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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable to be livid about this?

148 replies

Eliza22 · 30/06/2013 21:46

I'm divorced. Ds (ASD/OCD) goes to dad twice a month or, every other weekend. This weekend, he was allowed to sleep in a tent in the garden, by himself, whilst ex husband and partner slept in the house.

I'm so annoyed. Ds is high functioning, more Aspie but, with OCD, has massive anxiety issues. However, SD wanted to do it.

Was that a safe thing to do? He is described in his Statement as being " extremely vulnerable with very poor danger perception".

OP posts:
pictish · 30/06/2013 21:47

How old?

pictish · 30/06/2013 21:47

Was garden secure?

tapdancingelephant · 30/06/2013 21:47

How old is your ds?

Was he completely happy to do it, and was he able to come indoors if he wanted/needed to?

Is the garden secure?

titchy · 30/06/2013 21:48

How old is he? If he's 16 yabu. If he's 3 yanbu.

AgentProvocateur · 30/06/2013 21:48

Depends how old he is, and how secure the garden is. Your ex is his patent too, and has the right to make decisions about your DS - even ones you don't agree with.

Souredstones · 30/06/2013 21:48

How did he cope with it?

Are you possibly overly mothering him?

AgentProvocateur · 30/06/2013 21:48

Epic cross posting there!

Rowlers · 30/06/2013 21:49

Did he want to do it? Did he enjoy it? Was the garfen safe, enclosed? How old is DS?

Souredstones · 30/06/2013 21:49

I'm almost proud of that!

Fairyegg · 30/06/2013 21:49

I'm guessing he wouldn't of done it unless he wanted to? Depends on age, type of area, security of garden etc etc.

MrsLouisTheroux · 30/06/2013 21:51

How old?
6 YANBU
16 YABU

QOD · 30/06/2013 21:55

More info!

Original poster
Eliza22 · 30/06/2013 21:56

He's 12. Yes, he wanted to do it but then hes a typical boy....wants dad to be proud of him etc. he said he was a bit scared but wanted dad to be proud of him.

We're talking about a little boy, physically. He wears aged 9 to 10 clothes. He has little experience of ordinary social situations, having no peer group friendships and is therefore missing a massive opportunity to develope ways of relating to others. He is immensely socially awkward, he has Tourette's-style ticks and flicks and sticks out like a sore thumb. They live in a fairly quiet village, their house is enclosed but backs onto open land,farm land, I guess. I'm concerned that his dad put him into a seriously vulnerable situation. Many of us "know" our immediate neighbours but, how many of us really know the ins and outs of people who say, live 5 doors down?

I just think he is too little, despite his disability, to sleep alone in a garden tent, while the adult is not only in the house, but sleeps like the dead and their bedroom is on the front.

You know, if he was an average 12 and was with siblings or a couple of friends, I'd say Ok. But on his own? No.

Last year dad took him to Spain. Ds got up in the night and left the room. He tried to get back in but, the door had clicked shut. He was left outside shouting to his dad. A man came and took him to his room to help calm him Shock and eventually, the hotel management was involved. Sd's dad slept through it and the night reception staff had to use a master key, to open the door and wake the parent and his partner.

I rest my case.

OP posts:
wannabeawallaby · 30/06/2013 21:56

And...? Was he fine?

Are there a lot of abductors in the area?

Souredstones · 30/06/2013 21:58

How did he cope though.

Fairyegg · 30/06/2013 22:00

Yabu and need to start cutting the apron strings a bit. Instead you should be proud of him for coping.

libertine73 · 30/06/2013 22:00

I wouldn't be impressed either from what you say. nd could have got scared and not been Able to get back in.

did you let his dad know your not happy for it to happen again?

Original poster
Eliza22 · 30/06/2013 22:03

What a ridiculous question ... "Are there lots of abductors in the area?" How many of really know the people we live side by side with?

I'm not overprotective. He was fine. He may not have been and he doesn't have the skills an average 12 yr old might have in a potentially dangerous situation. His dad has him 4 nights a month. Why couldn't he and dad have camped together?

OP posts:
Inertia · 30/06/2013 22:06

I wouldn't have been happy at all, given your son's issues coupled with the fact that there had already been an incident of your son needing help during the night from outside people while his father slept.

His dad should have camped with him.

Rowlers · 30/06/2013 22:06

It's a tricky one. I can see both sides tbh. I prob would have slept in tent too if ds had really wanted the experience. Have you discussed it with your ex? I'm not sure I''d be livid.

pigletmania · 30/06/2013 22:07

For the record op I am going against te grain and say yanbu at all. Yes he is 12 but is possibly a few years behind developmentally, and te fact he as very little danger awareness makes him mre vulnerable than ain't child.

DespicableYou · 30/06/2013 22:10

YANBU, his Dad should have camped with him.

wannabeawallaby · 30/06/2013 22:11

It's not a ridiculous question. Do you have reason to believe there are dodgy folk near ex DP? Or are you scared because of something else? Or have you been reading too many tabloid newspapers? Because you've given no reason for us to think he was in any danger because of outside influences.

AmberLeaf · 30/06/2013 22:11

YANBU

I think people asking his age are missing the point that he is neurodevelopmentally behind due to his autism.

In this instance, you cant base your judgement on his chronological age.

Facebaffle · 30/06/2013 22:13

YANBU.

I wouldn't let any 12 year old sleep outside alone, even though my garden is totally secure.

His dad should have slept outside with him.