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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man in Sainsbury's cafe-was I out of order?

347 replies

Beatrixpotty · 29/06/2013 13:30

Took 3 DCs (2,3 & baby) on my own to Sainsburys,3 year old was hungry after swimming so decided to go to cafe first.
Was getting the lunch when 3yr old DS went to man in queue with a croissant on his tray and pointed to it & toched it saying "I want one of those."Big fuss,man said don't want that,boy touched it etc,lady on till sympathetic and said of course,no problem,I'll get another one etc.

Meanwhile I was furious with DS,he knows not to touch in cafes & shops,and I td him off,made him come and stand with me,hold my hand(which he hates) and wait quietly.I also made him go and apologise to the man,which he did.
The man did not even acknowledge him though and said loudly to me "Just control your children!"
I was very offended.I was upset he had not accepted the apology from DS.He was none the worse off as he had a new croissant.
The cashier said to me "Sorry about that rude man" afterwards and I said "Don't worry,I'm going to say something."
So once my DCs were nicely sitting down I went over and said "Excuse me,no need to be so rude,my son apologised,he's only 3 and I had already told him off." He then said "Well it's not very nice for someone to touch your breakfast."
I then said something about don't criticise me and I think you were unnecessarily rude" and walked off.
We then continued eating ours co,the DCs were well behaved,that was the end.
I know I was angry and maybe acted impulsively confronting him and an now wondering if I was out of order?I'm prepared to be told I was,I'm not expecting everyone to agree with me as I can see it from both sides but after what the cashier said I felt maybe he was unnecessarily rude to me?

OP posts:
ninah · 29/06/2013 21:26

yabu - don't blame the bloke for being irritated

ilovesooty · 29/06/2013 21:31

pompeii, where does it say the man was old?

I agree that the aggressive behaviour came from the OP in pursuing the point by disturbing his meal.

pompeii · 29/06/2013 21:37

Old is a relative term, and his age isn't really relevant. I accept my usage of it was superfluous, however.

needaholidaynow · 29/06/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 29/06/2013 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humdumaggapang · 29/06/2013 21:43

Jesus wept do people really get agitated about a child prodding their food? I am sure I wouldn't give a flying fook . The man was a pompous git.

thepixiefrog · 29/06/2013 21:43

YY Needaholiday!

garlicnutty · 29/06/2013 21:44

The child wasn't at fault - he is 3! His mother is.

Yes, this is it. I've been putting myself in the customer's shoes.

If your child invades my space/breakfast/life, am I to suppose he is fully aware of the implications and respond as I would to a grown man doing the same? No. Therefore, I'm accepting that you - his responsible adult - are to blame for the insult. You should apologise.

By sending your child to apologise, you're giving him the responsibility. Which is very nice for his upbringing, but you're not my mother and I want an apology from the person at fault: you.

By insisting I should play nice with your little one, you're now demanding that I take part in raising your child! Well, excuse me, you've already invaded my space and refused to woman up & take the blame. Now you're launching a second invasion and telling me help raise your child? Well, you can fuck off.

... As it happens, I would have played nice, but I'm a soppy old woman. I feel the chap was utterly within his rights, if none too charming, and you overstepped your mark big time, OP.

ninah · 29/06/2013 21:45

no he's not
3 year old ambles up prods your food
a bit of loud parenting and you have the kid in your face again
then you have the mother, all righteously indignant
I agree with him, control your dc in the first place

ninah · 29/06/2013 21:46

that was to needs
I agree with garlic

ShellyBoobs · 29/06/2013 21:47

it's rude to keep banging on about something once you've received an apology.

WTAF?

The poor bloke didn't keep banging on about anything; he was followed to his seat by some woman who wanted to start an argument with him.

Lazyjaney · 29/06/2013 21:51

Bloke was completely in the right. OP just got miffed and over reacted.

Burmillababe · 29/06/2013 21:52

I was in a supermarket once when a young child ran into my leg - I had recently injured it so it was incredibly painful - the mother half heartedly apologised while laughing - I wasn't going to make a scene so I walked away without reacting to her. Her partner then proceeded to follow me, shouting at me calling me a miserable bitch - so YWBU. Tbh, I am funny about people touching food too so I wouldn't have been amused, and even less so after you went back over there.

ilovesooty · 29/06/2013 21:53

If the mother had done the apologising in the first place I think it would have been better all round - she was the one at fault. I agree with garlic too.

ninah · 29/06/2013 21:54

am wondering how op managed to leave a baby plus a 2 and 3 year old at table while she went over to pursue spat

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/06/2013 22:00

need

I think describing the mans behaviour as despicable is a bit over the top. Rude certainly,despicable no.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 29/06/2013 22:05

I agree with garlic too.

You shouldn't force strangers who you have already pissed off into unsolicited interactions with toddlers. I hate being in those awkward circumstances where you have to wait nicely so a mother can coax or berate an apology out of a small child. You don't apologise for disturbing someone by disturbing them again. You just say sorry let me get you another croissant

The man could have been more gracious but he wasn't.

Technotropic · 30/06/2013 01:04

That bloke was a bit grumpy. However;

Last year, on our hols, we were eating breakfast in a hotel in France. It was one of those buffet style breakfasts were you help yourself to everything (yes we're that classy lol). As it was quite busy the only remaining tables were where the food was all laid out.

As we were sat down eating another English family walked in and got themselves organised. One by one they started to walk to get some food, the young boy trailing behind (about 5-6 years old). As he approached the croissants we looked in horror as he put his hand right down his pants and started scratching his arse quite vigorously. I'm not sure what the problem was (worms perhaps) but he was having a jolly good rummage round. He then proceeded to finger all the croissants until he came across one that he fancied for his breakfast.

Since then I've had a slight aversion to other people's kids touching my food.

Just saying.

MidniteScribbler · 30/06/2013 01:20

I think the mothers reaction was probably what kicked all of this off in the first place. "Hey! get your finger out of my croisssant!" Mother says "Oh my gosh, I'm really so very sorry! Please, let me replace that for you" and pays for new croissant. Takes child over to her own table, sits them down and tells them why they were in the wrong. Issue over.

Instead, man had to ask the waitress for a new croissant, which OP didn't seem inclined to be willing replace at all, presumably didn't pay for the new fingered croissant (did it go back in the bread basket?), loud parented her child while all the man wants to do is get his breakfast and sit down. Then the poor man, who is still trying to sit and eat his unfingered croissant in peace is being harassed by said toddler trying to mutter an apology which he doesn't have any real understanding of because mummy wants to try and make a point. He's then expected to gush over the little darling and provide soothing words. All the while, he's mentally fuming over the only ten peaceful minutes he was going to get to read the paper this morning being wasted dealing with a parent who can't manage her children and thinks that she needs to keep intruding on him and try and include him in her parenting. And you wonder why he was pissed off?

foodaholic · 30/06/2013 01:35

You were completely in the right. This guy was an ignoramus & deserved your wrath!

MyShoofly · 30/06/2013 02:44

frankly I think you handled it fine OP. I probably wouldn't have gone up to him, but likely would have briefly said similar in line. he was rude and OTT - why not call him up on it?

LessMissAbs · 30/06/2013 03:14

How many times did you have to interior that poor man's breakfast? 3 times!

Why not simply have apologised yourself, and meant it, and left him alone?

People are allowed to dislike children touching his food. He may well have had medical or mh reasons for reacting the way he did. Such as AS.That's what I would have assumed.

Just how slighted can your 3 year old have been for you to react in this way?

LessMissAbs · 30/06/2013 03:16

*interrupt

OwlinaTree · 30/06/2013 05:58

I don't think croissant man reacted that badly, some people seem to think he was really nasty, but it doesn't come across that way from the op. His comment - control your children - is not nice to hear, but in this case was valid imho.

Did you pay for the croissant? i can't work it out from what is on here.

I also quite want a croissant now.

HollyBerryBush · 30/06/2013 06:23

You learn to pick your battles. Frankly fishwifing it in Sainsburys with children in tow is not a battle I would choose.

Frankly, 3yos are minging little creatures (I've had 3 of them) fingers up noses, up backsides, picking up crap from the floor - no I wouldn't want my food prodded by one either.

As ever these incidents are a very small snapshot of someones life. You have no idea whether the mans dog was run over that morning, his wife died, whether he has some form of OCD or whether he's just plain grumpy.

But a lesson to be learned, don't let your child wander round shops and cafes being a royal PITA to other people.