids to go to sleep (they wouldn't settle if they knew they had company), then gone back in and watched tv. And once - yes I admit, we left a one year old in a room while we had a special anniversary meal. I phoned the hotel in advance and asked for the room next to the restaurant and used a baby monitor.

Whilst I would try to avoid leaving them if possible, I have also used common sense at times.

TBH, I judge parents letting their small children stay up till midnight, when they obviously need their bed, more than I do parents who risk assess and use baby monitors, in places where they could get to easily and quickly.

MM's case is different. Too far, unlocked and no constant monitoring. I do think it has induced so much paranoia that it is unhealthy though.

ParadiseChick get over yourself love.

Do you sleep in the same room as your children? Do you leave them alone in the evenings whilst you go downstairs and watch TV?

My children were safer than yours because I could not only hear their breathing but also monitor it on the screen. It is not possible for you to hear your child's breathing from downstairs with the TV on and I'll wager you don't have a monitor that allows you to see it either.

I did. Therefore I had a far better idea of what was going on in that room than you could.

My 2 DC sleep very heavily. When they are asleep they are asleep and very very unlikely to wake.

In a small hotel, under the right circumstances I'd probably be OK with going downstairs to bar/restaurant with a baby monitor. I'd have to see how I felt at the time though & would listen to my instincts.

With a toddler I'd be more likely to get them asleep in a buggy and take them with me & in fact I've done this many times.

It would not be a holiday for me to sit in a hotel room from 7/8 pm every night. And for this reason hotels really don't appeal. Which is why we do glamping/camping/holiday cottage holidays, so when the DC are in bed we can relax the garden with wine etc and everyone is happy.

shewhowines exactly that - common sense.

This is not something we would do all the time and if we could have afforded a villa or apartment we would have got one. We obviously would not have them dd or ds if we didn't have to but in certain instances, it was either that or take them with us and have them scream the restaurant down or retire to bed at 7pm.

This culture of paranoia is unhealthy and it restricts children. How many kids do you see playing out on the streets these days? Even during the holidays you hardly see them because most are shut indoors watching TV or given access to the internet where they are more at risk.

And yes, forcing a tired child to stay up until late whilst parents stuff their faces and drink copious amounts is much worse imo.

You don't leave your babies alone in hotel rooms. It really is that easy.

It's not your home, it's not comparible.

Babies gain nothing from being alone in a hotel room whilst mum and dad have dinner - it's not comparible to letting a 6 year old out to play or watch to much TV - which you seem intent on bringing up even though it bears no relevence to this thread.

None of my business? True, they aren't my babies being left alone.

Buffy speaks sense.

I've still to hear a justifcation for this behaviour.

So ParadiseChick since you seem so intent on judging others to be unfit parents, tell us about your set-up then.

Where do your children go to bed? Upstairs? Right above your living room? And do you have the TV on downstairs whilst they are in bed or are you sat there quietly, trying to hear them? How old is your house? How thick are the walls? Have you ever gone outside in the evening, even if just to put the bins out whilst they are asleep?

Come on, you've judged me so now let me judge you. I've been honest and told you of my individual situation so the least you can do is to tell us all yours.

Honestly, hotels offer it because it attracts families and the more relaxed and comfortable those families feel, the more money they spend. Hotels are businesses and unfortunately the bottom line is always the most important thing.

Also, I've never mentioned getting a babysitter!

I honestly think people will do what they feel best, an I doubt many parents leave their children to go off clubbing. It's just not something I would do, for the reasons already stated.

Who are you? The Secret Branch of Social Services? Why the fuck should I justify anything to some rude stranger on the internet?

ItsAFuckingVase again, thanks for a more reasoned response.

Yes I understand why hotels offer the service, but if anything went wrong surely that would leave them open to being sued by the parents? So if the risk was so great, many hotels would refuse to do it?

The fact is that a number of hotels do offer this service still. Personally I would rather trust my own baby monitor than a member of staff with a connected telephone to my room

THERhubarb

You're right- generally- about stranger danger. Actually, it sounds as though we are hold quite similar views in general. Who knows? If I had had a baby like yours, who followed any semblance of a routine and didn't launch herself from mild whimpering to full-scale hysterics within five seconds, perhaps I'd have considered acting as you did. Of course, you judged the risks and it's very, very good that you judged correctly.

Re: April Jones, nothing could have protected that poor wee mite from that man, and I hope it doesn't appear from what I said that I think her poor parents were slack. I think, in that case, all the circumstances colluded so that she was available at that particular time when he was ready to pounce. Should they not have let her ride her bike as a reward for a good report, on the off-chance a murderer came past? No, how daft that sounds. Will I let my child ride her bike out of eyeshot? Not a chance. I'd be just as concerned by other risks such as her darting into the street- but again, it depends on the child. My farmer friend was riding a tractor when she was three, and I couldn't manage a bike on the road till I was about twenty , so it's impossible to extrapolate from one kid to another!

There is a vast difference between wrapping them in cotton wall and wilfully exposing them to danger, and the poster who suggested it's a "black and white" issue perhaps hasn't thought it through enough.

I think the best post was about the lottery ticket.

I can't actually think of anyone who would leave a jackpot lottery ticket in a locked hotel room in plain sight...

None of that is the same with leaving a baby in a hotel room, it's just not.

But, seeing as you asked, they go to bed in their bed rooms. I have a 2 bed house, built circa 1960 (give or take a few years), I sometimes have the TV on, sometimes music, sometimes nothing. I sometimes sit in the garden (back, their window is at the back too, lock the front door) and even put the bins out - crazy behaviour in my own home isn't it?

I'll get back to you on the thickness of the walls, I have not a clue.

I'm not 'trying' to hear them, I hear them when they need me, I am up and down the stairs for various reasons (loo, my room etc) and I'm there.

Can you say the same when your baby is in a hotel room and you're in a resturant? You're not there.

But, once again for the hard of hearing reading, it's not a comparision you can make because that's my home, their home.

Why won't people learn the lessons from history?

If the disappearance of Madelaine STILL doesn't make people realise that you just cannot do it, then I really do fucking despair.

Absolutely not, we stayed in a small hotel recently and I put DD to sleep in the room whilst DP and DS had a drink so I could get DD to sleep better. Once she was asleep I locked the door and ran to DP to say she was asleep and they could come back and then ran straight back.

The cafe was 5 doors away from the room, but just the art of locking my daughter in a strange room turned my stomach and I couldn't bring myself to leave it unlocked, I couldn't get back there quick enough.

Leaving her their to have dinner??? Absolutely no chance.

didnt this one get shut down last time?

You've taken a stance and I'd like to hear why. Whhere that reason is there that makes it ok in your head to leave your baby to go eat a meal?

Where along the line does a meal become more important?

I bet your valuables were in the safe.

Interestingly there was a lady on another thread who couldnt even sit in her own garden when her kids where in bed because she was so terrified that someone could come in and take them.

Anyone remember being left in the car whilst your parents had dinner if you where naughty?

If the disappearance of Madelaine STILL doesn't make people realise that you just cannot do it, then I really do fucking despair. But we are not comparing like for like. Think ratiionally. If you are close by and can hear everything on a baby monitor then you are supervising your kids, probably better than most people do in their own homes with windows and doors open.