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AIBU?

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Original poster

Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

347 replies

Beatrixpotty · 29/06/2013 13:30

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

OP posts:
Tabliope · 30/06/2013 11:18

everlong, it wasn't the child's place to apologise. He's little more than a baby. The OP should have done it, which she now says she did but didn't put that in the OP. The man did overeact but if he was at the front of the queue about to pick his coffee up he might have had a shock thinking about the repercussions of a young child underfoot when he hadn't seen him - who knows. The OP was more unreasonable than the man.

edam · 30/06/2013 11:19

The child did something that annoyed the man. The OP and the staff sorted it out and the child apologised. Man was grumpy and ungracious - hey ho, not the ideal response but people are allowed to be grumpy and the child will encounter grumpy adults.

What OP did wrong was to carry it on. Should have left it at apology.

everlong · 30/06/2013 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 30/06/2013 11:22

She could have apologised herself instead of expecting him to engage with a 3 yo. She could have sorted out the replacement croissant herself instead of making him deal with it. She could have left him alone after bothering him twice already.

TartinaTiara · 30/06/2013 11:24

Cheers Moley. Am not a big fan of telling people how to parent - I think mostly what you need with small children is somebody saying "OK, where are you sitting, I'll carry the tray over for you" or whatever. I think a lot of the stress (and from that, anger, to misquote Yoda) comes from mothers (and it is mostly mothers who get judged, sadly) expecting to be constantly criticised. And a lot of "loud parenting" can be laid at the same door as well. Trying to prove to others that you've got it under control, when in any sane society others would really be pitching in a bit.

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2013 11:24

I wonder why people came to the conclusion that the man was old? Hmm

My favourite bit on this thread was when someone described the man as "waspish" Grin

I'd forgotten that word and its fabulous.

NicknameIncomplete · 30/06/2013 17:06

I have re-read the OP and i have no idea what the man did that was so rude and wrong.

OwlinaTree · 30/06/2013 17:56

croissant man didn't accept the 3 year old's apology, which enraged the mother.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/06/2013 17:59

I'm not really sure what the man was meant to say when the child apologised to him. He clearly didn't think it was ok and clearly didn't think it was actually the child's fault,hence the comment to the mum. It's not as though he shouted at the little boy. It sounds very much as though he was narked that the mum wasn't controlling her child.

I still think OP was significantly more unreasonable than he was. Confronting him after he'd sat down to eat was actually quite aggressive as well as being over the top bonkers in comparison to the earlier exchange.

Tryharder · 30/06/2013 18:11

I'm staggered at the amount of people on this thread who presumably are parents themselves and yet would be disgusted at the prospect of a random small child poking their croissant.

I mean, seriously? Do you imagine that no-one in the back kitchen at the cafe has touched it?

The man was rude. He got a new croissant and should have accepted the apology graciously.

Mintyy · 30/06/2013 18:16

"I'm not really sure what the man was meant to say when the child apologised to him."

Really? you are not sure what to say to a small child when they apologise to you?

Let's try this one on for size:

"Thank you for saying sorry"

There are two questions on this thread:

Should man have accepted an apology from a 3 year old?: YES

Was op a tad unreasonable to take it further with him: YES but understandably so.

garlicnutty · 30/06/2013 18:22

Sure I'd say that, Mintyy, but I'm soppy. "Thank you for saying sorry" is a parental thing to say. It seems safe to assume the man wasn't in a mood to help parent other people's children.

Mabelface · 30/06/2013 18:41

I'm with the man. I don't want some random child's grubby fingers poking my food.

TiggyD · 30/06/2013 18:45

I wonder if the cafe still sold the fingered croissant?

Cravey · 30/06/2013 19:05

Yabu. You could say sorry all you liked to me I would be fuming if some strange child came along and touched my food. You really should control said child. No excuses really.

Scholes34 · 30/06/2013 19:06

Having been in the position of having a three year old, a two year old and a baby, I doubt I would have found myself in a cafe on my own anywhere. The problem when you're so into a baby/toddler stage in your life, you can quickly forget that a lot of people around you aren't and certainly are not so tolerant of your children. I remember my DD throwing up in the reception area of a hairdressers, and I said to the poor receptionist starting to clear it up that it was okay because it was only bread and strawberries and she'd only just eaten it. What I was trying to say was that at least it wasn't anything very ghastly that had been in her stomach for ages, and therefore almost looked and smelt the same as when it had been eaten, ie just some bread and strawberries in a little pile on the floor. The receptionist gave me a strange look (and now, looking back, I very clearly see why).

If my three year old neice came and prodded my croissant, I'd laugh it off and eat it. If a stranger's child came and did the same, I would be rather taken aback and would wonder whether its parent/carer was. If I was a grumpy old man, I doubt I'd see the lighter side of this, more so if the mother came to reprimand me. I'd rather she kept her reprimanding for her child.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/06/2013 19:06

Mintyy

I meant not sure what he was meant to say given he was still clearly irritated.

He was definitely rude,I can't imagine doing the same thing myself. I don't agree that it was understandable that the OP took it further though. So he didn't accept the apology? And? Random stranger is rude shock?

If he'd shouted at the little boy then I'd have been all for the OP saying something further. As it is,he didn't. So it's not understandable at all it's unnecessarily confrontational and aggressive.

If we accosted every person who didn't react in the well mannered way we wanted them to nobody would ever get anything done.

NicknameIncomplete · 30/06/2013 23:14

I wouldnt have accepted the 3 yr olds apology either. Id have expected an apology from the mum as the child probably didnt know any better. The OP was the one not watching her child.

I would have been horrified if my child touched someone elses food.

Mintyy · 30/06/2013 23:17

It was NOT the 3 year old's fault that the adult in charge did not apologise, so to not accept an apology from the 3 year old is just plain mean and spiteful.

garlicnutty · 30/06/2013 23:30

"Mean", yes, but you're still expecting the bloke to be 'parental' towards the child when there's no reason why he should. He's out for a grown-up breakfast by himself, not a muck-n with random toddlers!

The child's apology doesn't mean anything in an adult sense. There must be a three-year-old, somewhere, who would go "I'm terribly sorry, how clumsy of me! Let me pay for that one. Miss, could we get a fresh croissant for the gentleman please?"

But that three-year-old wouldn't have poked the other man's croissant in the first place, would he Wink

AquaBoo · 30/06/2013 23:41

I'm surprised at what a hard time the OP has had here. I think she did very well and the man was rude. It annoys me a bit that we are supposed to be so accommodating and forgiving towards people who can't tolerate small children doing what small children do.

garlicnutty · 30/06/2013 23:46

Boo, why should people tolerate small children buggering things up when in adult environments? Interacting with children is a choice, unless you're their carer. Why should a grown-up, choosing to do a grown-up thing, have interactions with other people's children forced upon him?

Lweji · 30/06/2013 23:52

So, a cafee at a supermarket is adult only environment?

They are little children. They are learning.

Why do we have to sanitise our environment from children?

libertine73 · 30/06/2013 23:58

Yes, you really should have left him alone after the till.

I hope your child learnt people don't like having their food touched?

ilovesooty · 01/07/2013 00:22

Even if we accept that small children are naturally curious the man wasn't under any obligation to have his space invaded and accept involvement in parenting the OP 's child. She should have apologised, offered to replace the croissant and then left the man in peace.