Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

[Beatrixpotty]

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

Following him and telling him off or not graciously accepting an apology was batshit overkill.

You apologised. He was curmudgeonly. Just leave it.

Yes ever long, a non issue.

Until the op made it an issue.

everlong the issue was solved until the OP went back for a pop at him!

Yabvu. How embarrassing.

No, I don't agree that it's reasonable to tell someone to keep their kids under control after said child has been scolded and then both child and parent have apologised.

But really - nobody is obliged to be ok with your children, nobody.

It is nice when people like your children, are tolerant or kind but it is not the law.
To me my dc are the best dc ever made, bar none. I would go to the ends of the Earth for them and am staggered daily by their wonderfulness - but it really does not escape me that most other people really, really don't give a shit about them. Honestly they don't, it's lovely if they are interested but your children are wonderful to a very limited pool of people.

We are often lucky in this country that we are met with tolerance when we fuck up a bit. Some countries are friendlier, some less so. But although a kind word is often the response it shouldn't be expected that others will put up with inconvenience because you have your hands full.

Icantstopeating - you have no idea what this man's deal was. None at all. I got a mouthful of abuse from the type of parent you sound - I asked if they could please take their child back to their table. We had been expected to put up with a toddler screaming around the table, trying to eat our food and generally being a nuisance. We were in a supermarket cafe around the corner from the hospital in which we had just lost our child. Usually 'other people's children' tolerant we were not in a place to deal with it. It shouldn't have happened - this shouldn't have happened.
No one owes you a gracious acceptance of your mistake.

Also if I'm paying £15/hour for my lot to be looked after so we can have a meal out together then you can get fucked if you think I want to deal with your kids too.

Agree with fluffyraggies above, you should have apologised to him not your DS. Your DS had annoyed him once so you sent him over again to apologise, risking annoying the man again (not everyone likes kids or wants to be bothered with them or engage with them). Your automatic response should have been to apologise to the man and not bothered him again but you didn't - you sent your DS and then you went over! He probably wanted a quiet half hour with a coffee and croissant. I don't think little kids that age should be left to wander in a cafe. I would make sure they were in a chair and if they moved then we leave.

What Pagwatch said ^.

Firstly I hate Sainsburys as they said I wasn't allowed to feed my baby in their café.

YANBU

The man got a new croissant. Even if he stropped because he thought he wouldn't get one he did not have to go on and should have accepted your son's apology. He is only 3 ffs (I know you know that ).

You did the right thing going over to him. People being rude and shitty to kids need telling.

People being rude and shitty to kids need telling.

But parents demonstrating rude and shitty behaviour to their children is ok?

But my food problems are not a non issue ever long hence the meltdown, no one knows this guys deal. It was done and dusted till she eent over.

Yes needaholidaynow, I would also hazard a guess that many of those same people will in years to come complain about 'kids having no respect' for them, and fail to make the connection.

The person who "went on" about it was the OP by going over to his table. If anyone "needed telling", she did.

I didn't think she was rude and shitty.

Totallybursar, so from one comment you've decided what sort of parent I am? Very strange and very presumptuous!
All children make mistakes and notice the word 'children'....adults should know better and act better! I would definately have words with my children if they did what op's child did (as she did!) but its not the end of the world seriously. I've had bad days believe me but I would not take my problems out on a child, simple as that.

How is going over to someones table to continue a pointless argument not being rude and shitty?

In my view she was extremely rude to accost him at his table.

he hit the nail on the head with
"control your children"
nerve touched (quite rightly) OP went on the defensive and escalated the situation.
What if he had touched/pulled over a pot of tea on to himself??

I think that most of what happened was a storm in a teacup. The only really unreasonable behaviour was the OP following him to his table to continue the drama. I would have found that aggressive and rather intimidating.

Yes, the OP made the whole episode so much worse by berating the man, who was entitled to want to have his breakfast in peace.