AIBU to think Nigella has no right to feel frustrated?

[GiveMumABreak]

'Nigella feels frustrated that the whole world has an opinion about something she feels is a private situation.'

'Nigella feels her hand has been forced.'

'Nigella told friends she wants to rebuild her troubled relationship with millionaire art collector Mr Saatchi and insisted: 'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

AIBU to think: She is a celebrity chef (and role model)who had her photo taken in a public place. We are shocked and concerned - not just nosey, or should the whole world just mind their own business (as she would clearly prefer)?

article here

[Jayne3474]

It wasn't just cooking at all, if it was just about cooking, there would be a plain studio. It was her lifestyle that was being sold.

She's not a straightforward cook like Delia. Or a proper-doing-it-as-a-profession chef like Ramsey.

Putting the abuse aside for one moment, Nigella Lawson -a highly intelligent woman- figured out that she could sell herself as this 'Domestic Goddess'.

Now 'domestic' refers to all home life matters-not just cooking.

And here she is, marketing herself as the perfect i.e. goddess person at all things homely and comforting.

Now people realise that it's not like that at all and are surprised and she is frustrated by these little people thinking that they know her.

Seriously, what did she expect?

It's tragic that the lie should be exposed by such a terrible thing like domestic abuse, though.

The fact that she had Tesco value ham in her perfectly clean Smeg fridge would be a million times better.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Vile and full of bile.

Poor woman; subjected to violence and the judgement of morons all around her.

[Moominsarehippos]

I wonder if the said these quotes 'to a friend' anyway.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

SHe is of course entitled to feel and do as she thinks best, but I wish she felt and did differently! 'some sort of battered wife' is troublesome, to me, because of the suggestions of a 'type'.

[Jayne3474]

'Judgement of morons all around her'

Domestic abuse is terrible and can never be condoned.

I think that goes without saying, really, however the point of this is that she is complaining about the opinions of other people as regards her personal life when by her actions i.e. selling herself as some sort of 'friend' and a domestic goddess who courted the public to make her rich (er) she was quite happy to have their attention then.

That is, the 'judgement of morons' made her rich (er) and famous.

Perhaps it is the fact that she was born into riches that makes her so condemning of others; perhaps celebrities who were born into less salubrious circumstances realise that they have to take public opinion no matter how negative as price for fame and fortune.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

MNHQ... Please, for the love of apricots, could there be a 'hide poster' function soon?

[Purple2012]

Assuming this incident wasn't a one off -

Couple meet and fall in love
The man is charming kind and loving
The man starts picking fault in little things
The man tells woman she is useless etc
Woman starts to doubt herself
The man gets worse and some physical violence happens
The woman tries to be 'better' so it doesnt happen again - after all its her fault because he told her that.
It doesn't stop but all the woman wants is the man she fell in love with back.

She will make excuses for him. She has been conditioned for years to think it's her fault.

Thats why it's not that simple.

[Jayne3474]

Spot on, Purple2012

[Mimishimi]

Jayne, you sound almost triumphant in the revelation of her marital problems. It's quite unbecoming ... to you, not her. Anyone with half an ounce of sense would have realised there is a real person behind the 'domestic goddess' marketing. I wouldn't rejoice with spite even if she were found to eat Macca's or feed her kids fruit shoots. Never has to earn a penny. Really? I daresay she's earned a fair few more than you.

[Mimishimi]

Actually just scrap the 'almost'.

[Jayne3474]

Mimishimi,

I'm not triumphant about her marital problems at all. Having witnessed domestic abuse, I recognise the look of fear in her eyes, however, it is always annoying when a celebrity who has courted public opinion for years complains about press/public intrusion.

As for ounce of good sense well I'm not really sure about that and, while I pass no judgement, it is clear that some people don't realise the real person behind the domestic goddess. I mean if you buy a book called How to Eat I doubt that you're loaded with a sense of realism and pragmatism.

And, no, I doubt that the daughter of a millionaire politician and a heiress has REALLY been on the breadline.

Earned a fair few more than me? Er, sorry, but I don't see what your point is here: she got paid 100k per show for a chat show she did a few years ago.

I dare say that she's earned a fair few more than 99.9% of mn-ers (!)

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Purple's post was 'spot on'; your gloating ones, Jayne, disgust and sicken me.

[Jayne3474]

Yeah because pointing out that a celebrity who earns millions from gullible people buying her domestic goddess myth has no real right to demand that those very same people aren't entitled to an opinion (and that's all it is: OPINION, not an order, or demand) on her personal life is 'gloating' .

For some reason, such people think they know her, and she's done all she can to court that for financial gain. Fair enough.

She must know that she is exploting people with books called 'How to Eat', how could she not?

But to complain about them having an opinion -and what is their opinion? That she get out of an abusive relationship and that they wish her well-smacks to me of somebody who is very spoilt.

[Mimishimi]

Why should she have ever been on the breadline? How has not having been so made her less deserving of our sympathy and indignation? She has still earned more than her keep on her own terms doing something she loves (and which would certainly not have been something her family would have aspired for her to do when she was growing up although I'm sure they're proud of how well she's done). I do agree that if you commit yourself to a public life, it would be naive to assume you can control the media attention as you please.

[Pagwatch]

Urgh

Dress it up anyway you like, the tone of 'she asked for it' in your posts is really quite revolting Jayne

Being a 'celebrity' has fuck all to do with every sanctemonious busybody feeling that they can opine about every aspect of our private life.

[Pagwatch]

arf at 'our' private life.
Obviously 'your' private life. I could not be less of a celeb.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Are you a celeb in disguise? Caroline Quentin?

[Hullygully]

I think it's very interesting.

She would have put up with him and carried on being placating, indeed wants to, but feels she can't because she has been seen to be humiliated in public.

So she knows it's humiliating, abusive and unacceptable, but only if seen.

In private, she can rationalise it as he is "stressed" "difficult" etc and not have to see it for what it really is.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

She's free to do that if she chooses to, Hullygully, just like every other woman is free to choose whether to accept this behaviour or not. I understand that conditioning has a lot to do with that but I think gentle guidance by example or demonstration of the 'way out' is a far better method. "Pitchforks on Parade" would never do it for me.

As fellow women (I know that sounds odd), I think we should be showing a bit of solidarity and absolutely shunning the trial-by-tabloid advocates.

[Jayne3474]

Pagwatch

Asked for what, precisely?

Asked to be hit? No. Most definitely no.

Asked for people to have opinions (and that's all they are, opinions) on what she should do next?

Yes.

Celebrities of her sort always do; they sell a persona to the public (I mean the bit about her being a chef is nonsense really, yeah, she's a good cook and all but it's her persona she is selling).

So her fans think they've got a connection to her and feel they know her (logically, they don't but they feel they do) and then she feels they've no right to an opinion on her life.

This sort of celebrity-they'll take the perks, the riches, the privilege, but they won't tolerate the downside.

If this had been Nigella Lawson who quietly run a cookery school somewhere, who'd only be mentioned in relation to her father/brother, husband, who never sold a version of herself to earn money, who never had a cookery show, or sold a book or never pouted for publicity, then yeah, her view would have worth.

[Pagwatch]

I am only famous for living in a shed in mils garden

[Hullygully]

She is lyingwitch of course.

It is just interesting to me, that's all.

But I think as much public condemnation of male on female violence as possible is to be desired. It will make everyone think, it may even change attitudes. I do feel sorry for Nigella, and I understand why nobody wants to be humiliated in public, but that is a separate isuue.

[Fenton]

Bloody hell Jayne is it just celebrity women you hate or all women?

[Pagwatch]

I said upthread the 'goodness - what on earth is that all about' respobses seems understandable.

It's the endless 'she should do this' 'if she dosent do x she has let women down' 'by saying that she has damaged this'

Ponder the circumstances by all means but the endless criticising whilst pretty much ignoring saatchi is making me wonder why we don't ever seem to be able to apply support without endless critical judgement.
The fact that she is smart and has a career apparently now means she can be beaten with another stick.

And it is gleeful. Dress it up as impartial pondering but lots of posters are having a high old time that a rich celebrity has a dreadful private life.

Anyone who has 'bought the lifestyle' and imagined any of that to be real probably are stupid enough to be enjoying her distress. You are effectively agreeing that it is the thick and apparently unpleasant who feel that they are entitled to blame her for how she is now acting.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I've been watching Jonathan Creek dvds this weekend, Pagwatch, that's what's triggered it. I think I was hoping you were CQ and then I could have relentlessly stalked you around the boards begging you to go back and do another series with Alan Davies who is sorely in need of your undoubted talents as his foil.

My ultimate celeb is Donald Sutherland... and I really didn't think you were he. Although you might be!

... and that's some shed you have too!