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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Wibu to breastfeed my friends baby?

303 replies

thepigflu · 01/07/2013 12:51

So he's been crying for 45 minutes, my friend has only been away for 2 and a half hours, she said she'd be about 3hours but she's not answering her phone. I've tried everything but he's so distressed, twisting his head around searching for a feed. I'm not sure how my friend would take it but I'm thinking I'll just feed him, is that wrong?

OP posts:
ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 01/07/2013 15:29

... and so it goes.

SoupDragon · 01/07/2013 15:31

Why can you not see that it would be pretty wierd to feed another persons baby with your breast milk?

Probably because not everyone shares your personal opinion.

kali110 · 01/07/2013 15:33

Dont do it.i would be horrified, purely because of health risks. Many diseases are symptomless and can be passed on! Also if he's allergic to anything or on medication you could pass it onto the baby.if your friend had said it was ok that would be between you two, but nobody just bf another persons baby without even asking!

StealthPolarBear · 01/07/2013 15:36

TBH if the OP is also exclusively bf a baby the choices may be feeding the child, water from a cup or a trip to the shops with one or two screaming babies for bottles, steriliser, formula....

LookMaw · 01/07/2013 15:36

I would have no problem at all if my friend BF DD in an emergency. And I would do the same for her. We've both donated milk so clearly have no infectious diseases.

Wouldn't find it weird at all. It takes a village and all that.

LayMizzRarb · 01/07/2013 15:41

This reply has been deleted

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ICBINEG · 01/07/2013 15:43

I am just wondering how the people who are saying no way imagine the conversation goes when they get back...

"hi friend, who I know BFs her own baby, WTAF do you mean you put your toxic infection laden milk into my PFB?!?!"

I mean is there a nice way to say "your milk is good enough for your poxy baby but not for my precious darling"?

The reason extra screening is in place at milk banks is that the milk from many mothers is mixed and given to many children. Any potential infection would be spread massively if not caught. The risk of giving something to a friends baby is exactly the same risk you take of giving it to your own.

There is no way I could look a friend in the eye and tell them their breast milk wasn't good enough for my baby.

Startail · 01/07/2013 15:47

I wouldn't have minded if someone else, I knew well, BF DD2 as she would absolutely not take a bottle of anything off anyone, including very skilled nurses.

I simply didn't leave her until she was 7 months old and would eat yoghurt and drink weak squash or juicr from a cup. (At 12 years old water and milk are still refused).

MonstersDontCry · 01/07/2013 15:51

I personally wouldn't mind but obviously your friend might. Keep ringing. She's an idiot for not leaving a bottle/staying out so long.

Oscalito · 01/07/2013 15:52

My friend breastfed my baby when I was stuck in a slow moving taxi. Came home and baby was sleeping peacefully. Thought it was rather generous of her, actually.

dyslexicdespot · 01/07/2013 15:56

Milk banks are incredibly important, however, it is equally important to make sure that people are fully aware of the lengths that the NHS goes to in order to ensure that donated milk is 'risk free'.

Having your breast milk accepted by a milk bank does not mean that you are necessarily HIV negative.

frissonpink · 01/07/2013 15:56

Yes! I would be horrified.

But oh my goodness, where on earth is the mother! Who leaves an expressly bf baby for that length of time without an update?

Give him some water, or some formula if you have some in the house. (presume you may do if you're able to bf too?)

I really really do not think it's ok to breastfeed someone else's baby without their express permission first. Unless you were stuck in the middle of a dessert, without water, and without formula!

5madthings · 01/07/2013 16:01

If it was my baby I would be happy for friend to bfeed it. But you really should have discussed what to do if baby was upset/needed to be fed. Did she not leave expressed milk or instructions on what to do?

ICBINEG · 01/07/2013 16:03

dyslexic I'm really not sure what point you are trying to make. My milk was rejected for banking because I had a blood transfusion post birth. This is a ludicrous reason to prevent me donating, and at no point did anyone even HINT that having had a transfusion was a reason to consider not BFing my own daughter.

If the risks of Bfing my own daughter are outweighed by the risk of FFing my own daughter then how can the tables suddenly be turned when it is someone else's child?

The two plausible reasons for checking donated milk for infection beyond the checks made for new mothers and their own children. One is that the milk goes to prem babies so even mild bacterial and viral infections that are nothing to normal baby need screening for. Secondly the milk is mixed to you are putting maybe 10-100s of babies at risk instead of one. Neither of these arguments pertains to the OP's case where only one baby is under consideration and that baby is not premature.

SHarri13 · 01/07/2013 16:04

Fine if your friend had agreed. Not fine if she didn't know anything about it.

Whilst I have no problem with it at all the child's mother really needs to know and be in agreement.

fuckwittery · 01/07/2013 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiotsNotDiets · 01/07/2013 16:17

I wouldn't have an issue with DD being fed by someone else (provided I knew them well, they did not have any transmittable diseases and there was no expressed milk of mine available), but I wouldn't feed someone else's baby without their permission. It's silly though, in a different culture they probably wouldn't bat an eyelid at this but Britain is so uptight about breastfeeding.

Is there not a shop nearby? Most sell formula, you ought to be able to buy one of those cartons of ready mixed stuff.

RobotBananas · 01/07/2013 16:17

I wonder if the OP is ever going to come back?

valiumredhead · 01/07/2013 16:29

I think its plain daft to bugger off for any length of time without leaving milk.

I do know woman who tried to feed her friend's baby as the baby was very distressed but she couldn't get let down. Friend was fine about it, they were very close so I presume she knew her well enough to know she'd be ok.

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 01/07/2013 16:50

Reminder about troll hunting

Buildershateme · 01/07/2013 16:56

I wish I had a friend who would have been willing to breastfeed my bottle refusing monster baby. I had to leave him once for a day with my sister - he drank nothing all day, no formula, no EBF, not even weak sweet tea (don't judge, it worked with DD). I would have fricking loved a co-feeding buddy.

Tailtwister · 01/07/2013 16:59

No, don't do it unless you have her permission.

LimitedEditionLady · 01/07/2013 17:01

Id freak if someone breastfed my child.im not going to explain myself its just not right

LimitedEditionLady · 01/07/2013 17:02

Dont they collect it in hospitals for premature babies?i think thats great though

Norem · 01/07/2013 17:04

I had to leave my bf ds at short notice to go to hospital when he was 3 months old. My friend was bf her dd and I did I've her permission to feed him if she needed to while I was away.
She is as close as a sister and I knew she didn't have HIV so why not.