If you're aware your child is a spoiled brat - you should do something about it! AIBU?

[WhistlingNun]

I've just had the most frustrating conversation with my brother and Sil.

I'm taking my nephew - their 12yo son - away to a caravan holiday next week with me and 5yo dd.

Brother and SIL have just popped in for a quick visit, during which they tried to hand me £500! They said it was his spending money.

Then they tried to give my dd £300 and £100 for myself. I explained that no child would need that amount of spending money for a week at Haven. Most of the entertainment is included, but he might need a wee bit of spending money if he wanted to do extra activities such as climbing wall etc. But only £50 maximum.

I also said that i was only planning on eating out maybe 2 nights out of 7 (self catering) but i'm happy to cover the cost of his meals.

Well, they quite candidly said that my nephew is very fussy and would probably want a burger every night.

They said that i would find my hand constantly in my pocket to keep him happy.

He'd constantly be asking for money for the arcades.

He'll be moody and complaining if i don't give him money to occupy himself while i'm doing things with dd like the kids club.

He;ll be wanting drinks every two minutes.

I tried to assure them that i had a cheaper plan.

I'd buy him in nice quick foods or micro burgers to eat at the caravan. I didn't want my daughter eating out 7 nights and it wouldn't be fair to let him run into burger king every evening when my daughter's having to eat 'boring normal' food in the caravan.

They said he wouldn't put up with this and would go in a mood and probably not eat anything i made.

I said we can all spend a certain amount of time (maybe an hour) going around the arcades, and I'd ration him to £5-£10 per day.

They said he wouldn't be happy about this. He could quite easily spend an entire day at the arcades spending £100 each time. (They suggested i ration his arcade money to £25 a day).

I said he can take one of his portable computers to play (he has an ipad, psp, wiiU and a frigging 3DS) while i'm doing stuff with dd, rather than him doing something that costs money.

They said he gets fed up of his computers after 5 minutes so this wouldn't work.

I suggested i could buy a multipack of capri suns and take some out with me each evening for him rather than buy expensive drinks. They said he will prefer drinks that come fresh from the bar.

They were completely apologetic throughout all of this, stating they were fully aware he was a 'spoiled wee shit' as they so eloquently put it. My SIL says she's just spent over £600 on buying him new clothes for this holiday (almost twice the cost of the actual holiday!) and that she'd had to practically force him to murmur a thank you to her.

I was appalled. I said 'Well in future take him to the likes of Primark."

Then she looked appalled (snobby). "Oh no, he'd not have that. It's all got to be brand name with him."

It wasn't really my place to say, but i said it anyway. "If you want him to stop acting so precious, stop throwing money at him every two minutes."

They said they know it's their own fault, but he's gotten too used to it now, he doesn't know any different.

They left saying that if he plays up - which they anticipate - then they'll bring him home right away.

Now, i've had my nephew stay overnight before - so this week away is a big leap.

Yes, he is indeed a spoiled wee shit. But i don't stand for it when he;s here (which is probably why he hates staying with me!). E.g. the other week, i took him to the cinema and a cafe for a belated birthday treat.

Cost me a bloody fortune. Not one single thank you.

he complained the film was rubbish.

He choose the most expensive pizza on the menu (£20!) then decided he didn't like it. And went in a huff when i refused to buy him the second most expensive item on the menu. So he got landed with a basket of chips. Then all the way home he complained that his mum had bought him a crappy tablet instead of an ipad for his birthday. (They went out the next week and bought him an ipad - the tablet is now in the drawer).

I'm probably coming across as a total bitch here. But i just don't understand. If you know your child is a spoiled brat - why would you just put up with it? Why why why?

Anyway, i thanked them for the money, but handed them back the £400 they'd tried to give me and dd. I then reluctantly took the £500 for my nephew, but assured them he'd be coming home with a lot of change. The blimmin holiday only cost £400!

I love my nephew. I do. And i'm not dreading the week away with him. He'll be good company for me and dd. I'm sort of hoping to drum into him next week that it's possible to have fun without spending a heap of cash.

Wow what a rant! I started this at 4.30 - dinner's a-cinder!

[Bluebell99]

I feel sorry for him. you say you love him, but actually you sound really critical of him and his parents. I hope you all enjoy your holiday, weather looks like it will be great.

[mrsjay]

I think it is the parents she is critical of and TBh i wouldnt want a 12 yr old stomping about demanding money evry 5 minutes he sounds spoiled but it probably isn't his fault

[Tryharder]

I would eat out every night on that money. Seriously! You're on holiday and it will be nice for you not to have to cook and clear up. Self catering Is all very well when you are skint but if you have the money, why on earth not?

The £100 in the arcade every day is a non starter and ridiculous obviously. My kids get 50p worth of 2ps and when that's gone (in about 10 minutes unless they're lucky and win) we move on. I hate arcades though. I would ration him to £10 and one hour a day.

[mrsjay]

Its the tickets can you imagine the tickets he will win if he spends all his money and going to swap it all for tatt

we used to have a caravan on a holiday park and my dds saved up there tickets from all season the still only got a pencil and a aeroplane

[BigBoobiedBertha]

I'd 'accidentally' leave some of the money at home. £25 per day, £175 max. Tell him you split up large sums of money to make sure it doesn't all get lost if you lose your purse, have a theft etc (I would do that anyway) and say you left one of the purses at home. if you have the money and try to ration it it will lead to no end of upsets. Better simply not to have it.

Tbh, much as it is tempting to try and teach this child a few lessons in your week with him, you are on a hiding to nothing. He knows he will just be able to go home and continue as he was before. If he is clever and after an easy life he might go along with you but he is 12 and 12 yr olds aren't good at hiding what they think so I doubt he will even do that. Cut out some of the hassle and simply not have the money. Whether you do take it or not is up to you but he doesn't need to know.

I feel sorry for you and you nephew and your DD all for different reason. I have no sympathy for his silly parents.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

Sorry I meant I would take £175 max.

[Dubjackeen]

I feel sorry for him, if he has no friends, and is used to getting everything handed to him, life will bring many shocks, in my opinion. I don't think he will be transformed in a week, but I'd try to build in some eating out etc, for all three of you, using some of that money. I am surprised he agreed to going really, I think you mentioned that he doesn't enjoy staying with you? Anyway, it's your holiday and your daughter's holiday as well, so make sure to enjoy it. Hope the towels are dry. Best of luck.

[xylem8]

You invite someone on holiday because you want them to have a good time, not because you want to reform them

[SupermansBigRedPants]

Hope things go well for you this week :)

[TabithaStephens]

What his parents are doing is tantamount to child abuse IMO.

[fryingpantoface]

Have a great holiday anyway!

[greenhill]

Hope you have a good holiday.

[exoticfruits]

I am glad we never went to Haven- sounds like hell if you can't avoid arcades. If I invite someone in holiday ,xylem8, I expect to gave a good time. Spending money on junk - or being forced to stand around while a child did-wouldn't be a good time.
Explain at the start how you do holidays and that there won't be much opportunity to spend money.

[exoticfruits]

I would certainly use it to reform!
Anyway- hope it goes well. Please update later.

[xylem8]

a 12 yr old would surely go off on his own a bit

[exoticfruits]

When we has a 12 yr old, a 4yrold and a 2yr old we spent money on the eldest to do activities like climbing walls or canoeing- we didn't say 'here is £25 - go and play on the machines and get a burger for yourself'.

[parkin2010]

He sounds spoilt but at least they are offering you the money in anticipation of this, rather than expect you to pander to his every whim out of ur own pocket. In different company he will no doubt behave different, I am willing to bet they spoil themselves as adults so he will regard this as complete normality in their company. x

[WhistlingNun]

UPDATE

Well...

WE arrived at 5ish. I asked him to unpack, which he did without complaining. We had no food in yet, so I took them out for dinner.

He sat staring at the menu with his face tripping him. He asked "am I only allowed a main?"I said yes if he was wanting a dessert because the meals (he gets his off the adult menu) are huge.

He picks a chicken double decker thing. When it arrives, I ask him if its nice and he makes a face and says its ok.

Picking a dessert, he says "well theres only one thing I like so I suppose ill have to have that."

Dd was pestering me to take her dancing. Nephew wasnt appeased. I felt guilty so gave him a fiver and said right, im takung dd in to dance for two songs at the club (next door to restaurant), go and amuse yourself for 5-10 mins.

As soon as the money hit his hands, he ran to the nearest arcade and fired coins in. Just ad me and dd reached the door of the club, nephew shows up, arms crossed, and barks "what now?"

I tell him im going to dance with dd, hes welcome to join. He looked horrified at this suggestion, so I found him a table and said we would leave after 2 songs. After one song, I turn to check on him and hes sitting there as miserable as sin. I went and suggested he goes and explores the complex. He said no, not on his own. So I got dd, left with them to explore. He just stands and stares at some shooting game, so I say you can have another fiver and thats it. He huffs and says tgeres no point as that game just eats money and he'd need at least 40 to get a decent go of it.

I was swiftly getting ragey, so I took them to tge supermarket for caravqn food for the week, and brought them home. Although we stopped at the playpark on the way back, which just increased his huffs even though we were there for under 10 minutes.

Back at home, I sat with him through ths entertainment guide trying to pick activities for him. He didnt want to join the youth club. He didnt want to do swimming. He didnt want to do nloody anything! I then sat through it with dd and she picked the panto, roller disco, kids club etc.

So then nephew decided to pick wall climbing and archery etc.

THis is terrible. There are no activities we can all do together! Eg this morning theres a charaxter show dd wants to go to followed by kids club. Takes about 90 mins in total. Whats nephew going to do jn that time? Hes just going to sit there and moan and ruin it. I suggested he go and have a try of tge yough club while dds at kuds club but no.

[WhistlingNun]

Argh! Me eyes! Sorry for random change of tenses and minging spelling. Typing on my phone.

[JewelFairies]

You are a saint to keep patient this far. I feel sorry for him to some extent because it sounds like he's just had money thrown at him to keep him quiet and entertained. Can you go back to old fashioned games maybe and play cards or board games? Your dd is old enough for things like Ludo. Good luck!

[exoticfruits]

He sounds an unhappy child. The money is such a short fix. Even if you give him £50 to waste he isn't going to be any happier- it just buys you a little longer without him.
Can't you forget organised activities and all go swimming- have a long walk etc

[pictish]

Blimey! He sounds like a proper little toerag! I would hve no patience for this carry on at all!

Why did you offer to take him away in the first place? I just can't think of anything I would be less likely to do, than look after someone else's spoilt, ungracious brat for a week on my own...even if he WAS my nephew!

Your db and sil are creating a monster that is going to end up making some poor woman's life a misery. That sense of entitlement will stay with him into adulthood now, and already he is quite au fait with being rude, demanding, sulky, critical and arrogant. What a nice person he is.

Poor kid - his parents are failing him very badly.

I don't know what to advise you - I'd have ut him straight by now, and he'd not be speaking to me. Bliss.

[RedHelenB]

Can't you go to the beach? It does sound a bit boring for him tbh.

[mummytime]

Have a serious talk with him.
Make it clear, either he joins in and at least doesn't spoil it for you and DD, or you will not be doing anything he wants. You will only give he him money if he has behaved as a treat.
It might cause pain for a day or two but it is the only way to hope to survive.
I be ready to hand him back with a lot of money at the end of the week.

I am surprised he doesn't have some kind of electronic device he can occupy himself with while your DD is at the play park or soft play etc.

It can be hard for teens to join the youth clubs by themselves, but if they don't they need to do swimming or occupy themselves in other ways.

(Tomorrow you could work on please and thank yous.)

Good luck.