If you're aware your child is a spoiled brat - you should do something about it! AIBU?

[WhistlingNun]

I've just had the most frustrating conversation with my brother and Sil.

I'm taking my nephew - their 12yo son - away to a caravan holiday next week with me and 5yo dd.

Brother and SIL have just popped in for a quick visit, during which they tried to hand me £500! They said it was his spending money.

Then they tried to give my dd £300 and £100 for myself. I explained that no child would need that amount of spending money for a week at Haven. Most of the entertainment is included, but he might need a wee bit of spending money if he wanted to do extra activities such as climbing wall etc. But only £50 maximum.

I also said that i was only planning on eating out maybe 2 nights out of 7 (self catering) but i'm happy to cover the cost of his meals.

Well, they quite candidly said that my nephew is very fussy and would probably want a burger every night.

They said that i would find my hand constantly in my pocket to keep him happy.

He'd constantly be asking for money for the arcades.

He'll be moody and complaining if i don't give him money to occupy himself while i'm doing things with dd like the kids club.

He;ll be wanting drinks every two minutes.

I tried to assure them that i had a cheaper plan.

I'd buy him in nice quick foods or micro burgers to eat at the caravan. I didn't want my daughter eating out 7 nights and it wouldn't be fair to let him run into burger king every evening when my daughter's having to eat 'boring normal' food in the caravan.

They said he wouldn't put up with this and would go in a mood and probably not eat anything i made.

I said we can all spend a certain amount of time (maybe an hour) going around the arcades, and I'd ration him to £5-£10 per day.

They said he wouldn't be happy about this. He could quite easily spend an entire day at the arcades spending £100 each time. (They suggested i ration his arcade money to £25 a day).

I said he can take one of his portable computers to play (he has an ipad, psp, wiiU and a frigging 3DS) while i'm doing stuff with dd, rather than him doing something that costs money.

They said he gets fed up of his computers after 5 minutes so this wouldn't work.

I suggested i could buy a multipack of capri suns and take some out with me each evening for him rather than buy expensive drinks. They said he will prefer drinks that come fresh from the bar.

They were completely apologetic throughout all of this, stating they were fully aware he was a 'spoiled wee shit' as they so eloquently put it. My SIL says she's just spent over £600 on buying him new clothes for this holiday (almost twice the cost of the actual holiday!) and that she'd had to practically force him to murmur a thank you to her.

I was appalled. I said 'Well in future take him to the likes of Primark."

Then she looked appalled (snobby). "Oh no, he'd not have that. It's all got to be brand name with him."

It wasn't really my place to say, but i said it anyway. "If you want him to stop acting so precious, stop throwing money at him every two minutes."

They said they know it's their own fault, but he's gotten too used to it now, he doesn't know any different.

They left saying that if he plays up - which they anticipate - then they'll bring him home right away.

Now, i've had my nephew stay overnight before - so this week away is a big leap.

Yes, he is indeed a spoiled wee shit. But i don't stand for it when he;s here (which is probably why he hates staying with me!). E.g. the other week, i took him to the cinema and a cafe for a belated birthday treat.

Cost me a bloody fortune. Not one single thank you.

he complained the film was rubbish.

He choose the most expensive pizza on the menu (£20!) then decided he didn't like it. And went in a huff when i refused to buy him the second most expensive item on the menu. So he got landed with a basket of chips. Then all the way home he complained that his mum had bought him a crappy tablet instead of an ipad for his birthday. (They went out the next week and bought him an ipad - the tablet is now in the drawer).

I'm probably coming across as a total bitch here. But i just don't understand. If you know your child is a spoiled brat - why would you just put up with it? Why why why?

Anyway, i thanked them for the money, but handed them back the £400 they'd tried to give me and dd. I then reluctantly took the £500 for my nephew, but assured them he'd be coming home with a lot of change. The blimmin holiday only cost £400!

I love my nephew. I do. And i'm not dreading the week away with him. He'll be good company for me and dd. I'm sort of hoping to drum into him next week that it's possible to have fun without spending a heap of cash.

Wow what a rant! I started this at 4.30 - dinner's a-cinder!

[Justforlaughs]

Visit the local tourist information centre (or look at the 1000s of leaflets in every Haven campsite) and ask him where he would like to go. Use some of his money to pay for a day out. Somewhere with lots of fairground rides that are free when you get inside! Many places offer a 2 day return as well. Hire bikes and go for a cycle round the local area. You can have a chat about what he would REALLY like to do. I doubt very much that he actually enjoys throwing money into a machine. Try crabbing or a fishing trip (my 12 and 13 yo love both). Find a local swimming pool with flumes. Enjoy yourself and try to relax.

[pictish]

I think the 11-16s are very hard to please. We are finding this with our 11 yr old ds1 this year...he complains of being bored on holiday these days.
It's no reason for rudeness though...and certainly is NOT to be rectified by £500 spending money, whereby he is given free reign to indulge himself completely in front of other children, like Prince fucking Golden Boy.

[pictish]

I agree with Mummytime btw.

Get. Him. Told.

[WhistlingNun]

Theres loads for him to do. Hes just being a big fuss pot.

Theres a huge three tier swimming centre, bowling, go carts, a farm park next door, wall climbing, youth club, loads of water sports, football, basketball, mini golf, fencing, archery, nature walks, the beach... he doesnt want to do a single thing!

Tried to play snap with them last night and he said it was for babies and he wanted to play switch instead. I said that's too hard for dd and he said well I suppose ill just sit here and watch then.


Argh! Theyre waking up just now so I think im going to sit them down at breakfast and have a firm chat with them both.

[pictish]

No...have a firm chat with him. Why are you dragging your dd into this to soften the blow? That's not fair!

Talk to him.

Btw - the holiday sounds amazing for him! My son would be itching to get in about all that!!

He sounds miserable. I agree with Exotic. However, he is not yours to fix, so it's about getting through the week. Tell him you are not interested in listening to, or looking at him moan. Tell him you consider it very rude of him.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I don't like this thread at all. Calling him a toe rag?!

I have very little patience for bad behaviour but I know of no boys of his age who would really enjoy dancing with his aunty and little cousin. It's just not cool -despite the onslaught of posts that will now ensue about how it's lots of DS' idea of great fun

Ditto the activities. Did you tell him he had to chose things your DD would like too or did you basically set him up to fail there? Why don't you sit him and your DD down and explain that they can chose one activity each and then work together to chose activities they both like and can do together. Be constructive.

Yes - he sounds spoiled re the money (although, as an other poster said up thread, I think his parents were trying to pay his way and give you and your DD a treat too) . Yes - he should certainly be making an effort to be polite and grateful. However, I strongly suspect he's getting a not very pleasant vibe that he's not very welcome. It's abundantly clear from your posts.

Rather than spoil your holiday, and cause further upset, I would call his parents and ask them to collect him. Boys his age don't tend to burst in to tears, crying that you don't want them there. Part of the issue is that he's clearly spoiled but I think he's acting out too.

[Sunhasgothishaton]

He sounds very much like my nephew was at that age - he told my sister that he didn't like me because I was the only person who ever said "No" to him.

Now at 18 he thinks I'm the coolest, best aunt that he could ever have - and guess what I still occassionally say "No" to his absurd requests.

[pictish]

What's so bad about calling him a toerag?
And have you seen the list of activities for him to do?
My son would politely sit through a couple of dances. More even. He's a very typical lad...but he has some manners, you know?

[wigglybeezer]

Don't give him open choices, give him a choice of two options and then stand your ground, no discussing/arguing. 12 is a difficult age for boys, too old for " playing" but too young to be amused by adult stuff for long, 12/13 was the worst age for ds1, attitude wise, he is much more flexible and agreeable now ( not all the time and worse n unfamiliar places).

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I've said he should be making an effort to be polite in my post. I've been quite clear on that

This is a child. He needs guidance. Not to be slagged off all over the Internet with increasingly hyped-up posts about his bad, bad behaviour.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

It seems like part of his problem is he won't go off by himself?

I wouldn't expect the two kids to share activities. But, he can stay and be unpleasant during hers.

He should wander around on his own. He can sulk about being bored or decide to amuse himself. His choice.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Can't stay and be unpleasant, I mean.

[Fluffycloudland77]

So he's going to grow up an entitled gambling addict? Marvellous job your sil and db are doing there.

You can't counteract 12 years of crap parenting in one week you know.

[pictish]

When I was 14, my mum took me and my bestie to France. It was an absolute disaster. She (bf) did nothing but complain the entire time. She was bored. Everything was crap. She couldn't be bothered. Nothing was good enough. She was rude to my mum, rude to our hosts, and she pretty much ruined our holiday. She was always a bossy, critical, beligerent person...but on that holiday we got to see just HOW.
The friendship of years fell apart on our return.

[pictish]

Toerag is hardly hyped up is it? Toerag is actually relatively mild, no?

[WhistlingNun]

No goblin there are limited activities we can do together as a family due to ages, so I had them both circle what they individually wanted to do in the entertainment guide, so we could schedule everything in so they take turns each. It was only when dd started circling like mad, that he decided to pick things.

I agree dancing is a horrible thing for him to have to endure, but couldnt he have grinned and bore (beared?) it for 2 songs to keep his cousin happy?

That's them up. Off to have "the talk".

[pictish]

You can't counteract 12 years of crap parenting in one week you know.

Absolutely. This is about boundaries and damage limitation for the week ahead.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I think it's far better to criticise the behaviour - not the child.

I don't tihink its appropriate or constructive to call him a toe rag and I don't like the OP's posts listing all of his terrible behaviour without actually attempting to address it. It seems that it's just grist to the mill for another post.

If he doesn't want to do anything, that's fine. Leave him in the caravan. That means it's actually easier to take DD to all of her activities. What's the big deal?

[pictish]

Jolly good for you. I, however, will express myself as I please thanks.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

So will I - and say I don't like it if I don't.

[NeedlesCuties]

I don't think the sulking is really the issue. I think all 12 year old boys sulk a bit, especially in unfamiliar places where they aren't really sure on the dynamics.

But.... I think the £500 spending money is outrageous. A huge huge amount for a child that age. That's not your fault, OP, but I wonder about your bro and sis-in-law.

Have you spoken to your DN about his parents, how they are at home? I don't mean a big heart-to-heart, but more informal than that, just to see what his life is like when he's at home.

Does he have any other role models in his life apart from his parents? Any other relations, church leaders, neighbours etc etc?

[pictish]

I do agree with you about leaving him in the caravan though!

That's what I'd do. Make him take responsibility for once.

Don't like anything? That's a shame - cheerio!

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Hurrah! We agree - pictish. Now hurry up and post something I can argue with you about

[halcyondays]

Well it's understandable that he's not going to want to do all the same things as op's dd. why doesn't he want to go off on his own?