AIBU to think Nigella has no right to feel frustrated?

[GiveMumABreak]

'Nigella feels frustrated that the whole world has an opinion about something she feels is a private situation.'

'Nigella feels her hand has been forced.'

'Nigella told friends she wants to rebuild her troubled relationship with millionaire art collector Mr Saatchi and insisted: 'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

AIBU to think: She is a celebrity chef (and role model)who had her photo taken in a public place. We are shocked and concerned - not just nosey, or should the whole world just mind their own business (as she would clearly prefer)?

article here

yy pag. You have to separate the person from the persona.

pore ol Nigella. Vile ol saatchi

dont read DM online (which is bullshit) then write bitchy post OP

FAIL

I haven't read all of this but I read the article from the link.

I can totally imagine how she might feel - I might be wrong of course.

The thing is, as would say - 'he's a jerk, but he's my jerk'. (irrelevant link)

You're in a relationship, and yes the person is wonderful, but is also dangerous or unfeeling or cruel. You forge yourself a persona, a role, be it as a 'nurturer' or something else, in order to cope with the abuse or difficulties. But you still want to be there, with that person you're in love with, until (and this may never come) the day you mentally and emotionally detach from them.

This requires a tipping point. She may not have reached it. In the interim she needed to preserve her illusion of coping, of being fine as long as she was in control, in her home made role which allows the behaviour to continue and not undermine her entirely.

Then someone shows up what is really going on and of COURSE she will feel awful. Because it's exposed things to everyone that she didn't want them to see.

I feel desperately sorry for her. I have a feeling she may have trouble separating love from abuse, if she grew up with abuse. That's something we can't help her with. It also explains the detachment in her statement that she's 'not some battered wife'.

I think this is something that actual battered wives ought to ignore, because it's clearly said by someone who cannot allow herself to feel like a victim. It's actually just very sad.

threadkill has everyone got distracted by you tube?!

I'd be more likely to watch any new show of hers than I would have previously

Why?

I am genuinely baffled as to why this revelation about her relationship, would make you more likely to watch her cookery shows?

\o/ waves to the excellent Worra

The author of that horrible phrase now feels a sort of malign benevolence to poor, poor Nigella now. Think of it as being accompanied by a nice 'head pat' and very discreet vigorous thigh-rubbing.

Of course, if Nigella's popularity starts to rally, that same author will distance herself from said cookery programme, faster than the speed of slight.

Speed of light that was supposed to be... Freudian, perhaps?

Haha! \0/ still reminds me of someone drowning!

Ha! That's not what you said last time, Worra... your flippant repost was more gynaelogical, as I recall...

Those were the days, my friend.

Oh God yes I remember!

I must be toning it down in my old age?!

Flipside of fame. It giveth, and it taketh away.

But how can something illegal and horrible that someone else does to you in public take away from you? Does it not take away from him?

I agree with Hully at 13 12:00:10

yabu, her privacy has been invaded at what must be a very challenging time for her and she is entitled to feel however she feels about that. People are nosy, most of the concern is fake concern; politicians looking to advertise themselves a certain way, the newspapers who are playing on it to sell papers, journalists attention seeking, special interest groups exploiting it to make their own agendas heard and the those of us who are reading it because we are nosy feckers.

"faster than the speed of slight"

Now that is brilliant :)

Btw am I the only one seeing the irony in this thread dissing other people from talking about Nigella in public fora?

I am not dising people talking about it. I am dissing people who are clearly enjoying themselves by endlessly criticising her when all she has done is a) be famous and b) be attacked by her husband. The op is that she as 'no right' to her feelings.

So not terribly ironic really.

FFS who are you, the Feelings Police.

I feel stressed and anxious at present - would you like to tell me if I am allowed to feel like this?

We are all different, we all have histories which make us feel differently fromthe rest of the population and if Nigella feels frustrated at the moment then she has every bloody right to feel that way.

She also has every right to feel cross with numptys like you IMO.

I suppose that Nigella Lawson has made a packet out of people being daft enough to buy into the domestic goddess gig, her public persona grates on me-it just does. I realise that she may be very different behind closed doors.

But, you know, when people who are your actual fans and have bought into that persona and may actually care about you because of it, the thing to do would be to shrug it off and not be frustrated by it.

This thread is about are those feelings justified-NOT the actual abuse which, to my mind, is pretty indefensible and clear cut. Anybody's entitled to feel how they feel, but, no I don't think they're particularly justified.

It's hard for her and perhaps when she looks back she'll realise that it's no good being frustrated with anybody else bar her husband who caused all this grief.

In a way being frustrated with other people is classic displacement activity when the person who has been hurt's focus should be on the person who hurt her.

She wants people to leave her alone and not talk about it so she can see it the way she wants to see it and not the way it is.

"?I am not some sort of battered wife.?

i also suspect she did NOT say that. she has not said a word, so I suspect someone leaked this. It does not jel

maybe wishful thinking, but I suspect she has received literally 10000s of messages of support from other "battered wives" . I just cant see her saying this, sorry

You are probably right Hully, but why shouldn't she be allowed to do that if that's what she wants.

She has got the clear message that the world thinks her husband is abusive, - up to her what she does with that.

Yes, she can let herself be beaten to a pulp if she likes.

I'm not saying she should/shouldn't, tho I'd prefer it if she wasn't on balance.

In an ideal world no one would willingly submit themselves to abuse/violence no matter what they called it to themselves. Don't you think?

Actually no, I don't think she should be allowed. I think masochism is most undesirable and dangerous. I wouldn't let someone put a fag out on themselves etc either.

It's why we have laws an shit.

I didn't mean it like that, Hully (i knew immediately I posted someone would say that)

I mean she should be allowed to deal with her problems, her marriage without everyone saying she has a duty to womankind to LTB very publicly.

I do agree with Jayne that her frustration comes from the public knowing their nasty little secret rather than her husband's vile behaviour and that it is displacement.

It will take her a while to see the light.