to not want neice to stay at ours

[ReflectingKites]

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

[StillSeekingSpike]

Does this go both ways? If families are meant to rally round and support no matter what- does that mean that they also get the right to comment on parenting and how many children you have?

[AintNobodyHereButUsKittens]

Well as far as we know (unless I missed an update with loads of other neiblings), this child is the DP's only genetic link with the future, so in crudely evolutionary terms he needs to rally round

[Snazzywaitingforsummer]

Protego you are seriously suggesting the child goes to stay with a local MNer - who to her would be some random stranger off the internet - instead?

OP, it would probably be more fun than you think to have your niece to stay - although that might depend on whether your reasons for 'not liking her' are because she's not a very pleasant child. But even so, you are not obliged to babysit so no one should act as though you are. And I do think the mum is pulling a fast one here, like all the ones on threads where SAHMs are looking after others' kids for free, or taking them to school, because the mum 'can't afford time off'. Other working parents just have to suck it up.

[ArthurCucumber]

The OP will have kids if and when she damn well pleases, and I'm sure if she does, she'll love them as much as we love ours. If she's using the terms "SIL" and "DP" correctly, she isn't even this child's full aunt - she's the unmarried partner of her uncle. She has no responsibility. And so what if she doesn't like children? Far better to not like children and therefore not have them, than have them and not bother your arse with them, as it sounds like the SIL likes to do.

[diddl]

I wouldn't give up my weekend unnecessarily for a child that I didn't like.

I wouldnt have done it pre children & I wouldn't do it now.

Actually, I wouldn't give up any of my time unnecessarily for anyone I didn't like.

[Cerisier]

My DC are teens now and I do find small children pretty tedious, always have done. I like teenagers, they are far more interesting. Hence I wouldn't be volunteering to look after a 7 year old either.

[itsallshitandmoreshit]

Please, please tell me you are planning on having children at some point so that I know you will look back on your stuck up attitude on this thread towards this child, her mother and 'your precious weekends' with horror.

Please?

[xkittyx]

Exactly SPG. I like wine, feminism, wittyness, swearing... where else am I meant to go?

[xkittyx]

Theonlyway thanks way to make someone feel unwelcome! I'm trying to explain calmly so that was a bit uncalled for.

[xkittyx]

Anne, I've got quite a low tolerance for noise, mess etc. Bad nerves really. I do suck it up for family harmony and I'm very nice to them and do my best.

[Theyoniwayisnorthwards]

Good point Gorilla. And it is an odd choice to participate in a parenting website if you don't like kids.

[xkittyx]

MN is in the news a fair bit so I was curious. In my case I was drawn to the relationships board as I was trying to make sense of a past abusive relationship. Never posted but reading the threads there was hugely helpful. I also love reading the feminist section. AIBU is obviously very addictive! Never venture into the parenting section.
Anyway sorry for derail!

[GoshAnneGorilla]

Xkittyx - yet I'm sure you wouldn't dream of saying you weren't keen on being around people with disabilities, or people of a different race to you. So why is it OK to say that about children?

[HildaOgden]

I always assumed that the non-parents originally joined when they were considering becoming parents (eg IVF threads etc),and that it just hasn't happened for them yet.

I just find it curious...I think if I was childless (by choice),with no intentions of becoming a parent,I wouldn't do a google search that would lead me to a parenting site.Other forums,yes.For instance,I'd never end up joining a site for motorbike fanatics...purely because I have no intention of ever becoming a biker.

I don't think I'm explaining myself well

[xkittyx]

Hilda there are loads of non parents on here, there have been a number of threads about it. I just don't read the parenting sections. Its also helped me be more understanding of my friends with children.

[HildaOgden]

I wouldn't find it weird or be prejudiced about someone posting (or indeed,feeling) that they don't like kids.Ditto about someone being childless.Each to their own,and all that.

I do find it quite intriguing as to why someone chooses a parenting website in the first place though.

[xkittyx]

GosgAnneGorilla, I'm not keen on being around kids. And clearly I imagined the myriad non child related topics on MN. It chimes with my life stage.

[xkittyx]

Not all seven year olds are delightful. I wouldn't have my nephews to stay either, not interested in badly behaved children at all.
I think this thread goes to show how much prejudice there is againt child free woman. It's like it's only okay ifyou express adoration of nieces and nephews. Admit to being child free and disinterested and you are suddenly a selfish cow in the minds of some.

[GoshAnneGorilla]

People who "don't really like children" are weird. It is so odd that on a parenting website of all places saying "I don't really the elderly/black people/ people with disabilities" would be rightly flamed, yet it is perfectly acceptable to think that about children.

[forehead]

Tell your dp to get her.

[Protego]

Because that is what kind people do for one another? Seven year olds are delightful - could a local MN-er step in perhaps?

[HildaOgden]

I have a genuine question that I'd love you to answer as you have made me curious.As you have no kids,and don't seem to be planning to any time soon,what drew you to Mumsnet?Genuine question,not meant to be snipey.