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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

daughter given choc cake at scool, she is allergic to cows' milk.

200 replies

MyNameIsRio · 22/06/2013 08:03

That. They all know. Had their new teacher (who they will be having next year) for Fri afternoon and she was given birthday cake. Her own teacher has a stack of her own snacks. Now do I write to new teacher and headteacher?

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNameIsRio · 22/06/2013 10:03

I will not make a massive fuss. At all. TheSEcondComing, I am riled at the tone of your posts, to be honest. I am not a fuss pots. I am the opposite. I

OP posts:
HarrySnotter · 22/06/2013 10:04

Just talk to them and explain again, the new teacher will be mortified no doubt. I often wonder why there are so many allergies these days I only remember 1 child having an allergy when I was at school. I have no allergies (that I'm aware of) neither does DH or either of our families, yet my DD is allergic to loads of things. It's so frustrating.

Original poster
MyNameIsRio · 22/06/2013 10:04

Thank you, Edam.

OP posts:
youarewinning · 22/06/2013 10:04

A child who is allergic to something can react differently everytime - A mouthful of milk could cause hive and the next time touching something thats had milk on it could being anaphylatic shock. That's why allergies are so complecated - you cannot predict the outcome.

You do NEED to speak to the teacher and ask school to review their risk assessment. I think because she was OK this time it' a good chance to build a stronger relationship. It's hard teaching a child to ask all the time if they can eat something - but they have to learn.

Panzee · 22/06/2013 10:06

What was in the cake? Do shop bought ones tend to have milk products in? (Dim) If it was home made (I know this one wasn't) it could be Vitalite and not butter? And just cocoa powder for the choc part.

I'm not well up on allergies, sorry. I'm sorry your daughter was ill.

trixymalixy · 22/06/2013 10:06

Oh dear lord. If such idiotic and ignorant attitudes exist on a forum with a higher intelligence than the average population, I quite honestly fear for my child's life. Hmm

HarrySnotter · 22/06/2013 10:07

Kelda there really can't be many people who would ridicule a parent being protective of their child.

Panzee · 22/06/2013 10:07

The reason I'm asking so many questions is that I'm a teacher and would have been mortified if I had done this to anyone.

Bumply · 22/06/2013 10:07

Ds2 is coeliac and he's old enough at 11 to ask/know what's suitable, but at 4 it was a case if never eating anything he was given at school until he'd checked with me. That was safer than getting him to ask "is it ok" and relying on others to know for him.

kelda · 22/06/2013 10:08

HarrySnotter well there seems to be a disporportionate about of them on mumsnet.

trixymalixy · 22/06/2013 10:08

This reply has been deleted

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harverina · 22/06/2013 10:08

Your wrong thesecond - the next exposure to milk could be much, much worse.

No one is saying make a massive fuss, but the op needs to know her child is safe in nursery. What if the teacher had given her a glad of milk because she didn't know or a sandwich with butter? It doesn't matter that the reaction was mild this time. Procedures need to be followed and that is that - of course mistakes happen but they need to be addressed.

The op has already said that her ds has been for regular testing and is still allergic.

worley · 22/06/2013 10:09

Go speak to the head teacher..
The nursery gave ds2 cauliflower cheese for lunch once.. Even though he had a dairy allergy.. Apparently the nursery nurse didn't realise the cheese sauce was made with milk....I went to speak to the manager then. Who was very good and sorted it all out.

frogwatcher42 · 22/06/2013 10:10

I never make choc cake with butter - use some form of marj. Is there dairy in marj (I have no idea). I wouldn't think choc cake would have dairy in to be honest - honest mistake I reckon.

KobayashiMaru · 22/06/2013 10:10

slighty upset

TheSecondComing · 22/06/2013 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frogwatcher42 · 22/06/2013 10:11

Have just looked on my marj that I make cakes with - no mention of milk. It is fats.

Original poster
MyNameIsRio · 22/06/2013 10:11

frog - marg is a dairy product

OP posts:
lljkk · 22/06/2013 10:11

Nearly all margarines have some milk products in them.

I wish people wouldn't say "daily" when they mean "milk". OP hasn't said anything about her child having trouble with eggs, has she?

edam · 22/06/2013 10:12

No problem,mynameis and Imustbe. Astonishing to find such ignorance amongst some parents of kids with allergies - wonder if this is some game of 'my child's allergy is worse than yours, ner ner ner ner ner'.

ConfusedPixie · 22/06/2013 10:12

Each time you are exposed to something you react to you risk a far worse reaction. I think it is something you need to raise with the teacher!

My charge is gluten/dairy/sugar intolerant and a few weeks back ate a vegan biscuit at school.

She told her teacher that she couldn't have it (teacher knows this, has done for the year she's had her!) and the teacher told her "It's okay, there is only a little bit of sugar and wheat in it." Angry Child is 8 but has SEN which makes her younger in some respects and really trusts/idolises her teacher like a younger child would. I can easily imagine it happening with a younger child as well so it is definitely worth pointing it out and reiterating it!

Allergies aren't all very severe either. One of my explorer scouts accidentally touched a vinyl glove not long ago. Has never had more than a 'mild' reaction or rashes and swelling to vinyl before but within minutes she was having an anaphylactic shock. Thankfully she had her epipen on her but it served as a harsh reminder to me as to mild allergies suddenly becoming significantly more serious!

edam · 22/06/2013 10:13

lljkk, eggs are not dairy. They may come from farms but they are not made from milk. People say 'dairy' to try to explain that it is not just milk, it is butter and cream etc. etc. etc.

Bonkerz · 22/06/2013 10:13

I would be fuming if this happened to my ds. He has a dairy allergy...... His reaction cannot be seen.....his bowel swells and swallows itself causing constipation that if not unblocked ( we OD on lactulose and juice etc) could mean an operation to straighten his bowel. His tummy distends and he can be in pain for days and his skin reacts after he finally poos and he can react this way for up to two weeks. The last time this happened it was from a piece of choc cake less than a cm in size!

HarrySnotter · 22/06/2013 10:13

I don't really see that on here Kelda I think a vast majority of people on here are very protective of their children, it's a natural way to feel.

Some seem to either misunderstand the allergy issue or feel that their own experience with their own allergic child has any bearing on the OPs childs reaction, which of course it doesn't. I think most people realise that allergies affect people in different ways.

drinkyourmilk · 22/06/2013 10:14

Allergies are not necessarily straight forward. I have an allergy to kiwi and mango. Some times I eat it and I'm fine, just a bit of eczema. Sometimes if I have it its a full on asthma type reaction requiring a blue light A&E visit.
Obviously I avoid them, but sometimes even adults get caught out.