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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how some people become so supremely confident and full of themselves?

119 replies

MrsRhysMeyers · 17/06/2013 16:28

And I mean this as a genuine question. I am fascinated.

I know a few people that are totally uber confident; they think they are more beautiful than others, and that they are totally great and that they are always right. Think along the lines of that girl in the Big Brother house that is spending 18k per month on rent!

I'm wondering if it's down to being spoilt as a child, or having really doting parents that tell them every 5 minutes how beautiful and wonderful they are? Or if they're just born that way?

I would describe myself as a confident person in that I'm happy with myself and in my own skin. I'm not loud though, or the life and soul of the party, and I certainly don't think I am better than everyone else and that the world had better sit up and listen to me.

OP posts:

ghayes · 17/06/2013 16:29

Where is she living to be spending that much on rent?

Original poster

MrsRhysMeyers · 17/06/2013 16:31

God knows! London I guess. She is very rich and receives massive monthly allowances from her parents.

It's her confidence and arrogance though that I'm referring to. I don't understand how someone reaches quite that level of confidence.

OP posts:

ghayes · 17/06/2013 16:34

Was it this girl? I've never heard of her. Is she a celebrity?

CocacolaMum · 17/06/2013 16:36

I dunno who the BB girl is but I want to see what costs 18k a month to rent!

I really don't know the answer to your question but it fascinates me. I can appear outwardly confident but trust me, my insecurities could eat me alive if I let them.

I don't know many people who manage to convince themselves that they perfect let alone the world but I do know people who exude a confidence and a way of carrying themselves which makes a mark on others - my sister does this, to the world she is a very funny, beautiful woman but to herself she's incapable, needs make up to leave the house and is far less intelligent than those around her.

There are of course those who would say that the people who shout loudest sometimes have the least to say?

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 17/06/2013 16:36

She's the type of girl you see in Made in Chelsea.

Vickibee · 17/06/2013 16:38

the contestants on the Apprentice are like this, I call it conceited and arrogant. They are not as good as they say as thay fail at Lord Sugar's tasks. They talk a good game

FoundAChopinLizt · 17/06/2013 16:38

They listen to Paul McKenna's

'I can make you confident'

Every morning?

Original poster

MrsRhysMeyers · 17/06/2013 16:42

Yes, definitely like the Made in Chelsea and Apprentice lot! Totally arrogant.

I know a woman who is mid thirties. She is pretty but I'd say averagely pretty, certainly no prettier than many other woman, and there is nothing that particularly stands out about her.

Yet she is so arrogant full of self belief that she has managed to convince so many people that she is gorgeous and amazing, and has people hanging onto her every word. She is very opinionated, and no one ever really questions her or challenges her, and she posts photo after photo of herself on facebook and has reams of people queueing up to tell her how beautiful she is and how amazing she looks. During her recent pregnancy we were treated to daily - yup, daily - bump photos for 9 months.

I think she has such a high level of confidence that people assume she must be something special.

OP posts:

digerd · 17/06/2013 16:58

Anybody who brags , is just a show-off and is not a popular trait. Add arrogance to this manner and is downright unpleasant.
Some people are covering up their insecurities, especially the OTT displays of confidence.

Don't understand this need to feel better than everyone else or anyone else either.

Nagoo · 17/06/2013 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 17/06/2013 17:09

Tis usually lack of confidence deep down - worked with someone like this, and one day one of our newer colleagues said she wished she was as confident as he was.

About 5 of us said at once "but he's not, it's all a big cover up"! as we had worked with him for years and knew it was all hot air.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 17/06/2013 17:13

Yes Bottom was just going to say that many times it is all hot air and bravado. I know someone just like this and it's laughable. People do laugh at her. I think it must be exhausting keeping that up and all for what? To be sniggered at? Very sad.

tipp2chicago · 17/06/2013 17:23

The only person I know of who is like this is my boss. He is NEVER wrong - even though he hasn't a clue what actually happens around here day-to-day. He certainly makes me inclined to believe that old trope about most leading business persons having at least some of the characteristics of psychopathy. There are days where if you told him your desk was brown, he would tell you it was blue, and be 100% sure he was right. Everything he has ever done was amazing - in his own mind. And his driving is a sight to behold - again, even when overtaking dangerously and being flashed at by oncoming traffic "they don't know what my car can do, and I do". He really does not believe that he can ever do anything wrong.

Needless to say, I am doing my best to get out of here.

tipp2chicago · 17/06/2013 17:24

But, to answer the question, no, I don't know how he got to be like that, though evidently he was a late baby, and has been known to refer to himself as "the miracle child", which I think says it all.

FreckledLeopard · 17/06/2013 17:35

My mother is like this. She has supreme self confidence, is convinced that she is the most beautiful/attractive person in the room, has never in her life had a moment's self doubt and she manages to project this image to the outside world, so, for example, she has always has people wanting to do things for her, marry her, be friends with her. She can't understand how anyone can be different to her and therefore is bemused if I'm ever lacking confidence or self esteem.

God knows where she gets it from. Unfortunately she didn't pass this on to me

arabesque · 17/06/2013 17:38

I've often wondered about this as well. It's rarely the genuinely beautiful or talented or highly intelligent people who behave like this; but usually people who are quite average but seem convinced that they're better than everyone else. I agree that with some people it's just a cover up but with others it seems to be a genuine belief. I dunno. Maybe they believed their deluded parents when they told them they were the bestest, most prettiest, most cleverest little diddums in the world.

WilsonFrickett · 17/06/2013 17:48

Aren't you confusing confidence with arrogance though? I am a very confident person - although in no way is this based on my looks! I'm not all that. But I'm very confident in my own worth and abilities.

I became this way because I either had no help/support/compliments/praise from my DM, or too much of the 'golden child' variety from my DGM. I worked out pretty quickly that there had to be a middle way, and that would have to come from me. My self-talk is pretty much entirely positive. Even when I've failed (and I've failed a lot) I think I have a good knack of taking the positives out of the situation.

I also firmly believe that women in general have to become more confident and vocal about their abilities. But again, I absolutely don't mean that should be based on their looks or perceived attractiveness, but on what they do.

HugAMoo · 17/06/2013 18:06

I find it's a very British thing to dislike confidence. In my experience if someone is confident and comfortable in their own skin a lot of people can be jealous if they don't have a lot of self belief themselves.

If you look at other countries, Italy and Spain for example, there are SO many people who are full of confidence!

Original poster

MrsRhysMeyers · 17/06/2013 18:09

I don't think anyone has said they don't like it, HugAMoo, it's more a case of how do these people develop that fullness of confidence in the first place?

OP posts:

Vickibee · 17/06/2013 18:11

there is a balance between being quietly confident and telling everyone how fantastic you are. I am incredibly shy and terrible at blowing my own trumpet. Wish confidence could be learned

HugAMoo · 17/06/2013 18:19

What I find too is that super confident people manage to convince the world that they are beautiful/wonderful/amazing even if they are not particularly. And they want their own way all the time, and usually get it.
I'm wondering if it's down to being spoilt as a child, or having really doting parents that tell them every 5 minutes how beautiful and wonderful they are? Or if they're just born that way?

^^ well this doesn't sound like you're too impressed with people who have confidence..

wamabama · 17/06/2013 18:19

Confidence is a fantastic trait to have and one we all should have. Confidence is very attractive.

Arrogance and narcissism are entirely different and definitely not attractive traits to have.

There's a fine line between the two. Mainly it's just that arrogant self obsessed people don't see beyond themselves, everything is about them and they think they're the best in the world. Confident people are just genuinely happy being who they are and are able to hold no reservations and go at life. But I can see how the two are mixed up.
I envy confident people and wish I was.

I think some self obsessed people have personality disorders. Others are deeply insecure and mask it with this big facade. And yes I do think some just aren't used to people saying no due to being spoilt as a child. Either way their personality is ugly and most people just laugh behind their backs anyway. I pity them really.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 17/06/2013 18:23

What's that rather salient quotation?

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt"

TheRealFellatio · 17/06/2013 18:25

I have known a few people like the ones you describe and they really get on my tits. I think it's great to have self-confidence but too much is a very unattractive thing. These people are usually quite deluded and narcissistic, I find.

redrubyshoes · 17/06/2013 18:35

I have a friend like this and I do laugh quietly when she talks about the problems of 'being beautiful'. In her wedding album there are THREE pictures of her and her new husband together. The rest are a VAST selection of her posing in full model mode and pouting at the camera and staring moodily into the distance.

All the uber confident people I have worked with are without exception crap at their jobs and nick other peoples ideas and steal thunder whenever they can. The sad thing is bosses fall for it most of the time.

Yes, you the total cow who won an award at the AGM I am looking at you - you stole, lied and cheated and I have met several variations of you over the years. Identical characters to a tee.

They tend to change jobs with monotonous regularity when they are about to be found out. This is also a character trait.

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