The daughter I knew is dead - what a thing say!

[Animation]

Can't help but think that the mother's words and attitude to her daughter, and apparently they don't speak, could be as damaging as Jeremy Forrest's behaviour towards her.
Am I unreasonable in thinking this??

It's a really complicated situation

I can understand the mother's thoughts.

It's not the future she had planned- the GCSEs, the end of school, school prom, and whatever else after that. All unexpectedly taken away from both of them.

I expect she probably feels betrayed and lied to by her own daughter. I hope she can see that her daughter was wholly manipulated by Forrester.

In addition, she says 'she is aiming all her anger at me'. I expect the girl is a ball of rage and emotional turmoil right now, especially as she considers herself to be still in love with the odious little man. That's not easy to contend with.

God, it just makes me feel so sad for this girl. I really do hope they reconcile and that the girl can move forward with her young life after this.

I agree that the behaviour of mothers after high profile events involving their children is overly scrutinised and criticised. Just another example of our misogynistic society, unfortunately.

One how on earth can I be a victim?! That has made me chuckle!

Because if you were my son or daughter, I'd press charges on the person in his/her mid-20s who had sex with you when you were 15. It's illegal.

Nooby I have had a long pause and re read your comment it was what I wanted....at 14. Really? Well, from my point of view, I would run any older man sniffing round my 14 year old...he shouldn't be there. I am delighted that you are happy with your choice though I think the word choice is redundant here.

Let's see how you feel if your beautiful young children become 15 year olds who are groomed and exploited shall we?
Trust me it's horrific.

One I was under the legal age, but I suggested it. I knew what I wanted and I got it. I'm not in denial trust me!

I know an awful lot of people who had sex at 15, and I'm sure a fair few of the people who post on here did too. Don't make me out to be a victim when half of these people on this board probably are too.

Nooby

Was it really her idea?

So she was not manipulated at all was she not?
Not placed under any pressure?
Needed no encouragement?

Her, a 15 year old decided to take her 28 year old teacher to France with her and he just went along like a puppy did he?

Why on earth do you keep insisting that she made all the key decisions here and that she must take half the blame?

Have you still not understood that he had been grooming her for 2 years? That is 2 years in the most vulnerable period of her life - adolescence.

Do you understand how brainwashing works? Have you not heard of women being tricked into handing over money to potential suitors, or of them being tricked into having sex with someone who promises to marry them?

How much more so is a child open to such tactics?

She was a vulnerable child who trusted an experienced adult.
In that situation it is wrong to say that she made such a life-changing decision willingly with all the information available to her.

He had wormed his way into her affections. It was fairly easy for him to get her to fall in love with him. He was very active in this relationship, taking her to gigs, holding her hand, sending her letters and cards, writing her songs. He couldn't have tried harder could he? Does this sound like a man who is fighting his feelings?

No, it sounds like a man who is trying to woo someone. In this case a child.

Remember that. He was actively pursuing this relationship.

She was completely under his influence.

He knew what impact this decision would have on their lives. She could not as she was just a child.

So no, she could not have consented with full knowledge in that situation. She was manipulated and the worst thing is that he has told everyone that it was all her idea. Laying the blame squarely on the shoulders of a child.

What a catch he is.

I feel very sorry for the girl tbh. She was vulnerable at 14 because she was self-harming etc as a result of the breakdown of her parents' marriage and the subsequent moving in of her mum's new partner.

She ran away from home with her 30-year old teacher who had encouraged an inappropriate relationship. The courts ruled that she had been abused by a paedophile. She feels that she's responsible for putting the man she loves in jail for 5 1/2 years.

And her mother releases a 'me, me, me' statement to say that she no longer knows her daughter etc. I'm quite sure she feels that way, but where's the unconditional support and love?

I don't blame the mum for what happened. God knows teenagers are hard to parent, but I do think her public comments towards her daughter who has been abused are strange to say the least.

Wasn't there a story where the parents were taken to hospital after a joint suicide attempt? I can't begin to imagine what this has done to all the family but his family are standing by him which surely to him normalises his behaviour.

Onesleep: "You were under the legal age of consent. A 'man' in his mid twenties had sex with you. You are so far in denial."

But she's now married to him, and they have two children. Don't you think it's offensive and belittling to her to tell her that she's in denial?

I think the trouble is that everyone is so angry about this that they're not actually listening to what Nooby is saying. All she's saying is that at 15 she was emotionally mature enough to make her own decisions. She doesn't feel that the man she was with was "exploiting" her or "grooming" her because she later married him.

I don't like what Forrest did, particularly as he was in a position of authority, and it is right that he was prosecuted. I suppose I don't like the discourse that assumes that all 15-year old girls are "vulnerable" or incapable of making their own choices. Lots of girls are having sex at 15 - in fact, as a culture we have come to regard that as normal. We seem to be operating some kind of double standard where we think girls are emotionally mature enough to have sex at 15, but if they are doing so with an older man then suddenly they are mentally and emotionally incapable of giving consent.

nooby you suggested sex, for a laugh? Or because you thought it was what he wanted? That it would be the grown up thing to do and make you are proper couple so you could be a woman? Because you were a child! No matter what way you put it, your age cannot be changed.
And as for other losing their virginity in their early teens, most of them would have had that experience with someone their own age or thereabouts not an adult. so you married your older man and you think that it makes it ok. If that works for you then goodo, but in the main such an experience would raise eyebrows and as others have said, would you be so comfortable if your own child was the object of attention from an older person....

Noob your husband was in his mid 20's. that's not like a 15 and 16/7 year old. Whatever you say, that's not normal and you were/are a victim. I genuinely don't see that a normal man of that age would go for a child.

It is illegal for anyone to have sex with a child under the age of 16. If caught, your husband would have been placed on the sex offenders register and labelled a paedophile.

You see the way it works is that a child who has no real experience of the outside world is not seen as capable of making a mature decision that could affect the rest of their lives.

In this case of a much older person who has experienced work, leaving home, etc it is all the worse for them to take advantage of an inexperienced girl who still only has double maths to worry about.

I'm sure your poor husband was completely unable to say no. I'm sure you lured him with your seductress ways that you learnt in school.

I'm so pleased you feel that your experience gives you the right to be an authority on every other scenario you come across, despite the obvious differences which you are quite keen to ignore.

Mainly that he was actually much older than her.
He was married with children.
He was her teacher.
He had actively pursued the relationship since she was 13.
He had previously targeted other 13 year old schoolgirls.

In addition to what other people have said. I'd like to point out that he successfully deceived his colleagues, the girls mother and his wife, alll of whom are adults, not once, but many times over a number of months.

Given that, it's not much of a leap to see that manipulating an unhappy, vulnerable young person for your own ends would be (sorry to be crude) a piece of piss.

I'm not surprised you think the victim is in some way culpable Nooby. Because if you didn't, well I guess you'd have to take a long hard look at what happened to you.

Any decent man would tell his 14/15 yr old girlfriend that they would do the right thing and wait till she was actually old enough to legally consent and they woukd back off and wait a few years and if it was still 'love' then they could see how they felt once she was an adult not a schoolgirl.

Tbh i would seriously question why any man wants a relationship with a child still at school and my boys woukd be told in no uncertain terms it was wrong.

hackmum the guy abused his position. he has form for being around young girls in his charge. she was a very vulnerable girl given the background of self harm and family life being what it was. she was perfect material for a predatory man.
there is no double standard. a 15 year old with an older man is not involved in an equal relationship based on mutual experience and maturity

"the behaviour of mothers after high profile events involving their children is overly scrutinised and criticised."

Where there's estrangement it's always the parents' job to make the first move and make every effort to understand and give support. If this girl is depressed, anxious or angry it's what one would expect in the circumstances and it's not OK for the parents to give up on her now.

hackmum

The newspapers are now questioning all those who defended Forrest with those very observations.

All those who said that they loved each other.

Where are they now that other pupils are coming forward with their own stories of how he targeted them, cuddling them, sending them cards and keeping them behind after class when they were aged just 13?

I feel the need to repeat this:

HE ACTIVELY PURSUED A RELATIONSHIP WITH A 13 YEAR OLD WHEN HE WAS 28.

He was the one who was wooing her. He did not even try to cover up what he was doing. She was not the first.

Is there anyone else who would like to excuse him or would like to think this is just another love story?

"...his family are standing by him which surely to him normalises his behaviour."

Yes, I'm wondering why aren't his family the focus of media attention, with people wondering how on earth they have failed so badly in bringing up a son who thinks it's ok to behave like this?

With the background coming out now, and the stories from the other girls, is anyone else wondering just how he got away with being so blatantly predatory for so long? Surely gossip in schools travels?

I think the difference is that JF is a grown man so the focus isn't on his family as he's deemed to be an independent adult. Whereas the girl is still under the care of her parents, so they are being scrutinised. Not saying it's right, but that's probably where the different attitudes are coming from.

MrsDeVere yup. All those schoolgirl seductresses targeting their poor, hapless male teachers.