to take my DS out of pre school because they say he is needs 'extra support'.

[Elvisina]

My 3 yr old DS has always been on the lively side! His idea of heaven is being allowed to just run through a park, woods or along a beach, preferably with some older children. He very rarely shows an interest in any kind of ?mark making? (despite our best efforts ? we have enough arts and crafts stuff in this house to start up our own nursery). He had been quite a few months behind with his speech but his language has recently taken off in a big way! A recent visit to a speech therapist reassured me he is/will be fine.
Anyway, this April he started at a local pre school for 2 and a half days a week. It?s a new pre school that is attached to a primary school which only opened 2 years ago. They?ve just received a very good Ofsted and the resources are great. I was so delighted to get him in there and he absolutely loves it, running into the playground each morning with a massive smile on his face. However, over the last few weeks, I?ve been feeling increasingly uneasy about how they think he?s doing. Whenever I made a friendly enquiry to his teacher I?ve had rather crisp, negative responses such as ?He doesn?t like joining in activities, especially if they?re led by an adult. He?s just not really ready? and ?I?m like a broken record having to tell him all the time to put his coat on?. Nothing positive (and I know I?m biased but he is damn cute!). Last week I decided to phone up for a chat about how he?s doing, basically expecting some reassurance along the lines of, ?he?s happy and friendly and we?re working on getting him to use his ?listening ears?? etc however it turned into a serious talk about how they have been preparing documentation to get him ?extra support? because he wants to play outside all the time and doesn?t want to join in the teacher led activities. Language such as ?he needs a different learning path? was used. Apparently he stood out from the other children who were all happy to listen to teacher led activities. I was devastated and I know it?s ridiculous but I cried! It really hurt that they felt he was so different from the others. I mentioned that I had noticed there were loads more girls than boys and she said she hadn?t noticed this as a particular issue but in his class picture on their website there are 9 girls and 3 boys!

My DH thinks we should just accept the extra help and not worry about it but I now feel as though perhaps this isn?t the place for my DS. I don?t even feel as though they like him very much. I took him out of a lovely, friendly nursery where they seemed to really ?get? him and like him to go to this new pre school. I?m now considering sending him back there. Thing is, he loves it and I could be doing him a disservice by not letting him have this ?extra support?. I honestly hadn?t realised that he would be required to take part in so many teacher led activities. I thought he got to play all day! What?s wrong with him wanting to play outside for 2 hours pretending to be a pirate? (I?m a teacher myself ? secondary ? so should have known better really). I keep looking at my wonderful boy who I honestly, honestly, honestly don?t think there is anything wrong with and feeling upset that they?ve made me feel as though he is somehow ?failing?/different. I?m going in next week to observe him and discuss his ?learning path? but actually I just feel like I want to remove him. Would that be ridiculously unreasonable of me? Am I just being too sensitive?

I genuinely don't know why a parent would refuse to accept support.

I have seen many children disadvantaged because their parents refused help.

I have seen many children disadvantaged because their additional needs weren't identified as early as they might have been.

I have never seen a child disadvantaged because they accepted support and ended up not really needing it.

For every story like that from Malcolm TuckersMum, there are a dozen more from people who struggled through school because their needs weren't identified or met. Accepting help that might be unnecessary is the least worst option I think.

It is depressing, and just shows what a stigma there still is towards SEN, and its mostly from the parents.

He might need extra help, or it might just be that he is in an environment that doesn't suit him.

The most worrying thing here is that the teacher/nursery only have negative things to say about him.

Ecactly im nitbloidy, if they dont fut into a certain mould there must be something wrong. I agree malcom, all op 3 year old ds not 13 wants to do is explore and find out abiut the world, he is not even in firmal education yet and dies not need to be until he is 5! Dd paed said to us a lit if development happens between the ages of 3-5, op ds is only 3.

A lot of development doh sorry. My friends ds sounds like op at 3, as well as not good concentration and disregard for authority in preschool, and a right temperoften biting at preschool. He noe is in year 1 and has matured iver the years and id going into year 2.he has realky settled down of his own accord

I am sure that opwill be open fir help if he id struggeling at school but at the moment she wants to see; she is an education prifessional herself

Ofsted has claimed that as many as 450,000 ?special needs? children are actually no different from other pupils. Many are simply underachieving because of a culture of low expectations, a report found.

From the article I linked above.

Shows that the 'stigma' is flourishing in schools as SN children are expected to perform poorly.

In my day 33 yeard ago playschool was just that for playing, now it seems chikdren are under gazr and scrutiny from an extremely early age.

That my dear is bullshit. Come back when you have experience of trying to get a child extra help.

I am glad dd got help earlier but her scenario was totally different ti op

My dd was totally dufferent to op ds. I am pretty confident dd paedritrician would agree with me.

It seems as though at the tender age of 3 they have hid whole academic future planned out by dtsting hes on a dufferent learning path. Wtf just becsusr he prefers to play outside abd wont join in sny adult activities. They said this about dd at 5 but she had a dx if asd with speech and lang dev delay, op isentunder any such yhings

Op ds has not been dx with anything and is not seeing any professionals

Please ignore the posts that say that 3 is early to be needing extra support. If the issue is just maturity, then he will grow out of that need, no harm done. All of the children are only 3, so not all have a problem with maturity and what is required of them, there.

If it turns out that there are underlying problems which make it harder for him to fit in and follow routines, then this is absolutely the right age to start recognising and tackling them. It's wonderful that the nursery are being proactive and identifying a need for support, rather than simply labelling him as naughty or shrugging their shoulders and pretending that everything is AOK.

Ourvyre what i find unsetteling id how they can make such sweeping sssumptions of op ds learning path so young! Sorry that is wrong!

A 3 year old who likes to play outside and doesn't like to put his coat on ( at 3 my DC weren't very good at putting their coats on, to be quite frank, I think they couldn't do it without help) with mother who is a teacher - and who doesn't think her child has any 'developmental difficulties' (all children develop at differently ).
Yet so many seem to be sure he needs professional help, akin, a shrink?!
Why?????

DS1 was on EYFS action and then EYFS action+ right form the start of nursery. For him, it was very right. It meant that he wasn't always outside playing with the sand in the freezing cold (and quiet), while the other children joined in with each other, inside. It meant that a few assistants got the time to get to know him really well and it was soon recognised that he was really rather bright and enjoyed making use of some resources from further up the school. It meant that he could play with the giant building blocks, safely, with other children, despite their presence being difficult for him.

And ultimately, it helped with identifying his needs when he was diagnosed with autism, at 3.5.

Exactly three, there does not seen to be any significant problems. With a bit of practice he will learn to put on his coat, mabey when he is Older his concentration will get better. Yes he might need a bit of help with this at school,but the school saying he's on a different learning path without any real evdence or dx is very worrying, frat I would be worried about the school and place him with his previous nursery

ThreeMusketeers, your language is extremely insulting to those of us who do have children with SN. We took DS1 to see his "shrink" yesterday. Get over it.

Mabey just a bit of extra work from the teachers can help him with this but a different learning pathway wtf!!!!!

no one said anything about a shrink. Op is a secondary school teacher; the nursery teachers have experience of children of this age . lots of children are lively, but the majority of them usually cooperate with school routines. I knew several children who went to a parent and toddler group with mine, most of them were lively, they would try to get out of the door, get at the fire extinguishers etc. but they went to nursery school and they all seemed to behave pretty well there, once I saw them all going on a walk around the school grounds with the teacher, behaving perfectly well. Most children this age seem to be far more cooperative when a teacher is getting them to put their coats on, sit to listen for a story, come inside etc.

I'm a secondary school teacher and know bog all about diagnosing nursery kids with SEN or identifying areas for development.

I know my DS, but preschool staff work with so many kids that they will definitely have a better idea of what is expected of a 3 year old than me. I could say 'oh but refusing to put your coat on is just what 3 year olds do' but with experience of dozens of 3 year olds, they might be able to spot the 3 year old that pisses around more than you would expect.

Op ds has not been dx with anything and is not seeing any professionals

Neither was my son at 3.

But age 3 is when they got the ball rolling.

This possible intervention for the OPs son doesn't mean he will be diagnosed with any SN, it just means that if there are any issues they will be picked up early which is better for him.

My son wasn't diagnosed until he was 8, so believe me, they will be in no rush to diagnose.

ThreeMusketeers you're coming across as incredibly ignorant, once would be forgivable, but you keep on going.

Do yourself a favour and just stop, read what those of us who know what we are talking about are saying. That is your learning objective for the day.

Amber dies not mean that op son has sn. It does not sound like they have much patience with op ds, in fact they sound negative, trying to write him off at an early age would be a dealbreaker sorry it would.