AIBU to act like a petulant child & refuse to go to my own birthday party?

[SBAustralia]

OK, so back story here...
It was my birthday & hubby asked what I wanted to do. We hadn't done anything with extended family for ages so I suggested a family dinner at this new French Bistro style restaurant that has been getting amazing reviews (from both professionals & regular diners). He agreed. I wrote out a guest list & he booked a big table & sent out invitations. About a week before the dinner he told me that his very high maintenance, very whiney sister is complaining that there's only one place she will eat at in town (the same place we go every single time there is a family function because she chucks a tantrum if we don't) & if we don't go there she won't come to the party & as she was the one who will be bringing Nanna & Poppy they won't be able to come either. DH, bless him, instead of telling her to grow up & stop being a bitch, told her he would "sort it out" with me. I told him "fuck her, I'll get my parents to bring his Nanna & Poppy" & thought that was the end of it. Not so. The day before the dinner I called the restaurant to ask if I my friend can bring a pram in (some places won't allow it due to NSW fire safety regulations) only to be told that the booking was cancelled during the week. I was furious!

So instead of getting mad & yelling I pretended I had no idea of any change. I did however make a reservation for ONE at the original restaurant. On the night of the dinner I dropped hubby at the old standard, told him I loved him & I'll see him later but I'm having dinner where I want to have dinner on my birthday!

Now, according to his family, I am juvenile & selfish. They want an apology. So I'm wondering, do I apologise for being so passive agressive (not normally my style) & explain that I was angry that MY birthday plans had been hijacked by their daughter & her own childish & selfish demands or do I tell them to fuck off?

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

[pigletmania]

Next year organise a meal where you want, invite who you want, not in laws and enjoy. No reason to invite them, especially the purtulant child.

[EldritchCleavage]

Stop inviting your in-laws to things. They are rude and overbearing and don't deserve your hospitality.

[diddl]

Well I suppose it was rude not to turn up.

But when did your husband tell you, OP?

Why did you drive him to the other place instead of going to the restaurant as you thought was still going to happen?

I do agree that I would have told my friends & family it was cancelled & rebook for ASAP.

I'd have had a lovely meal alone at the place I wanted & husband could have the meal with his family as he obviously wanted.

I'd lose so much respect for him & wonder why he had so little for me, though.

[Badvoc]

Your dh went to your b day meal with all his family without you?
Is that right?
And you then sat alone in a restaurant on your b day?
Your problem is not your sil.

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

amen to that, badvoc.

[hamilton75]

Bloody fantastic OP

I wish I had your balls.

[Badvoc]

Yeah.
Great result!
Sat alone whilst her family and friends were at another venue with her dh!

[mosuzu]

Haven't read the whole thread but good on you. The SIL was being a brat and you DH should have told her to fuck off.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

I so desperately want to say you're juvenile for standing everyone else up at the other restaurant, but I'm way too much in awe of you for a) NOT throwing the most almighty hissy fit at someone else (presumably the brat from hell SIL) cancelling your booking for your restaurant of choice and b) having the cojones to do what you did.

I think, on balance, YANBU. Or at least YANB-any-more-unreasonable-than-the-deranged-SIL.

[EuphemiaLennox]

All seems a rather odd way to address the central difficulty which is your relationship with your DH.

On finding that he'd cancelled a booking without telling you, an almighty great row discussion would have been in order with you telling him under no circumstances would you be changing your plans and he could either support this or face the repurcussions of this on your relationship.

Or, on then finding that your DH then continues to choose to go to the venue you don't want without you on your birthday,nthere should have been more strong words about what this says about your marriage.

This seems like an elaborate way to avoid a serious issue.

I agree your SIL is not your problem here.

I also agree I'd be pissed off if I was your friend and you didn't turn up.
I also have better things to do than get involved in elaborate power play between two people who should have just sorted this out between them at home.

[MatersMate]

Who cancelled the booking OP???

[EuphemiaLennox]

Even if SIL cancelled the booking OPs DH should still have said 'I'm spending my wife's birthday with her, doing what she wants, don't ever interfere in my arrangements again.'

The fact he'd go along with her crazy weirdness rather than do what his wife wants for her birthday is THE MASSIVE problem for the OP in comparison to her unhinged SIL.

If he doesn't automatically see this, then he's a tosser, and this needs pointing out to him and addressing directly rather than staging an elaborate scenario invoking lots of uninvolved people, embarrassment, and further hostility.

[Orianne]

What did your DH say when you got home?

[McNewPants2013]

If you was my friend I would be very pissed off, the reason being arranging childcare to celebrate your birthday with you would have been a waste of time and money.

[SauvignonBlanche]

What did your DH say?

[Dackyduddles]

You rock

Your dh does not.

[Salmotrutta]

Goodness.

[quesadilla]

I'm in awe of your cohones, I have always dreamed about being able to stand up to control freaks and selfish bastards like this...

But it has to be said it was a bit crap to basically rope all your mates and family into a family row: they will have had to pay for a meal with your husband's parents... How random and annoying would that be.

Could you not have tipped them off?

[Salmotrutta]

I think this is an odd thread.

It all seems very unfortunate.

[ChasedByBees]

Gah I need to know who cancelled the dinner. It is kind of crucial to the story. And as others have said, at what point and by whom, we're you informed that you were going to crappy same-old place?

I'd have been furious and shouted a lot I think.

[TidyDancer]

YANBU to do this to your SIL, but YABU to do it to your wider family and friends. I think that was unfair. They made the effort to go and weren't to know about all the drama.

[MakeGlutenFreeHay]

I got the impression that it was her DH that cancelled it - and that it was extended family rather than family and friends (apart from the one with the buggy - who she may have told not to come, I don't know). As it was the day before the party she couldn't have rebooked for more than two.

I think it's a lot better than many ways of handling it, and I presume she's had the talking-about-sil stuff many times before, which clearly hasn't worked. This certainly gets the point across! I suppose friends would who were there would have noticed a lot quicker than DH's family that she was not there and therefore had the choice of whether or not to stay.

[wineandroses]

Hmm. All seems a bit unlikely actually. Who sits in a restaurant on their own whilst family and friends are elsewhere, just to make a point?