If you're aware your child is a spoiled brat - you should do something about it! AIBU?

[WhistlingNun]

I've just had the most frustrating conversation with my brother and Sil.

I'm taking my nephew - their 12yo son - away to a caravan holiday next week with me and 5yo dd.

Brother and SIL have just popped in for a quick visit, during which they tried to hand me £500! They said it was his spending money.

Then they tried to give my dd £300 and £100 for myself. I explained that no child would need that amount of spending money for a week at Haven. Most of the entertainment is included, but he might need a wee bit of spending money if he wanted to do extra activities such as climbing wall etc. But only £50 maximum.

I also said that i was only planning on eating out maybe 2 nights out of 7 (self catering) but i'm happy to cover the cost of his meals.

Well, they quite candidly said that my nephew is very fussy and would probably want a burger every night.

They said that i would find my hand constantly in my pocket to keep him happy.

He'd constantly be asking for money for the arcades.

He'll be moody and complaining if i don't give him money to occupy himself while i'm doing things with dd like the kids club.

He;ll be wanting drinks every two minutes.

I tried to assure them that i had a cheaper plan.

I'd buy him in nice quick foods or micro burgers to eat at the caravan. I didn't want my daughter eating out 7 nights and it wouldn't be fair to let him run into burger king every evening when my daughter's having to eat 'boring normal' food in the caravan.

They said he wouldn't put up with this and would go in a mood and probably not eat anything i made.

I said we can all spend a certain amount of time (maybe an hour) going around the arcades, and I'd ration him to £5-£10 per day.

They said he wouldn't be happy about this. He could quite easily spend an entire day at the arcades spending £100 each time. (They suggested i ration his arcade money to £25 a day).

I said he can take one of his portable computers to play (he has an ipad, psp, wiiU and a frigging 3DS) while i'm doing stuff with dd, rather than him doing something that costs money.

They said he gets fed up of his computers after 5 minutes so this wouldn't work.

I suggested i could buy a multipack of capri suns and take some out with me each evening for him rather than buy expensive drinks. They said he will prefer drinks that come fresh from the bar.

They were completely apologetic throughout all of this, stating they were fully aware he was a 'spoiled wee shit' as they so eloquently put it. My SIL says she's just spent over £600 on buying him new clothes for this holiday (almost twice the cost of the actual holiday!) and that she'd had to practically force him to murmur a thank you to her.

I was appalled. I said 'Well in future take him to the likes of Primark."

Then she looked appalled (snobby). "Oh no, he'd not have that. It's all got to be brand name with him."

It wasn't really my place to say, but i said it anyway. "If you want him to stop acting so precious, stop throwing money at him every two minutes."

They said they know it's their own fault, but he's gotten too used to it now, he doesn't know any different.

They left saying that if he plays up - which they anticipate - then they'll bring him home right away.

Now, i've had my nephew stay overnight before - so this week away is a big leap.

Yes, he is indeed a spoiled wee shit. But i don't stand for it when he;s here (which is probably why he hates staying with me!). E.g. the other week, i took him to the cinema and a cafe for a belated birthday treat.

Cost me a bloody fortune. Not one single thank you.

he complained the film was rubbish.

He choose the most expensive pizza on the menu (£20!) then decided he didn't like it. And went in a huff when i refused to buy him the second most expensive item on the menu. So he got landed with a basket of chips. Then all the way home he complained that his mum had bought him a crappy tablet instead of an ipad for his birthday. (They went out the next week and bought him an ipad - the tablet is now in the drawer).

I'm probably coming across as a total bitch here. But i just don't understand. If you know your child is a spoiled brat - why would you just put up with it? Why why why?

Anyway, i thanked them for the money, but handed them back the £400 they'd tried to give me and dd. I then reluctantly took the £500 for my nephew, but assured them he'd be coming home with a lot of change. The blimmin holiday only cost £400!

I love my nephew. I do. And i'm not dreading the week away with him. He'll be good company for me and dd. I'm sort of hoping to drum into him next week that it's possible to have fun without spending a heap of cash.

Wow what a rant! I started this at 4.30 - dinner's a-cinder!

[cumfy]

Just give Damien's DN's parents all the money back at the end.

Might Damien lose his phone at Haven ?

[raisah]

He will test you but make sure he knows that the boundary walls are about 50 feet high. His parents are turning him into a gambler at the age of 12 with his addictin for arcades. It seems that they are paying their way into an easy life, they may not have time to spend doing family things so buying stuff is the next best thing.

His parents could do with going on a parenting course but obviously it would be suicidal to suggest such a thing. They also could benefit from the CAB money management course. How on earth can they afford this level of spending? You should ask them if they are saving any money towarda his college fund, its £9000 tuition fees now but who knows how much it will cost in 8 years time. Its stupid how some parents will spend on holidays, treats etc but wont save anything for their childrens' future.

Your nephew needs a lesson in the value of money. There will come a time that he will not be able to afford all these luxuries & might regret the amount of money spent on rubbish.

[Gonnabmummy]

Give him as much as you think appropriate. If he questions where the rest is tell him you've treated his parents to a weekend away or bought them something nice as they deserve it spend all their money on him

[foslady]

Allow him to bring his I pad - you can use it to mn on.......

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

God they sound terrible.

But it easy to see what others are doing wrong and think 'snap out of it', whilst doing our own wrong things.

So YABU to try to change his parents. YANBU to insist: your holiday, your rules.

[exoticfruits]

Since you love your nephew, are not dreading the week and think he will be good company for you and DD - I wouldn't worry about it.
I would just explain at the start that your idea is to have a good time without spending money. He is probably a child who doesn't get a lot of time spent on him. You can have a lot of fun with the simple things like a game of cards in the evening. Fresh air and exercise do wonders. I wouldn't even set foot in arcades- just say that you don't do them- it is much easier to miss them out than limit time. He is bound to feel resentful if dragged away. If you are in a caravan he could do a lot of the cooking. Have they ever let him have a sharp knife and chop veg or boil liquids? He is an age where he could plan the meal and do it.
Scouts have a good time and they manage without spending any money.
See it as a challenge to have a great time but avoid places where you spend.

[exoticfruits]

If he gets bored after 5 mins on the computer options don't take any. Get a few books from the library. Anthony Horowitz got my reluctant reader DSs hooked.( just on his books but it was a start).

[xylem8]

did he actually want to come?i don't know what a 12 year ood would do at haven for a week with no money and just a five year old girl for company.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

Why wouldnt he want to go?My 12 yr old DS come on our family holidays. What should he do instead?

I hope you have a lovely holiday op. I imagine once he realises this is how things are with you, he will accept it.

[mrsjay]

why wouldnt a 12 yr old want to go on holiday he is getting money just the OP doesn't want him to spend 500 quid in the arcades

[TweedWasSoLastYear]

Hmm tricky .
You could try to use the week to hopefully educate him a little bit as to the value of money , what things cost etc but this could spectaculaly backfire and he turns into a spoiled little brat who spits constant derogeratory remarks in your direction

Does he know you have been given £500 spending money? Or just 'some' money ?

You could maybe given him £100 at the start and say its got to last a week . 5 days at £20 a day is not an insignificant amount to spend at 12 yo . Then when he has blown the lot on day 2 battle will probably commence.

For a quiter life and abit of a holiday you could try to tire him out with long days on the beach , bike rides ( if they do tag - a- longs for DD )
sign him up for footy or badminton . He will run out of energy eventually.
A walk down the beach is free , visits to local castles also great , keep the cinema for when its raining , and 10 pin bowling .

maybe forget his phone charger?

ps , never been on a Haven hol so not sure exactly whats included , but guessing its like Center Parks

[RedHelenB]

It is supposed to be fun on holiday - personally I would have taken the money offered & you could all have enjoyed it!!

[mrsjay]

you know what ID just let him strop and if he isnt behaving id leave him the caravan to strop about as long as you dont go off park he will be fine say me and DD are going swimming are you coming, NO fine then stay here, you are in charge of him for a week dont pander to him, I feel sorry for him actually throwing money at kids all the time doesn't make them happy they just want more and more

[jimijack]

Thing is if you feel this irritated by all of this beofre you go, what about when the week is done?
If it goes the way the parent are predicting, you and your dd are heading for misery and bad feeling and by the end of the week you are going to be even more annoyed.

Why do it to yourself?

I would seriously consider speaking again to the parents and explaining that you are unwilling to ruin your holiday for the sake of keeping one person out of 3 happy the whole time.

Sounds to me like they are trying to put you off anyway with what they have been saying.

[WhistlingNun]

Thanks for all your posts and advice and contributions.

He knows he's been given the £500.

I'm not comfortable with my dd seeing him getting treated like a little prince (being able to pop coins into arcades every few seconds, being able to trot off and buy burgers/pizzas/ice creams whenever he please, being able to go to the toy shop and buy whatever he wants) when she will be getting nowhere near the same level of treatment. It's not my place to withhold his money i've come to realise. So i think i'll sign him up for costly activities like climbing wall etc so that at least his money is going towards something decent. But there's no pigging way he'll spend £500 in a week at Haven. So he will be coming home with lots of change.

And i'll tell him that the second he moans about money, I WILL be withholding his cash for the day.

He'll be doing his share of chores around the caravan for the week, too, before he starts that rubbish.

The reason i didn't take the £400 they were offering me and dd is because i felt as if if i had, then it would be like i'm agreeing with the ridiculous £500 they'd given their son. Or it felt as if they were 'guilt paying' me. Or that they were looking down on me, thinking that i'd never be able to have a good holiday on my pitiful spending money alone over thinking things due to stress

I've been running around the house all morning like a blue arsed fly (as my good old mum used to say - no idea what it means though except STRESS!).

We are leaving today Saturday to Saturday - not Monday to Monday as i'd stupidly written down on my calendars. I've just located my confirmation letter in my drawer, thinking i'd pack it today to make an early start on things... thank god i had or we'd have missed out on two days of our hols.

Anyway, picking up M (nephew) at 3pm. So shall update later with how the first night's going. I think I'll be using this thread as my little space to rant for the week.

Me and dd are hurriedly packing. I've got a wash on with all our bath towels which i don't think will be dried in time.

Substitute for a face that depicts 'arrrrrrggggggggghhhhh! someone help me'

[mrsjay]

oh no enjoy your holiday you loon

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Say you have rethought the 400 and make sure your dd is treated as his equal.

[Thisisaeuphemism]

They are daft to give a twelve year old 500 pounds to spend at havens. They really are making it hard for you.
Hope it goes well.

[shewhowines]

I'd give him £25 per day and tell him that's it. If he wants to buy a burger later, then that's fine but it needs to come from that money.

Tell him you are doing it because its not fair on you daughter and keep saying that like broken record. Don't engage. Just say no to anything else.

It is a good lesson to learn to budget. Remind him at the start of each day, it needs to last.

If you give in even once, then he will make the holiday miserable because he knows that you will cave. Don't give in and after the first couple of days he should realise its pointless to carry on.

[InMySpareTime]

Aren't arcade games 18+ anyway? Surely gambling laws should prevent minors engaging in gambling, and it's not like he could pass for 18.
You could say you can't in all conscience collude in his breaking the law, so arcades are out.
I like the idea of him being able to choose whether to use his money for burgers or spends. That way it's his fault when he can't have dinner out, not yours.

[exoticfruits]

I would give him the money only if and when he needs it and then make sure he doesn't. I wouldn't go near an arcade- simply say that you don't do them.the weather looks like being good- that will help- stay outdoor and cheap.

[exoticfruits]

Maybe it is easier for me- we don't do burger and chips, arcades etc on holiday so any child coming with us would have to fit in.

[WhistlingNun]

Thanks everyone but the arcades are everywhere! to get to the clubs etc, you have to pass through the complex which is full of them - those shooting games, ones you put 2ps into, claw machines, more shooting games, ones where you win tickets. It will only be possible to avoid them as long as we stay in the caravan for the week.

I'm going to limit his money for those things. . I'm not going to say he can't go on them at all or there will be hell to pay. Maybe 30 mins a day while dd's at soft play or whatever.

Those towels better hurry and wash!

[mrsjay]

they have kids arcade games EVERYWHERE in Haven

[mrsjay]

Those towels better hurry and wash!

that really tickled me OH GOD IT IS TODAY NOT MONDAY poor you