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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?

443 replies

jellysandwich · 20/06/2013 14:17

I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).

Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?

OP posts:
OnTheNingNangNong · 20/06/2013 22:09

I have boys, I had no preference to the genetetalia they had. I had a mc at 17weeks before I went on to have my boys and all I cared about was bringing them safely into the world.
They wear all colours and I do not see things as 'girls' or 'boys'.

MrsDeVere · 20/06/2013 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintyy · 20/06/2013 22:16

Yes, and where does that leave us who have both sexes.

It is ridiculous (as Biwi said) because op is obviously just being a goady t.

But look at a handful of the replies!!! People obviously are ridiculously prejudiced about something they can do nothing about - namely the sex of their own or anyone else's children. Awful and fascinating at the same time.

charlottehere · 20/06/2013 22:17

I have 3 DDs... I wouldn't have been bothered if I didn't have a boy. I now have a son and am so in love...[netmums] little man. Smile

BegoniaBampot · 20/06/2013 22:18

I'm a mum of boys and don't really like pink, never have. No pink clothes or furnishing here. Nothing to do with having boys though.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2013 22:19

I think it sad that so many people have set views- I wasn't bothered - I just hoped for a healthy child.

RetroRita · 20/06/2013 22:19

I see what you mean now MrsDevere. We're saying the same thing.

BegoniaBampot · 20/06/2013 22:23

"I have ALWAYS wanted boys and only boys and would have been absolutely devastated if I had a girl."

Rollmops - you can angry face me all you want but this is still a ridiculous, insensitive comment. I have a friend who had 3 stillbirths (all girls) who would have just loved to give birth to a living child.

xylem8 · 20/06/2013 22:24

Not wanting to put words in to OPs mouth but this thread seems to have taken a direction that I don't think was intended
It's not about whether mums of boys love their boys.It's not about whether a mum prefers parenting their son or daughter.It's about mothers who do not have a daughter feeling a bit sad they have missed out on something.
I personally have both, but have noticed this.Mums of all boys either admit they would have liked a girl too, or they take a rather militant 'I would not know what to do with a girl'/ 'I hate pink' stance, which makes me think the lady doth protest too much

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/06/2013 22:27

Begonia your poor poor friend Sad

Witchesbrewandbiscuits · 20/06/2013 22:33

hmm I actually get what you mean. I have ds, and having had mc's I obviously would be more than happy to have another ds. however, if I could choose, I would choose a dd. I think in an ideal world, it would be nice to experience both. I think anyone who is honest would say the same. isnt that where 2.4 children comes from? 2 dc, 1 of each? thats not to say ppl arent happy with what they get. having said that, I actually wanted a boy when preg. funny really.

googlyeyes · 20/06/2013 22:37

Yes, it's just so hideously ironic that those who are so angry at the negative generalisations about boys (and grown up sons) merrily a) lap up all the POSITIVE generalisations/ stereotypes about boys b) emphasise how wonderful boys are by making awful negative generalisations about girls.

It's so 'mine's better than yours, na na na'

Crazy

HorryIsUpduffed · 20/06/2013 22:39

My take on the OP was that every boy is a disappointment on some level and every woman would rather have had a daughter instead of each of her sons. Which is so extreme as to be utterly laughable.

And as for "I would have been devastated to have a ..." being barking - well yes. Mental health often deteriorates in pregnancy, and for some women that focuses on the baby's sex as an indicator of its likely personality. That doesn't make very strong gender preference unreal.

RetroRita · 20/06/2013 22:40

Oh Begonia, that puts this nonsense in perspective doesn't it. Sad

DomesticCEO · 20/06/2013 22:41

While you're making daft generalisations googly I would just say I've explicitly not lapped up stereotypes about boys or slagged off girls.

Witches, I really really don't agree with your ideal world comment at all. Personally I love the fact my boys are so so close and I doubt they would have that relationship would have been the same had one of them been a girl. It's deeply patronising to be told I should be disappointed with my family when it couldn't be further from the truth.

morethanpotatoprints · 20/06/2013 22:42

I was happy that all 3 were healthy and couldn't give a stuff what sex they were. although must admit was happy to have a dd after 2 ds but would have been just as happy with another ds.

ladymariner · 20/06/2013 22:46

Haven't read the whole thread because I've read similar ones in the past and they've just pissed me off too much.

So all I'm going to say is this....op, yabvvvvu. I've got a boy, only ever wanted a boy, knew from the minute I found out I was pregnant I was going to have a boy and wouldn't change him for the world.

Each to their own and all that, and yes I repeat I haven't read the whole thread but that opening post is just bollocks.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 20/06/2013 22:56

I live in a household of men and boys. I am a lone female and outnumbered.

I am very happy. I love them all. I don't really see them as boys though. As there seem to be so many of them, and they're all so very different, I see them as individuals rather than an amorphous lump.

I'd love another DC, if we had the money, and having a DD would be wonderful. But having another DS would be wonderful too.

My thoughts on the thread-shooos ....

People are interesting regardless of their gender and none are as interesting as the four that I'm watching develop, hoping that I'm helping them become good people. I'm not sure that gender is a rigid construct. I'm pretty sure that I would parent a daughter as I have our sons. I wish DS3 wouldn't piss on the toilet seat. I have a pink smeg and will wear pink if it is en vogue but tend to avoid it as I don't want to be pigeonholed because for me pink has, in the last 10 years, become a feminist issue. My blush of boys (it is the collective noun) attracts a lot of attention when I'm out with them so have been known to use that we're still trying for a girl to get people to stop asking personal questions or, sometimes, if DH is with us, I like to see him look a little alarmed. I don't really mean it. I am wishing that people I don't know what stop asking me fucking nosey questions.

So in conclusion YABU - not all mothers are the same regardless of the gender of their children. And for me, it does all boil down to wishing DS3 wouldn't piss on the toilet seat in the middle of the night.

googlyeyes · 20/06/2013 22:57

Domestic: I don't think I said everyone had made negative assumptions about girls, but surely hard to argue that many have.

There seems to be a belief that boys are easier, and teen girls are much worse than boys. Utter, utter bollocks. For a start most teen gangs are male-dominated! I know just as many (if not more) mums of boys who have been put through hell

HomeEcoGnomist · 20/06/2013 22:59

I have not read all the responses, but can confirm that your hypothesis is 100% wrong in this household

2 boys and wouldn't change a thing

HTH

gymboywalton · 20/06/2013 23:01

not read all responses but i desperately wanted boys and got them. my two sons are my world. i wouldn't change them for anything.

RetroRita · 20/06/2013 23:05

I think people should read the thread before reiterating the same old 'I would have hated a girl' nonsense and making themselves looking like selfish insensitive twats.

MarianneBrandon · 20/06/2013 23:09

I secretly hoped for a girl when I was pregnant with DS but now I wouldn't change him for the world. If I have another child I would be happy either way. One of each if I have a girl and a younger brother for DS if I have a boy. Win win Smile

yummymumtobe · 20/06/2013 23:21

original poster's question was - if you have a dd and then have another dd would you mind that you hadn't had a ds? I agree with this. I have a dd and always felt that whatever happened and if we managed to have any more children or not, at least I had a dd. I think I'm massively influenced by the fact I have a sister and we are close to each other. My dh has a brother and in his family is mum was/is the servant and watches football without complaint, never buys anything for herself and has given her life over to looking after men. I think it just depends on the examples you have seen. I am
Sure there are other women with all boys who get treated like the queen and don't spend their time pandering to their menfolk and giving up on girly things!

Nancyclancy · 20/06/2013 23:29

I have 3 boys and 1 girl (in that order.) Before dc came along, I always wanted boys and girls. Didn't necessarily have a preference.

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