Am I unreasonable to be livid about this?

[Eliza22]

I'm divorced. Ds (ASD/OCD) goes to dad twice a month or, every other weekend. This weekend, he was allowed to sleep in a tent in the garden, by himself, whilst ex husband and partner slept in the house.

I'm so annoyed. Ds is high functioning, more Aspie but, with OCD, has massive anxiety issues. However, SD wanted to do it.

Was that a safe thing to do? He is described in his Statement as being " extremely vulnerable with very poor danger perception".

[OHforDUCKScake]

From your second post I think YANBU.

I would feel very uncomfortable that your exdh made that kind of decision.

[OHforDUCKScake]

"Have you been reading too many tabloid newspapers"

Are you serious?

Seriously?

Did you read anything about the sons developmental issues.

Have you read too many news papers for fucks sake.

[DespicableYou]

"are there a lot of abductors in the area" IS a ridiculous question.

Presumably to make light of the fact that the OP has mentioned that she doesn't really know the people who live nearby particularly well.

There's a contingent of posters on MN who want to screech that posters are seeing 'a peeeeedo on every corner'.

Most of us just ignore them.

[Fairyegg]

To me the point is he wanted to do it despite his disabilities. His father obviously assessed the risk as minimal. He was fine.

[OHforDUCKScake]

He didnt want to do it despite his disabilities though, he did it to impress his father. And his father should have seen that and reacted accordingly.

[pigletmania]

Totally agree Amber

[DespicableYou]

"To me the point is he wanted to do it despite his disabilities. His father obviously assessed the risk as minimal. He was fine."

His statement says that he is "extremely vulnerable with very poor danger perception".

My 3 year old would want to do it, too. Doesn't mean I'd let her.

[crumblepie]

id be annoyed as he has problems and was alone , be different if a few friends were with him , it couldnt of been much fun for him tbh.

[AmberLeaf]

My son wants to walk home alone from school despite his disability...he will still walk straight out into traffic though, so it isn't safe for him to do so.

If a child has little danger awareness, they need more care than the average NT child of that age [or whatever age]

Seems more luck than judgement that he was fine.

[ChippingInWiredOnCoffee]

Why are you posting?

[pigletmania]

Exactly Amber, people who are disagreeing with op are totally missingth point. He is more vulnerable and much more immature than the average nt child. I agree it's luck really that nothing happened. He did it to impress his father not because he really wanted to

[AmberLeaf]

Odd thing to say Chipping.

[piprabbit]

What would worry me most, is that his dad has a track record for not being reachable when the OPs DS finds himself in a situation beyond his comfort zone and ability to cope. So no, I don't think the dad was reasonable to expect this of his son.

[AmberLeaf]

Baffled at some of these replies. The OP was clear about her sons difficulties in her first post, yet they seem to have been over looked.

[AgentProvocateur]

The dad does not "have a track record of being unreachable" - he was asleep in a bedroom at night, and didn't wake up when his son left the room. That's completely different to not being reachable!

The bottom line is the dad assessed a situation and made a decision for his DS. Whether that's the same decision the OP would have made is irrelevant. It wasn't hers to make on that particular evening.

[pigletmania]

Yes op ds has sn opwill worry more tan th average nt child

[pigletmania]

Agent fpdoes not mean op has to agree and be happy with it!

[budgieshell]

I recently camped out with my children ( one with physical difficulties).
Had to go back to the house for more bedding and two toilet trips. Lighting the torch and getting the zip open isn't the easiest in the middle of the night. Explaining the noises of cats making babies. All in all I would say your son did very well to cope on his own and I think your right to be worried about your ex's judgement. The only problem is there is not a lot you can do about his decisions about his son when your not there.

[cornyblend37]

his dad should have camped with him
YANBU

[AgentProvocateur]

No, that's very true. And it's fine to come on here and vent, and OP INBU to be livid, but would BU to go apeshit at her ex.

But she doesn't say that she intended to bring it up with her ex - I just didn't read her posts properly, and made an assumption.

[Thingiebob]

Yanbu.

I would be furious and concerned that dad doesn't comprehend his son's needs.

[piprabbit]

So if the DS had a problem, would his dad have woken to help him (he didn't wake in the hotel)? Or would DS have been left in a garden, in the dark, trying to cope?

[candyandyoga]

Yanbu at all and there are lots of silly posts here

[dontgowadingin]

Yanbu .
I would have seen my arse. The father should have bloody well camped with him!

People completely ignoring missing the point that he was SN, 12 and alone. Would they let their 12 year old stay in the house alone over night? Never mind out side !

Why do some posters still insist on pretending that people /children wont and dont come to harm when not properly supervised! Jesus head in sand or what!!

[Eliza22]

Ok. First of all, I didn't have an argument with ex. I praiised ds for being brave but said that at home, he would be accompanied. I told him that I was not happy with dad because he could have made it more "fun" if they're camped together (and dad is the adult).

Am I over reacting and "seeing a paedo on every corner"? No. But then.... Madeleine McCann, Avril Jones and little Sophie Hook, the little girl who wanted to sleep in a tent in the garden. She was taken in the night, raped and murdered. These terrible things happen. They're NOT everyday occurrences and we all think "it couldn't happen to me". It's not that I mistrust everyone but really, can we all say we know our neighbours, the visitors they have, the comings and goings?. No. We cannot assume anything. I personally would not let an average 12 yr old sleep alone. Good point whoever made the point, about not allowing your child to sleep alone in a house which presumably has a lock on the door.

My ex has issues around ds and his condition. He refused for a long time to "believe" and it wasn't until he was written to by the consultant paediatrician to basically say, come and see me and I will educate you as to your son's lifelong condition. Up to that point, ex had never attended any appointments and as I say, left a few weeks after diagnosis.

Why am I posting? Because I wanted to get some comp,entry unbiased opinions on whether I was right to think his dad had, once again, failed to take reasonable steps to keep ds safe. A couple of years ago, ex and his partner took ds camping. Ds was REALLY excited to go. It all went belly up and it was the trauma that kick started his massive anxiety and OCD (not my opinion, the Psychiatrist's opinion). What had happened? Ex and partner slept in the big tent and ds then 9 or 10 had to sleep alone in a tent, next to his dad. Apparently, ds was scared and was asking to come in with dad. Dad said no and fixed the zip so that ds couldn't keep attempting to climb out and get in with dad. I told ex that unless he could take better, more responsible care of ds, I would seek legal advice about restricted (safe) access.

Thank you for the replies.