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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most women would rather have a girl/girls than a boy/boys?

443 replies

jellysandwich · 20/06/2013 14:17

I have read so many posts with pregnant mothers who are upset that they are having a ds and in real life I find that mothers who have all boys or boys first, tend to denigrate them to mums of girls and put their daughters on pedestals. Mums of girls tend to not mind having no boys whereas all boy mums seem to feel sad that they have only boys. I have never come across any women who only wanted boy(s).

Am I right in thinking that most women want to have girls and wouldn't mind having all girls if they have more than one child, whereas boys are almost always seen as second best and not the desired choice of most women?

OP posts:
RetroRita · 20/06/2013 23:30

I don't know why a mother would want to b treated like a queen by her son and husband.

But I'm sure that set up will not mean an easy transition when future DIL's appear on the scene.

StuntGirl · 20/06/2013 23:36

Christ alive. Half of you don't even deserve to have children if these vile opinions are true.

BreatheandFlyAway · 20/06/2013 23:44

I have one of each. Boys are more.. err "lively" esp as toddlers but they are also more straightforward in later years (massive over-generalisation here, derived from my own and friends' experiences Grin). Boys are cuddly, wonderful and sweet - please, no-one be worried about having them! My boy is nearly 10 and still wants cuddles, teddies etc (except when his friends are around, at which point his voice gets all manly and grown up - doting Grin). And my little girl is amazing, sensitive, helps me choose outfits (unasked Hmm) and incredibly rewarding and in such a completely different way from ds, I now KNOW men and women are from different planets!

5madthings · 21/06/2013 00:05

breathe all that you describe is because your two children are different people... Not because of gender.

My ds1 was never 'lively' and still isn't at 13, ds2 was and still is, ds3 and ds4 are somewhere in between, dd is like ds2.

Ds3 is into clothes and likes nice clothes for himself and talks about mine and dad's clothes. Ds1 is clueless when it cones to clothes.

Three of my boys are cuddly and so is dd, they all have cuddly toys they take to bed, even ds1!

They have wide and varied interests, such as football, Lego, science, dinosaurs, fairies, fashion, music, superheros, bugs and animasld etc, these interests are not dictated by gender but because they are all individuals.

I hate stereotyoing by gender, I am lucky enough to be blessed with five children, I never cared what gender I got and I don't treat them differently because of their gender, I treat them as individuals regardless of their gender.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2013 00:07

I have one of each left to me. Just happy to have any of them at all, tbh, so YABU.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2013 00:09

I agree, Stunt. My boy is hard work, but he is a sweet, cuddly bundle of boy, a boy who has seen more than his share for his short years. Just a little boy. I wouldn't trade him, and am lucky to have him.

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 00:09

had 5 boys then DD came along.

now everyone assumes we "kept going on till we had a girl"

bollocks to that

love my boys, love my girl
end of

BreatheandFlyAway · 21/06/2013 00:11

Fair point, 5madthings. I hate the idea of gender stereotyping but I do see differences derived from gender - but of course that's a matter of perception.

5madthings · 21/06/2013 00:12

amazing I get that assumption as well, this bollicks, we wanted four, dd was a bit if a bonus baby and I didn't care what gender I got. If we could afford to I would have another and I wouldn't care what gender I got.

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 00:12

friend of ours have 5 girls.

they are sweet now, but noooo way I'd want another 5 women in the house with PMS!

BreatheandFlyAway · 21/06/2013 00:12

PS I mean everyone's different personal perception

5madthings · 21/06/2013 00:13

Its bollocks that should say.

breathe you see differences because people are individuals, you attribute them to gender, that doesn't mean its because of gender, part of out is social conditioning.

WildThongsHeartString · 21/06/2013 00:15

What a lot of shite op Smile

So happy with my boy. Never been that comfortable with little girls, didn't even particularly enjoy being one!

chillinwithmyyonis · 21/06/2013 00:15

I'm pretty sure all the posters like myself who have one or more of each gender think is one crazy fucked up thread, madness I tell yer!

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 00:17

5mad

bollicks is better!Grin

chubbychipmonk · 21/06/2013 00:17

I dont think YABU, I have 2 DS and am desperate for a girl! Obv love my DSs to bits but desire for a girl will never go away.

I felt awful guilt after my second DS was born as when they said 'its another boy' my heart literally sank for a second whereas if they'd said 'its a girl' I know I would've felt over the moon.

You only have to look at the huge amount of gender disappointment threads on here to see that it's mostly mothers of boys who crave a girl, very seldom threads the other way round.

5madthings · 21/06/2013 00:21

When my dd was born the first thing I said was "is it alright" the same as when I had my four boys, I didn't care about the gender.

I think if you have a gender preference you need to look at yourself and ask why tbh, a child is an individual regardless of gender, you get what you get.

expatinscotland · 21/06/2013 00:24

I think it's just ignorant. Lots of people, thankfully, don't know how lucky they are. Hope it stays that way for them, I really do. Their ignorance is the greatest boon they will never know.

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 00:25

I'd like two more children.
just because.

but a tiny voice in my head is going "have another baby -that would shut those idiots up! how dare they assume anything? or say that now I can stop now! Angry "

that of course would not be a good enough reason to have a baby ( although better than ONS), but maybe YSWIM

expatinscotland · 21/06/2013 00:25

Well, there you go (reads rest of thread). Ignorance is bliss!

5madthings · 21/06/2013 00:31

I totally know that feeling of thinking I should have another just to shut up the people that think we kept going to get a girl! Or that we should be done now! But that would be draft, we can't afford it, but if we could I would have one more.

And yes expat people need to step back and realize how lucky they are. I certainly feel very blessed.

amazingmumof6 · 21/06/2013 00:34

also sometimes I feel like saying to people:
"look, my 5th pg ended in MC. it was a girl.
it made me think that maybe I can't carry girls. but I still chose to get pg 2 more times.
is that enough proof for you that I didn't keep going hoping to have a girl?
now can you shut the fuck up and crawl back in your cave you fuckwit?!"

but I don't say that.

baskingseals · 21/06/2013 00:38

I am lucky enough to have one girl and two boys. If I was to have just one more, I would be delighted with either gender, but if pushed would have a preference for a boy.

Also agree with expat.

StuntGirl · 21/06/2013 00:42

"I think it's just ignorant. Lots of people, thankfully, don't know how lucky they are. Hope it stays that way for them, I really do. Their ignorance is the greatest boon they will never know."

QFT.

Kewcumber · 21/06/2013 01:06

I had a designer baby (kinda) I chose to have a boy - despite being a single mother. Not sure quite how that fits in with op's theory. I would desperately have loved a second of either sex but illness intervened.

it is a huge privilege to be the parent to a child - whether it has a willy or not seems of secondary importance. Anyone who is disappointed in the sex of their child should lob them in my direction, I'm not fussy.