The daughter I knew is dead - what a thing say!

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Can't help but think that the mother's words and attitude to her daughter, and apparently they don't speak, could be as damaging as Jeremy Forrest's behaviour towards her.
Am I unreasonable in thinking this??

Did you lose it to your 30-year-old teacher whom you'd been in a 'relationship' with since you were 13?

Not a teacher - an electrician actually

He was mid twenties and I'm very happily married to him :)

"It takes two to tango" Seriously? When one is a vulnerable teenager and the other a grown man? Do you have teenagers, Noob? I do. They think they're all grown up but they're still children. No 30 year old teacher should think it's appropriate to "tango" with a child in his care.

Like expat and MrsD, my daughter is actually dead, so in a way, when I read her statement, I thought, "No, your daughter is alive and you at least can have hope that you can salvage a relationship with her. I can never have hope of that"

But I can actually see what she means. She feels her child has been damaged and corrupted by this perverted prat and that she will never be the same as if he'd kept his grubby paws off her. I still think she's in a mucb better position than us, though.

The trouble is, Nooby, if your opinion basically involves being an apologist for sex offenders, then that is what it is. Either live with being called on it, or change your opinion.

This is like when people object to being called racist for saying things that are, in fact, racist. They sort of know racism = bad and don't want it associated with them, but can't make the link to the fact that they need to stop saying racist things. So they do a whole "You can't say anything nowadays!" spiel. You can, you just can't say say racist things without people thinking you're racist.

Same with this. It's just not possible to make a statement like "It takes two to tango" with regards to a case where one party cannot legally give consent without being an apologist for the offender.

I shall type this very slowly for the benefit of Nooby who might be slow to read it.

He targeted her from the age of 13.
He sent her cards, cuddled her (as he did with other 13yo pupils) he made her feel special when she was going through a rough angsty patch at home.

She looked up to him, her teacher who played with a rock band - how very cool! He wrote a song for her, how romantic!

She was groomed for 2 years, from 13 to 15 years old. A child who had none of the life experiences we have had, a child who had never had a serious relationship with a boy before, a child who was going through adolescence, a child who trusted an adult, a child who has no hindsight or cynicism, a child who had never left home before.

She is A CHILD and he is HER TEACHER. Yet you still say that it's up to her if she wants to runaway with this man, who already has previous because presumably she's capable of making those life-changing and very grown-up decisions?

You don't think she was persuaded at all? You think that past experience helped her to make a rational decision?

What did he have to lose? He knew that he was being investigated and his other offences would come to light, so what does he do? He takes the 15 year old and he runs off to France with her. Thus avoiding prosecution (he thinks) avoiding his other indiscretions coming to light and where he is able to enter into sexual relations with this child quite freely.

This child had mental health problems even prior to the abuse she has suffered. I'd be horrified if my mother felt the old person was dead. She was bloody mentally unwell!

Did your husband have previous relationships with teenagers Nooby? Did he meet you when you were 13? Did he have secret meetings with you when you were 13? Was he in a position of authority where he would have had to undergo training in child protection?

You are excusing the actions of a paedo based on your own personal experience with your husband. I wonder how your hubby would feel about that?

I suggest you research this story a little more, find out about Mr Forrest's background and other accusations against him and then come back and tell us that this girl made her decision without any persuasion or influence whatsover.

MrsDeVere exactly

Of-course I don't, like I said in my previous post - I don't condone what this twat has done. It's unacceptable to the highest standard imaginable - a teacher is a person of trust and authority and he abused that.

What I am trying to say, is that if she willingly went with this guy how can he mostly be to blame.

She fell well and truly in love with him, through his doing which I do understand. But surely she knows what is right and wrong, and she cose to go with him to France - it was her idea.

No need to be so patronising though THE - not really necessary.

Can I also say that if any of my sons when in their 20's gets into a relationship with a girl who is under 16 then I will be telling them that if they truly love her then they will do the right thing and wait for her to be the age of consent and I would be very disappointed in them if they did not wait, regardless of how much the girl was 'begging for it' as they are the adults and I expect them to do the right thing and wait.

She didn't really choose tho, she was manipulated.

Sorry Nooby, but what sort of man in his mid 20's actually wants to sleep with a girl under the age of consent? Just because you're happy with that does NOT make it right! That's disgusting.

OMFG I thought I had seen it all on this subject and then yet another ignorant fucking wanker comes along

One Sorry you think it's disgusting! Best hope your kids don't turn out like me then, eh?

Oh and the thought of a man in his mid twenties being interested sexually in a girl below the age of legal consent makes my flesh crawl.

I've read the statement and I think it is a horrible selfish thing to say.

Elizabeth Smart who was abducted has spoken about how degraded she felt because of messages she had been given before that about how someone who lost their virginity was like "used chewing gum".

The daughter she knew is dead implies that her pre-abduction daughter was "better" e.g. she is "grieving" for her. She needs to be a mother to her LIVE daughter NOW and not be making such horrendous statements in the public arena.

While the predator is the predator and deserves our contempt for what he did and the damage he has wrought, this sort of rhetoric from your mother isn't exactly helpful as far as I can see.

No, I hope my kids don't turn out to be a victim (whether you recognise it or not, though I think subconsciously you do, hence your attitude one here) and I'd be more upset and ashamed if the wanted to sleep with a 15 year old in their mid 20's.
your experience has given us an insight into your views on here, it's very sad.

For the particularly hard of thinking. It goes like this:
1)If you are vulnerable, you are not up to making value judgements, eg. is this a good or bad person.
2) You are vulnerable if you have an eating disorder.
3) You are vulnerable if you self harm.
4) You are vulnerable if you are a fourteen year old girl.
5) You are vulnerable if a teacher has manipulated you AND your family.
6) If said teacher decides to let you know that you have made a decision to have sex with him, then you are vulnerable and it is rape.
7) If you cannot under any circumstances accept that there is no way the girl concerned was groomed, forced, manipulated into taking decisions that were not good for her, if you cannot see that she is vulnerable, then this post applies to you.

nooby would this be a pertinent moment to point out that your now husband was in fact committing statutory rape with you when you lost your virginity?
What might on the outside look like a young person making decisions, what is actually happening is quite different. The nuances between the two are a million miles apart. The reason people are reacting in such a way is that
a. you are seriously unaware of how young people behave
b. you are being willfully stubborn
c. you are taking the piss

Hob Couldn't say I'm that bothered by what you think! I'm happy, and have been happy for years. I have two beautiful young children.

It was what I wanted, and I'm pleased I met him when I did :)

One how on earth can I be a victim?! That has made me chuckle!

I feel very sorry for the girls mum having her victim impact statement pulled to bits like this. She and her family have been through utter hell. She had a week not knowing whether her daughter was alive or dead. Can you imagine (I'm sure many of us can).

Plus of course the press intrusion, and of course the girl cannot be named but everyone knows who she is and by extension they will know her family.

Now maybe her home life wasn't great; we do know that she was (is) very troubled and it's likely there were issues at home (not unusual for teenagers) - but that just makes what JF did even worse.

You were under the legal age of consent. A 'man' in his mid twenties had sex with you. You are so far in denial. Please don't tell me you'd be happy for your children in that scenario. But I'm guessing you will.