to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

Rhubarb

2 proven cases of abuse (different venues), one a staff member. Involvement in other suspected cases not proven beyond reasonable doubt.

From a casualty perspective, countless incidents (including some where parents said they were still in the room). Mostly blind/window related
next to cot/others toppling objects. A couple of deaths unfortunately and several cases of brain damage.

I haven't been involved with any cases of babysitter abuse in comparison but many with family involvement. From the abuse perspective yes I agree the risk is greater from family involvement however this does not negate the fact that there is a risk from leaving a child alone sleeping in a hotel room.

THERubharb see my earlier post about my stealth ninja 18m old who got out his cot at 18 months old in the room right above where we were sitting and made not a single sound!

I wouldn't do it.

Not because I have any thought for a minute that someone would get into the room and snatch her, but more because if she wakes up in strange places she gets a bit upset if we're not close.

To me the argument of a three storey house doesn't wash. We live in a large house - but if she wakes, she knows where she is and where mummy/daddy are likely to be.

And, if we go on holiday it is to spend time as a family so we do just that.

Talking to an older generation, say in their 60s and 70s, it was pretty normal to leave kids in hotel rooms, chalets etc. Places like Butlins had a baby listening service.

Personally, I have never done it, never felt it was the right thing to do.

And how clearly can you hear a moniter when in a resturant with the general hubub and chat.

And again, I ask the question, how 'relaxing' is that meal going to be when you're straining to hear a baby moniter? Why bother?

Room service sounds much more appealing!

I would judge people who do it either

but why are some tetchy about others simply saying it is not something they would do

I do would judge.

I would judge too.

ParadiseChick with all due respect, being below your child's room is not the same as having a baby monitor in there. I cannot hear my child breathe when I'm downstairs but I can with a monitor. If I can hear them breathe then I can also hear other things, such as their regular breathing becoming irregular (some monitors have their breathing lit up and an alarm sounds if the breathing stops), them climing out of their cots, etc.

hamilton75 hotels are bound by health and safety rules to keep any blind cords tied up. Your home is not subject to such strict risk assessments and so a child is more likely to hang themselves on a blind cord in your home whilst you are downstairs watching TV than they are in a hotel room where you are monitoring their breathing.

As for it being irresponsible, there are many parenting practices I might deem irresponsible that other parents may do on a regular basis; such as allowing a young child to walk to school alone; allowing a young child regular access to the internet alone; etc.

Your child is more at danger by being left unattended with a computer than in a hotel room.

I might, I might not.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable doing it. You obviously think I'm irrational for thinking that. That's fine.

There are risks, and scoffing about those parents that would rather err on the over-cautious side is as rude as those saying it's moronic.

Fwiw, we haven't been in the situation before so it's all hypothetical anyway.

Straining to hear the monitor? You don't have to. Most of them are lit up and most have an alarm which sounds if the child stop breathing.

You don't have to hear anything, you just watch the breathing patterns go up and down.

I wonder how such a thread would go if I said that I both judged and condemned parents who let their primary school kids have mobile phones and access to the internet.

Some people have a skewed notion of what constitues a risk.

Absolutely no way I would ever dream of doing this. Why can't they just eat at a time when their 2 year old isn't sleeping and therefore can join them, or why can't the 2 year old crash out in a buggy beside them? All I can think about is all the things that could happen i.e. someone going into the room and taking the child, would happen in the blink of an eye and doesn't bear thinking about.

Jackie I do not think that anyone who chooses not to leave their child alone with a baby monitor is over protective. I have not said that and I never would say that. I would respect your choice.

What I object to are the insults which are aimed at posters who say they would.

I HAVE done this and I WOULD do this again. Yet I am very strict about the internet and never allowed my kids to have mobile phones until they were in secondary (with ds not yet). I perceive that to be a greater risk to the safety of children.

Which again begs the question - are you really going to hear all those minute sounds over a moniter whilst having a meal and even if you do, how much fun is your meal going to be whilst straining and listening out for these minute sounds during that meal?

So you sit looking and listening at the monitor for the whole duration of your meal? How relaxing.

I couldn't. It's not "pearl-clutching," it's being a loving mother.

Ok.

I just asked DH and he also said no, but it was all based on paedo-hysteria. He reads the DM too much

As an ex hotel manager, I've dealt with more incidents than I'd like to remember. One involved the master lock defaulting, so each door could be opened by any card. One involved a guy getting over the unmanned reception counter during the night and taking a key. The key wa for a room occupied at the time by 2 children. The guy was a pissed up idiot looking for his own room. I've dealt with a full evacuation during the night - and nobody would be getting back into the building in that situation! There've been the many slips and trips etc

I wouldn't do it. I can control the environment at home, but in a hotel there are too many variables to consider.

It's simply not comparible with the risks assessed as children get older.

We're talking about leaving babies and toddlers alone to go out for a meal.

Oh yes we were insured, but that isn't a safeguard against accident!! You might have your home insured, but that doesn't mean you should forego fire safety, or not bother to lock your insured car!! Insurance is there to alleviate the pressure after a trauma - it isn't a safety net! Generally, risk assessments will cover the minimum activity to reduce risk - not eradicate it!

I was always amazed at how many parents handed their baby monitor to a member of my staff and asked them to let them know if there were any problems. I mean, I had no issue with my staff but for a stranger to trust them with the safety of their child was just insane!

I love my child.

The fact that I am also comfortable with leaving him in a hotel room in a place where I have assessed the likelihood of harm and judged it to be negligible is not mutually exclusive.

I am still a loving mother.

Tell you what, judge away.

In our case the first time dd was 6 months old. We went to Malta and tried taking her with us to eat. She was tired and cranky, most restaurants didn't open until late and so when we tried to have a meal at 7pm she would scream the place down so we didn't enjoy our food and spent the time alternating her between myself and dh whilst the other was able to quickly stuff a bit of food in.

So we put her down in our hotel room the third night and put the monitor on. She went to sleep at her usual time, peacefully and happy. Dh went downstairs to listen to the monitor just to check that he could hear it. During this time I crept about the room just grabbing a few things before heading out. He heard all of this.

We stayed in the hotel and had a lovely meal in the restaurant. Every half hour one of us would just double check our room. It was a much more relaxed experience.

We have done it with both a couple of times since.

I also spent 2 years living in France where their attitude is completely different. We would pick up our kids from school every day and I knew some of the mothers had young babies but they would arrive to pick up their kids without the babies. When I asked where they were, they would reply quite casually that they were at home asleep.

I would not go this far, but to these mothers that was perfectly normal and accepted.

I think that unless you are in that situation you cannot judge. As parents we all take a few risks every now and then but not without making sure that risk is an acceptable one. For me, the risk was acceptable because we could hear her breathing and could hear every sound when one of us went up there to check on her, including the door being opened, footsteps etc and that was us being really really quiet so as not to wake her.

But according to some posters this makes me an unfit mother and on one of these threads I have been told by a couple of posters that they would report me to social services. Yet here I am, calmly and rationally explaining why it's less of a risk to me whilst other posters clutch at their pearls and condemn all those parents who do so to the pits of eternal bad parenting.

I wonder who is the more reasonable?

ItsaFuckingVase why do hotels offer babysitting services then? And tbh the last thread I was on I was told to book a babysitter from an online service - is that not entrusting my child to a stranger?

And I'm sorry themaltesecat are you implying that I am not a loving mother?

Take a look at the disgusting comments on this thread, take a look at which side of the debate is doling out the, quite frankly, appauling accusations. I have come across this level of vitriol time and again and yet some of these posters will be allowing their child to talk to strangers over the net.