AIBU to act like a petulant child & refuse to go to my own birthday party?

[SBAustralia]

OK, so back story here...
It was my birthday & hubby asked what I wanted to do. We hadn't done anything with extended family for ages so I suggested a family dinner at this new French Bistro style restaurant that has been getting amazing reviews (from both professionals & regular diners). He agreed. I wrote out a guest list & he booked a big table & sent out invitations. About a week before the dinner he told me that his very high maintenance, very whiney sister is complaining that there's only one place she will eat at in town (the same place we go every single time there is a family function because she chucks a tantrum if we don't) & if we don't go there she won't come to the party & as she was the one who will be bringing Nanna & Poppy they won't be able to come either. DH, bless him, instead of telling her to grow up & stop being a bitch, told her he would "sort it out" with me. I told him "fuck her, I'll get my parents to bring his Nanna & Poppy" & thought that was the end of it. Not so. The day before the dinner I called the restaurant to ask if I my friend can bring a pram in (some places won't allow it due to NSW fire safety regulations) only to be told that the booking was cancelled during the week. I was furious!

So instead of getting mad & yelling I pretended I had no idea of any change. I did however make a reservation for ONE at the original restaurant. On the night of the dinner I dropped hubby at the old standard, told him I loved him & I'll see him later but I'm having dinner where I want to have dinner on my birthday!

Now, according to his family, I am juvenile & selfish. They want an apology. So I'm wondering, do I apologise for being so passive agressive (not normally my style) & explain that I was angry that MY birthday plans had been hijacked by their daughter & her own childish & selfish demands or do I tell them to fuck off?

[GiveMumABreak]

OP sat in a restaurant, all alone, on her birthday! How on earth does that make her a winner?

[ZillionChocolate]

I think you were a but unreasonable but were provoked. Hardly fair to the rest of your friends/family who wanted to celebrate your birthday with you. Responsibility lies with DH.

[MrsGeologist]

YANBU that is genius. I hope he's given you a suitably grovelling apology.

Also, birthday person's choice is just the convention and if your SIL is fussy, that's her problem. She can have a sandwich when she gets home.

[dreamingbohemian]

Basically I think this is one of those things that sounds better in theory than practice. I mean, yes, you got your point across, but at what cost?

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

who cancelled the booking?

[snuffaluffagus]

Your husband cancelled the booking without telling you? I take it your original restaurant no longer had space for you all otherwise you'd have swapped it back?

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Did DH cancel the booking or someone else?

[diddl]

His family want an apology?

I agree.they should get one-from the husband for being so pathetic where his sister is concerned.

But what about your family, OP-I hope you told them beforehand what was happening?

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

Both DH and I vote for you telling them to fuck off and look to SIL for an apology! Spoilt little brat. What did your spineless DH have to say about it?

[Binkybix]

YANBU to want to eat in the restaurant of your choice, but you were being unreasonable not to tell your DH in no uncertain terms to change the booking back again for everyone, and fuck what his sister wants.

No way would I put up with this level of patheticness (sic) from DH!

[SBAustralia]

They are gaining popularity & it was a Saturday night so I could only get a table for one or two at such short notice
I did enjoy my dinner though. DH & I are going next weekend when my Mum has the kids. The food was amazing & the waiters knew what had happened so put a candle in my dessert & gave me free bubbles!
Hubby is normally quite assertive but not with his sister. There are 6 kids...she is the youngest & the only girl so she gets away with murder. She is 23 but acts like she's 13. I love her dearly but she needs to grow up!
I've decided that I will explain why I did what I did. I will apologise for not putting my foot down & not making my wishes clear to them ahead of time & let them know that if DH & I make arrangements in the future they can either fit in or fuck off.

[Binkybix]

I would have changed the date of my birthday meal and made sure everyone knew why!

[SBAustralia]

I sent Mum an apology text. She was fine. Thought it was fucking hilarious & sent me the following text:

Lynne & Bill (MIL & FIL) just realised you not here. 20 mins in. Wish you could see their faces. Love you. xo

[MummyPigsFatTummy]

But SB - what about your friends and family? Did they not mind that they ended up having your birthday dinner without you?

[diddl]

So he didn't tell you that he'd changed it & you only found out by chance?

TBH, I wouldn't be eating there with him, he doesn't deserve it!

[MummyPigsFatTummy]

oops x-post!

[YouTheCat]

Your mum sounds great.

[TerraNotSoFirma]

Who made the cancellation? DH or his sister?

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I love that even your parents rocked up to the other birthday meal when you weren't there. What did the in laws say?

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

What did DH say for that matter?

[scarletforya]

Ha, well done OP.

The sister sounds like an annoying brat!

[BiddyPop]

I love the way you handled it as a way to show people you meant business.

But I wonder who cancelled the original booking though - your DH or SIL? And consequently made the arrangements in the standard place, and told everyone else where to go now that it was changed?

Whoever THAT person was, definitely owes you a MASSIVE apology. And if it was DH, I hope he understands to never make changes without consulting you again on plans you have previously agreed. Especially when they are about celebrating something for you.

Apart from your Mum's reaction (love it), how did everyone else react? Esp DH, PIL and SIL.

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

hmm. i don't think this is that cool. who cancelled the booking? why not tell your own friends and family? i don't really get it. i think it sounds like your DH needs a tremendous kick up the arse but it doesn't seem like he got that at all.

[EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo]

I would have cancelled the table at SIL favourite restaurant and not told them.

Your Mum sounds lovely :)

[digerd]

I am gobsmacked. Your birthday and sil throws an almighty I'm more important than you strop and your DH cancels your table booking to please sis?. How on earth can you love her? .
The whole family owe you an apology . Especially your DH .