To not join in with the work place calorie fest...

[BridgetBidet]

I've returned to work fairly recently after maternity leave. I put a lot of weight on when I was pregnant, I've lost a couple of stones and still have a couple to go so I am dieting and exercising. I'm still officially classed as being somewhat overweight so I am trying to do this for health reasons rather than out of vanity.

Anyway, a woman started work in my department and she is MASSIVE, really unhealthily obese. But she's also a feeder, big style. The other girls in the department have noticeably put on weight since she started and the girl who sits next to her - in the space of my maternity leave she has gone from a size 8 to a size 18.

All this seems to be happening because the big girl is determined to feed everybody up and make them as big as her. They go out every single day (and I mean every day) to eat fast food at lunch time and every day she is pushing cakes, crisps, donuts and biscuits on you.

This is all well and good and it's their business what they eat and how much they weigh. But the problem is I don't want to do this. I don't want to eat fast food every day and I don't want to spend all day every day stuffing my face with biscuit and cake. Now this wouldn't be a problem but the big girl is getting really nasty about this and taking it as a personal snub, to the extent that my boss has told me she has complained to her that I am not working as one of the team and am removing myself from the teams group by refusing to take part in the lunches out etc. I don't mind going once a week but the last time I did this they wouldn't really talk to me because they seemed to take the attitude that if I wasn't good enough for them the rest of the week then they didn't want me there on one day. They seem to be equating my refusal to pig out with snobbery and thinking that I'm better than them but I really don't care what they do, I just prefer to be healthier.

The big girl in particular seems to be getting really angry about this, she really seems to have a mission to feed everybody up, I think it makes her feel better about her own weight to have other people around her be fat and having someone lose weight reminds her of her own shortcomings and frustrates her.

So am IBU, am I alienating myself from the team for the sake of something that's not worth it, should I just join in? Or am I right not to join in with the pigging out and stand my ground even though it's making my life uncomfortable. I feel like I can't tackle her direct about this as acknowledging the fact that she is big would be hurtful and make me look like a cow.

I could go from an 8 to an 18 in a year no problem, unfortunately. I think a lot of women could TBH.

could go from an 8 to an 18 in a year no problem, unfortunately. I think a lot of women could TBH.

really that is 9ish stones

Say you have irritable bowel syndrome and can't eat shit food. But do go along to the lunches, choose a healthy option.

Looking at her and the way she is and declining would make me feel much better about refusing. Bring in your own food and just say no tank you, I have brought my own. Like someone has suggested, tell her you have digestive problems which are worsened by wheat or starch

Why should she lie? If she doesn't want to eat shit food, she should say so.

I'm on a healthy eating plan at the moment and I just say 'no thank you' when offered something I don't want to eat.

It's called being an adult.

Re the size 8 to 18 thing, I moved jobs to a place with a big "cake and biscuits" culture, and went up a dress size in a month, so if I'd not stopped and reassessed my eating, I can easily see going up 5 sizes in 14 months is possible.

It's hard when there's am office feeder, because it's hard to reject the food without looking like you are rejecting them/ their kindness. For the lunch time treats out, blame poverty. As the weather is improving, is there open space nearby you could suggest you all go for a picnic (say you've got your sarnies already, do they want to get take away and join you?). You can also take in healthy treats like strawberries this time of year. Don't get fat just to join in, it is hard to say no, but be friendly with it.

Its not always 9 stone when I weigh in at about 9 stone I'm about a size 8 when I was fat and struggling to do up a size 18 pair of trousers and burst into tears in the fitting room ( pilot) I weighed 13 and a half stone.

really that is 9ish stones

Not really- I am a size 8/10 at 10 stone and would be a size 14 at 11.5-12 stone, so probably an 18 at 14 stone, so 4 stone difference. Maybe 8-18 is an exaggeration but 10-16 would be totally feasible.

I once put on a stone in a 6 week internship - sedentary lifestyle and lots of office treats plus free canteen serving chips and pies.

Btw, I dont think anyone who brings in cakes on their birthday is a "feeder". It's people who constantly press food onto others, and don't accept a polite "no thank you. I just had lunch" or whatever.

The big girl in particular seems to be getting really angry about this, she really seems to have a mission to feed everybody up, I think it makes her feel better about her own weight to have other people around her be fat and having someone lose weight reminds her of her own shortcomings and frustrates her.

Very likely, but be aware that someone who gets to this size probably has some sort of issue that governs her relationship with food - it may be out of her conscious control.

JuicySteak

Right, because she'd have to be obese to dislike fat shamming? I'm underweight and I find the language used in OP to be bitchy and unnecessary.

I could also easily go up 5 dress sizes in a year eating that sort of high sugar, high carb shite all day at work - it's about 5 stone on me.

What sort of places are they going OP? If you can persuade them to go to GBK then you could get something like a bunless chicken breast burger with salad and homeslaw for lots of protein and very little carbs and fat. Lots of pub chains have meals under 500 calories marked on the menu etc.

Forget the calories. Who the hell can afford to eat out every day like that?

I would beg off due to money and crap food.

She sounds unpleasant. However I would go with them from time to time (just have a coffee or a salad) so you don't seem standoffish.

We have a culture of going for expensive team lunches once a week. Some people just have a juice or a fruit salad. Others bring sandwiches and eat them discretely. It's all fine. The important thing is that people come, not what they eat.

Agreed.
"I'm underweight (I myself, am not obese) and I find the language used in OP to be bitchy and unnecessary".

Tell her you only really like healthy food so A) if they go somewhere that can offer healthy food, you will join in and B) if the lady bought in healthy snacks, you might have one. However you don't want to eat things that are bad for you - what others eat is their business. You also can't afford to eat out everyday.

My old boss was a feeder, she hated me and commented on the fact I was thin after having babies.

She spent all day either talking about what cakes she was making, trying to get us to eat the cakes she brought in most days, what diet she was on or how she was getting on saving up for her stomach stapling op. I shit you not. She had issues going on.

I think that as a colleague is causing trouble for OP to the extent that the manager is having words; then it must be very hard for the OP not to use bitchy language aimed at that colleague though...

(and I'm overweight)

That is a scary amount of food.

I don't think anyone in my work is a feeder. Lots of people bring in cakes/biscuits etc, sometimes for birthdays, sometimes just random, but nobody forces anyone to eat it!

However when a colleague caused trouble for me at work i did manage to avoid personal comments about her, and focused only on her behaviour.

I agree with Chipping. I'm actually skinny (well, I call myself skinny-fat since I'm not at all toned, and worse, not at all fit!)

But the comments on here are really wrong. I tried to post a tactful post about mum (who isn't overweight FWIW) But the 'spoken by a truly obese person' was just nasty.

I don't think OP was being derogatory but some of these comments are shocking.

Especially because whenever a man's weight is mentioned it's his clothes size or 'beer gut,' not these sort of comments.

And I'm all for brutal honesty even if it's rude... Not nastiness though.

I do retain my opinion she is a bully however. Whether this is related to her weight or not, I can't know obviously.