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Original poster

The daughter I knew is dead - what a thing say!

280 replies

Animation · 22/06/2013 14:39

Can't help but think that the mother's words and attitude to her daughter, and apparently they don't speak, could be as damaging as Jeremy Forrest's behaviour towards her.
Am I unreasonable in thinking this??

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 22/06/2013 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bico · 22/06/2013 19:53

flippinada it wasn't the girl's impact statement issued on Friday, it was her mother's; hence my question. It seems very personal to the mother and very selfish. I cannot see how this statement would help heal her relationship with her daughter, in fact I imagine it can only make it worse. It has no relevance to the proceedings since legally the mother is not the victim here.

scottishmummy · 22/06/2013 19:55

I'm sad to see an extension of victim blaming,the adolescent and now her mother
I think if one of you read this with some empathy you'd maybe be less harsh
I see some if you cannot grasp Forrest groomed vulnerable girl,distancing her from family.

flippinada · 22/06/2013 19:55

Yes, I know it was the mother's victim impact statement and not the girls, so I'm a bit puzzled you would think otherwise!

BOF · 22/06/2013 19:57

I agree, MrsDV- it's like some people want to blame her mother. Hell, she blames herself enough: let's not do that to her.

Portofino · 22/06/2013 19:58

She was a teenager, her family had issues, her parents separated. That, on its own is enough to cause trauma to a 13/14 yo. Right at this particular time, the twat chose to groom her for a sexual relationship. He abused his position so horrendously I makes me spit. She has now gone all Romeo and Juliet from what I can see and blames her mother for this, when if he had done his job correctly, this never would have happened.

MrsDeVere · 22/06/2013 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bico · 22/06/2013 20:00

Why does she need to say anything like this in public? I really don't understand how it will help her relationship with her daughter. Her daughter is 16. If she was 25-30 she may have the self awareness to read the statement and understand the devastating effect this has had on the family. At 16 I would be amazed if she has the maturity to think of others above herself.

flippinada · 22/06/2013 20:01

I would presume she was either asked to give one or told she had to give one - I don't know much about the law. The girl isn't going to give one because she doesn't consider herself to be a victim, even though she is.

Like I said before unless you have been in this kind of situation, I don't think you can criticise. No doubt it's comforting to think that's will never happen to me or mine but there are no guarantees in life. Predators like JF are extremely manipulative and cunning.

SarahAndFuck · 22/06/2013 20:04

The police do ask for victim statements from other members of the family though, if the crime has affected them in any way.

They took one from me when DH's sat-nav was stolen, because I asked them how likely it would be that they followed the option for 'home' and burgled us as well. Apparently that was enough to prove I was a victim because it affected my peace of mind. And that was just a gadget from a car.

I would be destroyed if this happened to my child, for his sake and for mine. And if I had been tricked by the abuser into taking his side against my child then I would find it very hard to forgive myself.

The mother and the wider family are victims of Jeremy Forrest. Maybe not in the same way as the young girl he has abused, but they wouldn't be human if they weren't badly effected by what he did to her.

It's why counselling services are offered to families as well as victims, because something like this effects everyone.

And the girl in question might not have wanted to give a victim statement, so the best they could do is read out her mothers instead.

flippinada · 22/06/2013 20:05

I suspect the mum would get pulled to bits no matter what she said. Poor woman.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 22/06/2013 20:05

I haven't read the whole thread but really...

Whilst I'm not advocating what that knob did was right what so ever, surely the girl has to take some of the blame?

Hmm really.

A child has to take responsibility for being groomed and abused, i mean really???

flippinada · 22/06/2013 20:07

Thanks for clarifying Sarah.

bico · 22/06/2013 20:08

I appreciate that the police will have asked for it and that the mother consented to it being read out. I just really don't understand why. How would this help the mother and daughter to rebuild their relationship. It is all about how the mother feels about herself and how she thinks she failed as a mother. How does that make a 16 year old react?

SarahAndFuck · 22/06/2013 20:09

And thanks flippinada and everyone else for your kind words.

TeamSouthfields · 22/06/2013 20:11

I thought it was a terrible thing to say !!!

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 22/06/2013 20:13

Now i have read the thread BOF has hit the nail on the head with her post, i totally agree.

CatsAndTheirPizza · 22/06/2013 20:17

MrsDeVere 'That statement does not look 'me, me, me' to me.
It does not look like the mother is rejecting her daughter' really? You don't think the daughter would feel rejected by that statement? I think a lot of 16 year olds would feel pretty rejected if a bad mistake they made caused their mother to say they were dead to them. I don't think it is the mother's 'fault' - I think she is in pieces, but I think it was badly worded.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/06/2013 20:21

I saw that headline whilst shopping today but knowing the tabloid you've read it in who knows what the mother actually said. Why does anybody read that crap? Confused

BOF · 22/06/2013 20:23

But she didn't say her daughter was dead to her Confused. She said that the girl she was before all this is never coming back.

SarahAndFuck · 22/06/2013 20:24

She has not said "my daughter is dead to me" in that statement.

People are making that up in their own heads and putting the wrong words into her mouth.

She has said "The daughter I know is dead" and I bet a lot of people who have a family member undergo a dramatic personality change for whatever reason have said the same and felt the same.

BOF · 22/06/2013 20:24

LyingWitch, the whole thing is posted earlier in the thread.

AnyaKnowIt · 22/06/2013 20:25

The mother said "I feel the [daughter] I knew is dead and it upsets me beyond words. I feel completely useless most of the time. I feel like I have failed as a parent as I cannot understand how someone could do this to my child and I had no idea

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/06/2013 20:29

BOF, thank you, I saw. I wonder though how many will never get past the headlines printed in these vile papers? Why can't the true facts be printed without this need to sensationalise? I'm really disgusted by the abuse of 'freedom of the press' in this country.

flippinada · 22/06/2013 20:33

The victim impact statement has been quoted widely in broadsheets and other news media - not just tabloids.