to not want neice to stay at ours

[ReflectingKites]

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

No op yet! Hmmm!

Yanbu at all, the Souter should have planned better. Yanbu too as you don't drive and it will tk longer than a car to get there. Yabvu about our weekend, helping once in. While wont het, you never know when you might need help!

It's amazing how much hate women get for daring to be childless and confess to not liking a child.
Not all children are likeable, just as not all adults are.

candy read her post she said would be tomorrow for update

butterfly I find anyone who dares to deviate from the MN hallowed idea of right is flamed.

These are the types of MN threads I hate.

The OP expresses a dislike of a child and all of a sudden is mean and selfish.

It might be selfish to not want to give up her Friday night and Saturday to look after a child she doesn't like, but then again, it might be selfish for the child's MOTHER to say she doesn't want to take unpaid leave to pick her up.

There are children I don't especially like, but (and herein lies the kicker) I have my own children and I expect not every adult to be equally as in love with them as I am.

OP, YANBU. You don't want to do it, so don't do it. It's not your responsibility.

It's a bit late, sorry if that makes no sense.

I think you do for family because family is the most important thing.

You don't want to and that is sad but if you ever expect to want to have children you may need some favours returned!

Oh, and no, I wouldn't ask someone to make the 40 mile round trip to collect DSS on public transport on a Friday night because I didn't want to take unpaid leave. (Which is what we have to do every other weekend. Luckily his mum does the Friday trip and we do Sunday.)

Family or not, they have their own things to do, and unless it was an emergency it's just not fair

'A favour' would be collecting her from school down the road or looking after her until mum could collect her after work.

What she is asking is taking the piss!

To me the most unreasonable person here is your DH. He should have an opinion and decide himself and do it himself. You don't need both of you to go and pick her up fgs, one person -her uncle- is enough! Then once at home put a supermarket pizza in the oven,watch some tv and then i imagine she will be very tired and sleep.

Sorry but i don'tunderstand why women decide about dps family relationships.( I am a bit bias because my brother is totally spineless).

Regarding the trip your dp could ask his sister for suggestions. If he finds a solution (i.e. a lift, taxi paid by sil, train) then its his decision to make.

If dsisil doesn't want to get to yours until Saturday afternoon then I reckon it's nothing to do with holidays and hours - I reckon she's got someone something lined up for the evening and doesn't want dneice around...

Otherwise she'd be able to get to you in the evening or early the next day. Just out of interest - how far away is she from you and from the camp?

Op - yanbu - sil really hasn't thought through the practicalities of you as a non- driver getting to the camp. Would you - well dh - have to leave work early to get to do the pick up in time? And would your dh do it by himself? Definitely don't think you Abu to say that you're not prepared to leave work early or take holidays in order to do this because if sil isn't then why the he'll should you?

Find out the cost and timings of the trip on public transport and taxi so your dp can talk to his sis and say it's going to take xx hours and cost £yy, it's just not going to work. Also would dsisil mind I'd you weren't there or is she expecting both of you to do it?

I'd say no, you don't drive and don't want to go that far on friday night on train/bus. Doesn't matter if you like the child or mother, you don't want to do it, don't do it.
It does sound like she has a night out planned Friday night and is trying to fob off the poor kid on you.

I don't think this has anything to do with transport. I think even if the niece were staying next door the OP still wouldn't want to have anything to do with her.

singingsands - but the op does not live in leeds she lives 30 miles away.i live in north yorks a similar didtance from leeds and the trip into leeds would entail a mile and a half walk to the bus stop alomg a road with no footpsth and then a 4 hour round trip assuming the venue was even on the bus route, otherwise even longer

YANBU about the transport part but your general attitude stinks IMO. Its not such a horrible thing to help out family now and again.

I'm inclined to agree with MidnightScribbler

I tHink the logistics sound a bloody nightmare, but it would be nice if you could improve your relationship with your DN, what is it you don't like about her?

I do think your sil is taking the piss a bit though, and I don't think you're selfish for wanting your weekend to yourself.

feel sorry for the kid tbh, she's going to be exhausted

Op whether you like your niece or not is irrelevant. And I think you would perhaps have got better replies for leaving it out as people have chosen to make you the evil aunt based on that. You might not be a 'child' person and that's fine. I've got an auntie who tolerated us and her great-nieces/nephews while babies. But as soon as walking and talking began, she made it quite clear she didn't want to be involved. Tbh I don't think she's a people person full stop but I digress.

You are being asked to pick up a child on public transport.

You are being asked to have niece until the following afternoon.

Neither of those asks consider how much trouble you will have to go to to accommodate the request.

If the request held no financial implication for you - leaving work early so potentially losing out on wages or having to use your own leave then paying for public transport for you there and two of you back - I'd perhaps think you were a little unreasonable not to want to help. But would accept that you have your reasons for not wanting to. I would hope dsil would offer to reimburse you for any travel/loss of earnings costs incurred. I've asked my mum to look after dc before and have always offered to pay her the days wage if it meant she wouldn't have been able to work.

Quite frankly not picking the child up until the afternoon is taking the piss on the mother's part and I think she has perhaps arranged something else and realised that the journey there and back, plus having her niece home would put a spanner in the works - I'd assume to pick her up in the afternoon she'll either have had too much to drink the night before or be away from home and have to travel.

If you had been asked at the beginning, when dsil was at the planning what's happening stage, I'd think you were being a teensy bit unreasonable to not want to at least help out on the Friday, provided niece would be picked up on the Friday. But again, you've no obligation to for whatever reason you choose to help out. It would be the nice thing to do. But if it isn't something you feel you can do, you're best off not doing.

Mixed feelings about this, but I think I am on your side for the simple fact that you don't drive, 30 miles is a long way, and a summer camp will be somewhere not terribly accessible by public transport.

It's hard to know whether she has genuinely found herself unstuck and really needs a rarely asked favour, (in which case if you drove I'd say help your niece - it would be churlish not to) or whether she is one of those irritating people who wants her children to be able to do everything on offer, and consequently totally over-books things and packs out the family schedule without any thought to the practicalities and the consequences. People like that always just assume that their friends or family will be available and willing to rush around solving their logistical problems for them.

I had a friend like this once and it drove me nuts. If something completely optional is too complicated to do without having to inconvenience others, then don't do it! Some people's cheek and entitlement knows no bounds.

I don't understand - from what we've been told so far - why this trip was booked at all if the child's mother couldn't be there to collect her when it finished. Surely, the issue of leave would have been an issue when it was first booked, and, at that time, any sensible person would have asked around then to see if anyone might be willing to help out ? Even then, if it was simply an issue of not being able to get to the pick up point in time, surely, you'd then drive up as soon as you'd finished work to collect your child from the friend/relative who'd done you the favour of collecting her ? ..... I agree with Zipzap, I think what's really going on here is that child's mother has had a better offer for Friday night and is giving herself plenty of wriggle room for a hangover etc., hence the collection on Saturday afternoon. If that is the case, then small wonder OP and her DP don't want to take this responsibility on - regardless of whether she likes the child (and you are allowed to dislike some children) most people would still feel pretty peed off at being in effect emotionally blackmailed so mum can have a night out - reading between the lines here - especially if she's not being honest about it, which I suspect she's not.

My son once knew a girl of about 9 who was the daughter of a friend of his best friend's mother. He saw her often when at his best friend's house and would go on and on and ON to me afterwards about how utterly foul she was and how much her hated her. I dismissed it as childish petty nonsense. And then I met her.

Oh my god. What a revolting and truly unlikable excuse for a child. Obnoxious, loathesome, rude, loud, bossy, manipulative, deceitful, and did I say rude? Three hours in her company was enough finish me off.

She was like all the horrid brats in Charlie and the Chocolate factory rolled into one. Urrgh. Some children just aren't very nice. Which figures really, as plenty of adults aren't very nice either.

Based on your attitude and tone YABU. You really sound like you just don't want to help. I also agree with the poster who suggested you still wouldn't do it if it was down the road and I'm guessing it's a relief to you that you have the journey logistics as an excuse.

Quite so Fellatio. I always find it odd that it's considered 'not ok' if you don't actually love and worship every single child simply because they are a child. It's nonsense. Some children are just not very nice and not very likeable. If some posters have been fortunate enough to have not yet encountered such a child then be thankful. If other posters have then please do not shoot them down - it's a simple truth that not all children are lovely, cute, engaging, likeable and nice to be around.

Definitely not unreasonable.

I can't believe you're being called selfish and mean for daring to not want to fuck about on a Friday night to pick up someone else's child because they don't want to take a day off work.

And you don't like the child much so you're being called a bully. Not liking someone doesn't mean bullying them, or being mean to them or anything close to that fgs.

If you lived close by and were asked to pick her up and have her until her mum finished work I'd probably think you were a bit tight but it's still up to you. These circumstances are totally out of line for the cheeky cow mother to ask for.