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Original poster

The daughter I knew is dead - what a thing say!

280 replies

Animation · 22/06/2013 14:39

Can't help but think that the mother's words and attitude to her daughter, and apparently they don't speak, could be as damaging as Jeremy Forrest's behaviour towards her.
Am I unreasonable in thinking this??

OP posts:
flippinada · 22/06/2013 20:35

I agree that the tabloid coverage of this event (for want of a better word) leaves a lot to be desired, but then doesn't it always.

sheisaba · 22/06/2013 20:40

Of course the mother is a victim. The victim statement has to be an expression of the impact on her not the daughter. Goodness I am surprised at the lack of empathy for the poor woman. It is not a press statement it is a court statement and the only chance that victims have in directly affecting the sentence. Whatever she does the mother is in the wrong in the daughters eyes but she needed to write a strong statement in order to get him sentenced for as long as possible.

She made a horrible mistake and was deceived by this man, am sure she will be torturing herself over it for the rest of her life.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 20:43

I totally fail to see why the mother is being criticised. She was asked to give a statement and did so, and she didn't spare herself either in my opinion.

I suspect she gave it to ensure he got a sensible sentence not just to upset her daughter.

And her mother is a victim too, the whole family are.

MrsDeVere · 22/06/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 20:50

Quite MrsDV. Quite.

MrsDeVere · 22/06/2013 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nkf · 22/06/2013 20:51

This is not about blame. He broke the law. The police arrested him. The courts tried him and the jury found him guilty. If she went willingly, that is neither here nor there.

bico · 22/06/2013 20:51

I imagine there is a background to all of this that none of us know anything about. If I were ever in a situation where something so devastating happened to my child I my first last and only priority would be the welfare of that child, irrespective of how much I felt hurt personally.

I'm not criticising the mother I just am not sure how this statement will help her to reconnect with her daughter. However I'm not a trained counsellor so maybe she has been given guidance and this will help in a way that isn't apparent to those of us who aren't experienced in rebuilding family relationships.

As things stand at present I'm waiting for the Sunday tabloids in about 3 years time interviewing the daughter and this teacher about their new life together. Sad

nkf · 22/06/2013 20:52

Actually, I'm totally wrong. He admitted it. The rest still stands. The rest is speculation. He was 100% in the wrong.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 20:53

Bico - its not about the mother talking to her daughter though. It was for the court and would impact on the sentence.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 20:55

stuff here about the point of victim impact statements

sheisaba · 22/06/2013 20:56

but what if she didn't write a strong statement and he was out in a few weeks? Then her daughter would most definitely go off with him. At least now the poor girl will have a chance to grow up and have enough space to hopefully get the help she needs.

If I thought that my child would be lost forever I would do everything I needed to save her. This is an impossible choice Sad

flippinada · 22/06/2013 20:58

That's a very good point MrsDV, I hadn't thought of it that way. It may be that she felt as she's "lost" her daughter already then at least she can impact on the sentence in some way.. I think the statement will have been one of the factors taken into account when sentencing.

bico · 22/06/2013 20:59

Is there an option for the victim impact statement to be kept confidential, ie not read out in court but still provided to the prosecution, defence and judge?

flippinada · 22/06/2013 21:01

X posts, clearly it is. And thank you for the link MrsCampbellBlack that explains it very concisely.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 21:01

I don't know Bico. But honestly, I can understand her daughter being angry with her because of the grooming/manipulation but what I do not get is how people on here can read her statement and condemn her.

bico · 22/06/2013 21:03

I'm just thinking of the future. At the moment there doesn't seem anything left to be rebuilt.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 21:08

Well, as has been mentioned before if not on this thread on others on this subject. At the moment the victim may not see herself as one, but give her time, in 10 years time she may look back on what happened in a very different way.

And at that point, she will hopefully realise that her mother was trying to do the best for her by ensuring he was kept away from her daughter for as long as possible.

MrsCampbellBlack · 22/06/2013 21:09

God - I totally did not make sense then. Sorry. Meant to say there have been many threads on this subject and some people have said how similar things happened to them. At thte time they didn't think they were victims but now they realise they were.

MrsDeVere · 22/06/2013 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gobbynorthernbird · 22/06/2013 21:30

Apart from the fact that this statement was for the court (rather than a direct statement to her daughter), maybe the mother is playing the long game. The child thinks she is in love, and sees her mother as the bad guy. It's possible that the mother thinks that she is damned either way and this statement may be looked at in a couple of years, once the infatuation has worn off (or the child gets too old for him to be interested), and the poor girl will have some understanding of what this has done to her family and how much they care about her.

runningforthebusinheels · 22/06/2013 23:46

What sheisaba said at 20:40.

The mother is a victim in this too. Her daughter was groomed by this predator from the age of 14 - part of the grooming process is highly likely to have involved isolating the daughter from her family and any other friends/support networks. To exploit her vulnerability, and make her think that he is the only one who loves, understands and cares about her.

She was deceived herself by Forrest who lied to her face that her daughter was stalking him and threatening his career. Driving a further wedge between mother and daughter - because they argued about what he had said.

She then spent 8 days last year not knowing if her daughter was alive or dead.

They are both victims of Jeremy Forrest's predatory behaviour.

sashh · 23/06/2013 07:10

Alreadytaken - Where is the mother now when the daughter needs her? I think the mother needs to get her mind off herself and on to how it might feel for the daughter. It would appear that the poor girl has been abandoned just because she's upset and all over the place, and this could be damaging for the girl.

Desperately hoping her daughter will talk to her at some time in the future.

Daughter is living with step father. Her own father thinks there is nothing wrong with the relationship and has been quoted as saying he would be happy to walk her down the isle if she wants to marry him.

The poor mother has lived through the nightmare of a missing child, followed by the nightmare of a child who cannot see they have been abused and to further the torture the people who are around her daughter (father, step father, Forrest's family) are agreeing with her and telling her she has not been abused, it is a love story, all her mother's fault etc etc.

I know this is not the same as a child dieing, nothing compares to that and I cannot imagine what it was like for those of you who experienced it.

But that doesn't stop me having sympathy for the mother.

runningforthebusinheels · 23/06/2013 08:36

Yes, sashh. She's lost her daughter to a predatory man, in a position of power over her, and who has deceived and/or manipulated everyone around them, by wrapping his grooming of an underage teenager as a 'love story.'

The father is doing his daughter no favours at all by endorsing a marriage between them - and obviously lacks understanding about the nature of grooming, and of the power imbalance of teacher/pupil relationships.

I think back to the other thread where a poster was in the same position as the schoolgirl (but without the fleeing to France and publicity). She did stay with said teacher for years in a relationship, because she felt she'd given up so much, and caused so much trouble within her own family, to be with him. But as she matured she realised this wasn't the relationship she thought it was.

I think, sadly, that similar will happen here. Forrest doesn't love her - he loves the power over her, and the adulation she gives him. If he loved her he would never have run away to France with her and separated her from her family. He would never have made her stand up in court and lie for him.

gordyslovesheep · 23/06/2013 09:00

Nooby you are NOT her

MrsDV - I do think you are wonderful x

OP - I don't find her statement shocking - he robbed her of her relationship with her daughter - she protected her and now she is hated by her - horribly sad IMHO