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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?

443 replies

jellysandwich · 20/06/2013 14:17

I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).

Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?

OP posts:
5madthings · 21/06/2013 13:04

domestic I agree having five means I see that the differences are down to them being individuals with different personalities, not to do with their sex. My four boys are all very distinct people with their own likes and dislikes, ditto dd is her own person with likes and dislikes.

We have tried hard not to fall for gender stereotyping our children, I certainly don't feel that now I have a girl I should embrace all things pink and 'girly'! We already had toy dolls and a cooker and fairies and lots of dress up stuff and things that are seen as 'girls' toys. Dd's fave toys are dinosaurs.... Ds3's fave toys are fairies...

musicposy · 21/06/2013 13:19

Well, OP, I'm once of the people you talk of (prepares to be flamed). I only wanted girls. I really, really did not want a boy. If I'd had 6 children I'd have wanted 6 girls. I was genuinely worried when pregnant as I thought I would not be able to love a boy.

I can't really tell you why I was so keen for girls as DD2 in particular loves all things traditionally boyish and eschews anything pink and fluffy - which I'm absolutely fine with - in fact I'm proud of her independence and refusal to be stereotyped. Maybe I just have some deep seated issues!

In any case, I'm sure I would have loved a boy in reality, and when it came to I would have been fine. But I never got a chance to find out. I have two girls Grin. I am very much a smug mother of girls . So we do exist. One of my friends is much the same.

But amongst my group of friends, I wouldn't say we are in the majority. One of my friends wanted a boy so much, got a girl and has sadly never really bonded with her properly. She went on to have a boy and he is so much the favoured child it breaks your heart to see how the girl is completely ignored and borderline neglected.

I don't think you can generalise, probably.

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 13:20

fenton - given the the whole vibe of this thread sorry, but it wasn't obvious. you should have included a grin! Grin

but now I get it - thanks for clarifying! Grin

Bumpsadaisie · 21/06/2013 13:26

Not me. I always wanted loads of boys. When DD came along as my first I was momentarily disappointed.

I have one of each now and think that is perfect!

farewellfigure · 21/06/2013 13:46

Sorry stuntgirl. I knew as soon as I'd typed it that I was just conforming to stereotypes. I just wanted to stress the point that I would have loved a daughter as much as a son no matter what they would be like or what they wanted to play with. I talk to DS about fairies, he had a baby doll and a kitchen... honestly, I'm not into forcing gender on anyone. Sorry Sad

runes · 21/06/2013 13:59

Fuck me there are some depressing attitudes on this thread. My babies are the most perfect creations known to mankind, this has nowt to do with their genitalia, and is completely down to the fact that they are MY beautiful perfect babies. Wtf is wrong with some people Confused

And see this shit about daughters for life, what a load of trunks. Every parent/child relationship is different, we as human beings are all unique you see, and none of us know what the future holds. To have expectations so far into the future before a child is even born is fucking ludicrous!

KitCat26 · 21/06/2013 14:01

I've two DDs.
Both times when pregnant I could only ever picture me being a mum to boys. Both times when they were held up there was a moment of, not disappointment, but oh how do I handle a girl. Very silly really as I probably wouldn't parent any differently.

Halfling · 21/06/2013 14:30

What utter rubbish! Some parents may have a gender preference due to personal reasons or cultural biases (for instance, in India, boys are preferred and there is widespread female foeticide).

However, to make blanket statements like all mums of boys secretly want girls is silly.

I did not care much about the gender (had too many other pregnancy complications to worry about), and I would not change my DS for anything.

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 14:36

for the sake of being ruthlessly honest I will admit that the last week of pg with DS3 I was secretly wishing for a girl.

when he was born and the MW "it's a boy!" I said : "are you sure?"

(cue hysterical laughter from everyone)

It felt strange that it wasn't a girl - in retrospect there was a bit of an expectation from others and also the usual crap of strangers going "I can tell this will be a girl!" so I guess I sort of expected it will be a girl.

my "disappointment" - measuring 1 on 1-10 disappointment scale - lasted for exactly 3 days.
then we finally agreed on his middle name and I felt that King Baby Boy no.3 arrived properly, at last.

I don't feel guilty about that "blip".
I blame it on his unbelievably fast birth and the massive adrenalin rush that left me shaking for 2 days.
I was angry that I gave room for other people's expectations and that I allowed crazy talk to rub off on me, but all is forgiven now.

I never again or before "wished" to have a girl, neither did I "wish" for a boy.
all I ever really hoped for is a healthy child or that I would be given extra strength and grace to bring up one with SN if that's what was supposed to be..

all I ever pray for is that I have the strength and patience, health and energy to be the best mother I can be to my utterly gorgeous batshit crazy children, no matter what.

all I ever regret is that one of my babies didn't make it.
being disappointed by the "wrong gender" does not measure up to the pain of having your heart broken by loosing a child, so while I can just about sympathize with that "if only" feeling, trust me (and others) as long as your child is breathing you have nothing to be disappointed about!

I agree with Expat, ignorance is bliss.long may it last

farewellfigure · 21/06/2013 14:44

amazingmumof6 I feel as though you've just drawn this whole thread nicely to a close. Not that any of us have the power to do that, but your post sums everything up and I'm not sure anyone can do better. Sorry for your loss and you sound as though you have enough strength, patience and energy for all of us.

sonlypuppyfat · 21/06/2013 14:44

My DDs are wonderful I love them with all my heart and soul but my 14yr DS IS THE funniest person in the world he makes me laugh all day long he's the best company ever I wish I had ten of him

LittleNoona · 21/06/2013 14:49

I'd love a boy! There are hardly any boys in our family and I have a girl already so I would be thrilled with a boy

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 15:05

you are so sweet farawell and thank you

it made me well up having to write the last bit. she'd be 4 and I miss her everyday. Sad

MissStrawberry · 21/06/2013 17:35

I am so sorry amazingmumof6.

Never a truer username..

LondonJax · 21/06/2013 22:18

The old chestnut about a daughter being a daughter for life has always made me laugh. I've said numerous times that, if my mum were my neighbour instead of my mum, I'd be one of those people who checked if she was in her garden before I hung my washing out and ,if she was, I'd use the tumble dryer. I tolerate my mum because she's my mum but I don't enjoy her company. We are total opposites in everything and I feel completely drained after an hour or two with her. And I don't actually remember a time when that was different, though I do remember an argument when I was about eleven and my mum saying that I'd always preferred my dad's company to her's. Ironically, the 'daughter is a daughter for life' is one of my mum's favourite sayings, along with 'a girl's best friend is her mother' .... Rolls'eyes, shakes head and walks away muttering to self...

Sopster · 21/06/2013 22:35

I wanted a boy first and got one. He is wonderful. Second time round I didn't mind either way and had a girl. She too is wonderful. If I had a third (I won't be!!) I'd hope for another boy...my experience of both is boys are waaayyy easier!!!

MyBaby1day · 22/06/2013 05:43

I have noticed this too, one person (in the public eye) who I really admire but she had a DD and a DS and it's obvious her DD is her favourite, in so many ways. I also have DFs who prefer their DD/DDs. The Beckhams too, they waited for ages for a girl and now Harper seems both their favourite. But as for me, my dream family is one DS!! Smile

NoGoodAtHousework · 22/06/2013 05:56

Love having a boy and would have another if I could choose. If I have a girl I'm fairly sure shell be a Tom boy as I am not girly at all!

RoadToTuapeka · 22/06/2013 06:15

What a very peculiar thing to think! We found out at 20 weeks that my first was a boy & I must admit it took a little while for me to get my head around idea of having a boy, as had a sister myself & no idea what little boys were about! Didn't find out what second baby would be & I was secretly thrilled he was another boy, love having the two & have never hankered for a girl.

Morloth · 22/06/2013 06:21

Not this woman.

I always 'wanted' (slight preference) boys and got them.

If we had had a girl that would have been just fine as well, but I love my boys, they are just such boys - nothing finer then that slightly sweaty smell of BOY they get at the base of their neck.

Like expat I agree that people need to realised how fucking lucky they are.

whyno · 22/06/2013 06:34

Agree with Tumble. I think women often slightly prefer the idea of a girl but once they've had a boy they change. First time was hoping for a girl, had a boy, and then was a bit sad when I first found out was having a girl. Know lots with similar experiences.

Mothers do often talk about how noisy / messy / accident prone etc their boys are but that's because they are! And we love them like that! Wouldn't have it any other way.

CheerfulYank · 22/06/2013 06:50

I only wanted boys, a house full of boys! I was delighted when I found out DC1 was a boy. :) But now I've got DD (she's three weeks old) and I can't imagine why I ever thought I didn't want a girl. I don't think I'm done having DC, and whatever I get will be lovely.

PorridgeBrain · 22/06/2013 07:03

We actually wanted a boy but when we had a girl we then wanted another girl (which we had) as thought they would be more likely to play together

exoticfruits · 22/06/2013 07:16

Surely there must be more people like me who wanted children, realised it was a 50/50 chance and were quite relaxed and open minded about what they got and didn't want to know in advance?
(And didn't go around thinking they knew that most women really want at least one girl- based on the evidence that they did).

exoticfruits · 22/06/2013 07:17

Just as likely to fight like cat and dog PorridgeBrain. How they get on is the luck of personality.