AIBU to think Nigella has no right to feel frustrated?

[GiveMumABreak]

'Nigella feels frustrated that the whole world has an opinion about something she feels is a private situation.'

'Nigella feels her hand has been forced.'

'Nigella told friends she wants to rebuild her troubled relationship with millionaire art collector Mr Saatchi and insisted: 'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

AIBU to think: She is a celebrity chef (and role model)who had her photo taken in a public place. We are shocked and concerned - not just nosey, or should the whole world just mind their own business (as she would clearly prefer)?

article here

As for owing the public 'fuck all', it's not about owing the public anything, it's about accepting that as a famous person people will talk about you and be interested in your life.

Whatever, really, it strikes me as quite incorrect to be frustrated with fans when, really, it is your husband that has caused your woes.

Fenton - that's the shit side of the deal you make with the devil though - you get the fame and the glory until it all turns to shit. You can't switch the spotlight on and off to suit.

..because she is a celebrity.

She owes it to herself to LTB, I agree, - I just don't agree that it should be because she is a celebrity.

I know what I mean..

No, she should ltb (after kicking him with all her might in his nasty evil testicles) because he has abused her. the end.

Her nasty little secret is not having anal sex or drinking out of the bloody orange juice carton straight from the fridge, it is being abused by her husband - of course she doesn't want people to know about it as with it comes, shame and guilt and fear and all of those other awful emotions.

Oh do you know her then, Hullygully? I don't. I can imagine that in her place I'd be flitting from one thought to another, trying to focus, thinking of all the people important to me (my children), wondering what the best thing to do would be.

I'd be sifting through what happened, backwards and forwards, thinking this is best then discarding it. Finally, reality would seep in and I'd be bereating myself for having fallen for a man who can't keep his hands to himself. I guess I'd be feeling shock, overwhelming sadness, anger and then grief for what I had - or thought I had - being gone forever.

Then, because I'm in the public eye, not only do I have to focus on my children, myself and my immediate circumstances and situation; i have to explain myself to a publicist and be 'guided' by them as they leave me in no doubt that what I do now impacts my career which, however 'fluffy' it may appear to be, is one that I like. Then... if that weren't enough, I have to distance myself from 'well-meaning' internet advice givers and trolls; the difference between I really can't distinguish. Lucky me, I'm a celebrity.

I suppose I'm lucky in that, should this happen to me, I can rail and weep anonymously and my choices not be used to batter me (again) as a poor example to women everywhere...

I hope that Nigella is far, far away from places like this. :(

I agree, again.

I guess it's some of the opinions on this thread I don't really like. You're a millionaire celebrity, deal with it.

I feel very sad for her.

I agree lying, I just don't write it at such length, I said "it will take her a while to see the light"

I don't think she should just deal with it because she is a "millionaire celebrity" I think she should LTB because he abuses her

That is separate to the spotlight is unavoidable, which it is.

So I'll ask this... would it make a difference if, hypothetically, Nigella had lost one of her children? Does the fact that she's a celebrity sugar-coat her life to such a degree that she should expect cameras to follow her about as she's struggling to hold it together? After all, she's in the public eye, can't switch publicity off and on, dance.with.the.devil.get.a.really.long.spoon and all that other crap...

I mean, she made her money from her persona so there's no limit, right? We all have a right to see her grief-stricken face, from every angle.

What's the difference? Publicity is publicity, right?

And "nasty little secret" is because he knows what he does, she knows what he does and it is nasty but they keep it secret (of course)

I didn't know you were talking about the rights and wrongs.

I was simply talking about the reality of how it is

Very blurry between rights, wrongs and reality, I think. Personal parameters go every which way; some people seem to have none.

There's a person at the bottom of all this who has no personal responsibility to anybody but herself so to expect her to behave as some kind of 'LTB icon' is patently unfair.

I don't know.

Leaving aside her personal shame and pain, what sort of message does it send if a successful, independently wealthy, bright grown up woman stays with a nasty old man who grabs her throat and twists her nose in public? To both abused and abusers?

Because she IS an "icon"

People go on about positive role models etc, so it is hardly surprising that everyone wants Nigella (whom they love and admire) to tell Saatchi to fuck off, is it?

She can feel any way she wants to OP.

Jesus Christ, if you don't get that 'How to Eat' was a tongue in cheek title, then you're beyond help really.

Cracking cookbook actually, and v influential.

Also, anyone who doesn't realise that those 'quotes from friends' were made up by a newspaper staffer is delightfully naive. That's what 'a friend said' means.

YABU. She has every right to feel frustrated that aspects of her life are being laid bare and picked over by the vultures in the media and the sleb-loving population.

What her situation is, how she handles it, and how she WILL handle it now it's become more "real" - all this is entirely up to her, not anyone else.

I hope that she decides to break free from him. But it's her choice entirely, and her choice of timescale for it too.

Indeed

It might have been more fun had they made up:

"I'm so glad I've finally realised what an utter old cunt Saatchi is," said a relieved Nigella, hanging on the arm on her new 30 year old boyfriend. "All I need now is for someone to squeeze his scrawny old neck and then I can get on with my life."

I don't know,, Hully. I don't expect 'celebs' to bring up my children or educate or direct them. I know that the 'messgages' are out there but I think it's quite feasible to speak to an old enough child and say, "You know what happened with Nigella? This is not ok. You must never put your hands on another person nor allow them to do that to you, 'mkay?".

She's a human being, not an 'icon' and not resonsible for message-giving. That said, I like your scenario in 15:27:21...

Within the context that people have bought into the irritating public persona of Nigella Lawson and her fabulous life for reasons I cannot personally comprehend but that's just me love and admire her then, yes, it is understandable that they want to assist her.

You are right, Hullygully, completely right in what you say.

I mean I don't think it's logical to hold her up as a positive role model and, at the same time, ignore her when things get tough for her. That's not the human way.

Still, though, she is obviously confused and in a very difficult place at present and perhaps in time will realise that her frustrations should be directed towards her husband and not the gossipers.

Although the slebs who moan about being photographed while on holiday about having their precious privacy invaded can f* right off.

Some of us just want to leave a hurting human being alone to process and recover their lives.

All the money and celebrity in the world means nothing when yours falls apart.

I feel sorry for people so full of bitter entitlement towards somebody they have no actual investment in.

YABU

Nobody has the right to 'deny' anyone else their feelings. You don't live her life and she can feel whatever she wants.

You can be intelligent and successful but that doesn't make you immune from finding it difficult to leave a relationship where there is domestic violence.

When I saw the pictures to begin with they triggered a memory of how an ex partner treated me but circumstances that surrounded the situation ended up with me believing (wanting to believe?) that what was happening was not abuse. I didn't leave either. My counselor said that people often find it difficult to leave a relationship where there is domestic violence and it's just not as easy as leaving.