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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now he's dead they'll be minted!

109 replies

MintyFreshNow · 27/06/2013 12:39

This is the text that SIL sent to my DH by accident instead of her own DH when my DF died. I do not know if she knows that I know about it. AIBU to think this is not a 'normal' thing to say about anyone when their DF has just died?

OP posts:
HormonalHousewife · 27/06/2013 12:41

Firstly I am sorry for your loss.

Your SIL is completely out of order.

Mintyy · 27/06/2013 12:41

Of course its not normal! Am very sorry you have lost your df Sad.

Antisecco · 27/06/2013 12:42

To be honest I think this is just one of those tragic instances when the wrong button gets pushed.

I am really sorry for your loss and I don't doubt that your SiL is too, but in the scheme of things it's not an awful awful thing to say (not terribly nice either) and I should just let it go if you can

rockybalboa · 27/06/2013 12:42

Bloody hell, that's outrageous. I wouldn't say anything but just keep an eye on her.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 27/06/2013 12:42

Your SIL is a right piece of work. How vile is that! I can't imagine every thinking something like that in complete privacy, never mind sharing it with anyone.

fedupwithdeployment · 27/06/2013 12:44

Not normal. She sounds very jealous and resentful.

LookingForwardToMarch · 27/06/2013 12:44

This may be a bit overboard....

But if that was my father they were talking about I'd bite her fucking head off!

(Or at least make her squirm and feel really really shit about herself for a bit)

OnTheNingNangNong · 27/06/2013 12:46

I would go fucking crazy if it was about me. She has no right to say that.

Antisecco · 27/06/2013 12:47

Well obviously there may be a backstory, but without that knowledge I would honestly give SiL the benefit of the doubt. As I said, it's not a terribly nice thing to think but I have to disagree with you Smite I think it's the sort of thing people DO think, and SiL thought she was talking to her own DH. Minty's DH might have done better not to pass this little gem on (although perhaps Minty saw it herself)

And as one who has been on the receiving end of erroneously sent messages, I honestly would let it go. People are human.

Once again, really sorry for your loss Minty

BarbarianMum · 27/06/2013 12:47

Very unpleasant unless you owe them a lot of money. And even then it would be badly worded.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 27/06/2013 12:47

Really? Okay, I wouldn't consider it that offensive to be said between the two of them. I wouldn't say it to you though!

RobinSparkles · 27/06/2013 12:47

She sounds a gem! Hmm

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that you have a crap SIL.

I'm sure most people would rather have their parents alive and well than all the money in the world. Nasty cow!! (Her, that is.)

cozietoesie · 27/06/2013 12:48

Oh people do think it, SmiteYou. Both before and after death. Pure envy.

Not a nice piece of work that, OP. I'd get through the next immediate while and then restrict further contact with her to essentials only.

I'm sorry that you lost your father.

Antisecco · 27/06/2013 12:49

I think I am going to have to realise that I am in the minority here. Still think I have got a reasonable point though and just trying to calm the waters

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 27/06/2013 12:49

I would text her to ask if she meant that message to be seen by you. It will achieve nothing particularly useful as you can't unsee the text, but it will make her squirm and you might even get an apology.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Fifilosttheplot · 27/06/2013 12:51

I dont think it is worth starting a family incident over, particularly when you probably have so many important things to think about at the moment (sorry for your loss).

I'd get your DH to send a message back saying "Err...think you might have sent this to the wrong people" or "Dont think this is meant for us" (note the plural so she knows you have seen it)" and let her shrivel up in her own embarassment which is probably going to be punishment enough

cozietoesie · 27/06/2013 12:51

You're extremely kind, Antisecco. I suspect most of us are less charitable. I certainly wouldn't be able to be friendly again with someone who had articulated that thought.

ShatnersBassoon · 27/06/2013 12:51

It's the sort of thing I might say to my husband, behind closed doors Blush. She didn't mean any spite, was just saying what she thinks to be true to someone who isn't directly affected.

I'm sorry it's upset you (as it would me if I was in your position), but I think you have to let it go. She made a mistake.

KirjavaTheCat · 27/06/2013 12:51

What a nasty thing to say. What possesses people?

I doubt she'll be showing her face any time soon. How mortifying for her. Good.

Sorry for your loss Minty.

Hissy · 27/06/2013 12:53

Can I ask how you do know about it?

Personally, if that were me getting that text i'd not have passed on that information, but i'd have called the SIL to tell her that i'd seen her text and that I wasn't happy that's all she had to say on the subject.

Or i'd have forwarded on the text to the brother...

I would have made sure that you didn't know it was said. Certainly until some time had passed.

GloriousGoosebumps · 27/06/2013 12:54

Your SIL is clearly a nasty, unpleasant woman.

I would send the email back to her with a note that you assume it was intended for her father and say no more than that.

FreedomOfTheTess · 27/06/2013 12:54

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Sadly people do think it. A so-called friend has commented to other friends about how I'll be "rolling in it" when my dad dies, so people think it before it happens too.

Ignore it, people like that aren't worth worrying about.

threesypeesy · 27/06/2013 12:55

Sorry for your loss op

I would just sweep it under the carpet alot of people think this I am afraid just unfortunate the txt was sent to you.

LEMisdisappointed · 27/06/2013 12:56

I would just reply to the text with a ??? and leave it at that. Maybe you will have some inheritance and I hope you do, it doesn't replace a loved one but your dad will have wanted you to have it. Nothing to feel guilty about. Maybe your SIL is a tad jealous and it was pretty unsensitive but to be fair it was said between what she thought was her and her partner and if i am very honest, it might have been the sort of thing id say, maybe not in those words. I certainly wouldn't mean anything nasty by it.

HoppinMad · 27/06/2013 12:57

Yanbu

Out of order for her to say that, and absolutely stupid to have sent it to your dh. Out of curiosity, how soon after your df's death did she send it? If it was straight after when the pain is still raw, I probably would go batshit crazy and never speak to the insensitive bitch again. If it was some time after, when the time comes for Wills and possessions to be shared out, I probably wouldn't have been AS angry, but would still let her know what an insensitive bitch she is.