to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

So let's do a risk assessment.

I would assess the quality of the hotel, i.e it's not a dingy Guest House in a dodgy area. I would assess how far it is from our room to the bar/restaurant (that would exclude Premier Inn, so we are talking a hotel with a restaurant on the premises). I would check the sensitivity of the baby monitor. I would then book a table for the earliest time, so say 7pm when it is quiet. We would be away from our room for around 2 hours and in that time we would check in on them every half hour. The monitor would be sat on the table in the restaurant and we could see the breathing monitor lit up quite clearly. We would not have to focus on it all evening.

That, to me, is far preferable than having to deal with a screaming, over-tired child who is disturbing everyone else (and there have been threads on Mumsnet about diners having their meals disturbed by screaming children and judgements about those parents too so you can't win) whilst you get more frazzled and upset.

Contrary to popular belief, a holiday is not just for the children but also a time when mum and dad can re-connect with each other too.

I am in that situation every time we want to eat out or go on holiday. It's not a situation.

Buffy I agree.

FWIW that first disasterous night the waiter actually did bring our meals up to our room for us but we were under the impression that this was an exception rather than the norm and sitting on the ends of our bed eating a meal isn't quite the same!

I have spent a fair amount of my time in a darkened hotel room with dh from 7pm just sat there waiting for them to sleep. You cannot turn the light on as it will waken them, you cannot watch TV, you are doomed to retire at the same time as them unless you can afford adjoining rooms. We've even squatted in the bathroom with a glass of wine before now, trying to catch 10 minutes together.

I do not know how other people can go straight to their hotel rooms at 7pm with the kids. What do you do? Can your kids sleep with the TV on? Because mine never could! Do you go to bed at the same time as them? What on earth do you do?

Yes I'm sure some would say "take them with you!" but my kids had a routine. By 7pm they were tired and wanted to go to bed. Staying up late came when they were older and more able to handle it. As tots they just got over-tired and grumpy and would scream and scream.

And again, you've 'got away with it' so many times you think it's ok.

It's not.

x-posts Buffy, no it wasn't aimed at you at all. You are one of the voices of reason and one of the posters who is able to remain civil even whilst having a different opinion.

Don't worry about it Rhubarb, you don't really care if people judge you, surely? People do have skewed values, this is no different.

I do think as well, that we should all remember that this only lasts a few years, then it's all change. Ooh wait....I can feel a MN phrase coming on....This too shall pass .

ParadiseChick so many times? How many times do you think I have done it?

I can count them on one hand.

It's not ok to you no. There are lots of things that are equally not ok to me either but I manage to remain polite and pleasant about them.

You suck it up.

They sleep in buggies, you book bigger hotel rooms so there's space for them to sleep, you book a room with a balcony or one that opens out onto space you can enjoy that. You stay in villas.

You don't keep doing the same thing and expecting peace - adapt! There are a million options before leaving your babies alone.

Peppermint I clearly don't. I have been on loads of these threads, they always turn nasty and it's always those who think it's appauling behaviour that are the nastiest. Implying that you don't love your children? That's pretty low but also pretty standard for these threads. I'm sure they would have our children taken off us if they could. They don't seem to understand different opinions or different ways of parenting. They just have a black and white view of things. I'm glad I'm now older and wiser because attitudes like these, back when I was new at parenting, anxious and incredibly sensitive these comments would probably have destroyed me.

ParadiseChick yeah because everyone has the money to get a bigger hotel room with a balcony.

Meantime, in the real world where most hotel rooms consist on just one small room with a bathroom you have no choice but to either retire at 7pm or adapt as you said, and we did adapt. You don't like our adaption, so suck it up yourself. It's none of your business frankly. Just like your parenting skills are none of mine.

Maybe when people are telling you it's wrong you listen?

If that's what you require froma break and you can't afford it you don't go!

A caravan would be better suited to your needs.

Your adaptations result in infants being left alone and you talk about it like's it's a valid alternative - it's not.

It's very black and white.

Well, yes, I take your point about being younger. I would have been scared to death by some of the views on here!

Carry on!

THERhubarb

No need to apologise. I don't want a bunfight with you. It's too hot.

I get that you've left a very young baby in a hotel room alone and it worked out. That is all well and good. I'm sure you love your kids and did what you felt was right.

In my case, being a loving mother entails being there when the baby wakes up, as my daughter has always been an appalling sleeper and cannot be easily calmed if she wakes up alone. She is just one of those very needy babies, and the complete opposite of my little cousin, who could probably sleep through a nuclear war and wake up, giggling, 12 hours later.

So no, I wouldn't leave my kid alone, and indeed do not go further than a room away during her naps. Paedophiles don't enter into it.

THAT SAID...

A certain number of paedophiles and child murderers do exist. Fanny Adams wasn't the first victim and April Jones won't be the last. In these times, when 99% of parents seem to be rather over-protective of their kids (endless safety devices, taking kids to the school gates in an armoured car, monitoring their SMSs and internet usage), such sickos as do dwell among us will be targeting the kids whose parents are more relaxed about things. If only one out a class of twenty primary school children walks home alone from primary school, that child is slightly more vulnerable now to the tiny number of paedophiles that there are.

Because you cannot really judge someone by appearances, and because I don't want my kid to be the only one "available" to someone who did have those tendencies, I will be very cautious about her as she gets older.

You are completely right about the internet thing, by the way- many anxious parents drop the ball there completely.

ParadiseChick why should I listen to people who condemn my parenting skills and imply that I don't love my kids?

Who are you to tell me how to book my holidays? Seriously, who the hell do you think you are?

Do you let your kids watch TV whilst you are out of the room? How many hours of TV do they watch? Did you breastfeed until they were one? Did you do baby-led weaning with your kids? Do they have internet access? Mobile phones? How about I pull you apart on one of your parenting decisions?

Telling me to book a caravan! Sod off!

I'm someone who wouldn't leave my babies sleeping alone to fill my face. I'm someone who puts their need to be looked after over my need for a lasange and a glass of wine.

It's that simple.

Babies on their own is never right, therefore it's wrong. HTH.

It's not an opinion, it's basic stuff about looking after the offspring your produce.

It's unjustifiable. I've yet to see a justification worthy of leaving babies or toddlers alone at night in a hotel.

Which is the issue in hand.