To not join in with the work place calorie fest...

[BridgetBidet]

I've returned to work fairly recently after maternity leave. I put a lot of weight on when I was pregnant, I've lost a couple of stones and still have a couple to go so I am dieting and exercising. I'm still officially classed as being somewhat overweight so I am trying to do this for health reasons rather than out of vanity.

Anyway, a woman started work in my department and she is MASSIVE, really unhealthily obese. But she's also a feeder, big style. The other girls in the department have noticeably put on weight since she started and the girl who sits next to her - in the space of my maternity leave she has gone from a size 8 to a size 18.

All this seems to be happening because the big girl is determined to feed everybody up and make them as big as her. They go out every single day (and I mean every day) to eat fast food at lunch time and every day she is pushing cakes, crisps, donuts and biscuits on you.

This is all well and good and it's their business what they eat and how much they weigh. But the problem is I don't want to do this. I don't want to eat fast food every day and I don't want to spend all day every day stuffing my face with biscuit and cake. Now this wouldn't be a problem but the big girl is getting really nasty about this and taking it as a personal snub, to the extent that my boss has told me she has complained to her that I am not working as one of the team and am removing myself from the teams group by refusing to take part in the lunches out etc. I don't mind going once a week but the last time I did this they wouldn't really talk to me because they seemed to take the attitude that if I wasn't good enough for them the rest of the week then they didn't want me there on one day. They seem to be equating my refusal to pig out with snobbery and thinking that I'm better than them but I really don't care what they do, I just prefer to be healthier.

The big girl in particular seems to be getting really angry about this, she really seems to have a mission to feed everybody up, I think it makes her feel better about her own weight to have other people around her be fat and having someone lose weight reminds her of her own shortcomings and frustrates her.

So am IBU, am I alienating myself from the team for the sake of something that's not worth it, should I just join in? Or am I right not to join in with the pigging out and stand my ground even though it's making my life uncomfortable. I feel like I can't tackle her direct about this as acknowledging the fact that she is big would be hurtful and make me look like a cow.

maybe you could just go out to lunch to the fast food places and just have a drink, just tell them you are on a diet and not eating junk but want to still want to go with with them, take your own food with you, not many fat food places will chuck you out for eating your own food. Just keep repeating no im on a diet when they shove junk towards you in the office. You could make some healthy snakes to take in and share.

Happiestinwellybobs - -

Tricky situation, OP. You're doing the right thing, so good on you for sticking to your guns here. Can you just ride it out? If you get any grief from your manager, you could be very frank about the health problems this excessive eating could cause and how you don't want any of that. Don't rub their faces in it, just carry on with your healthy eating and exercise and hope that bit by bit the rest of them see sense over this too.

maybe you could just go out to lunch to the fast food places and just have a drink, just tell them you are on a diet and not eating junk but want to still want to go with with them, take your own food with you, not many fat food places will chuck you out for eating your own food. Just keep repeating no im on a diet when they shove junk towards you in the office. You could make some healthy cakes or flapjacks to take in and share.

This sounds awful! Maybe tackle it another way...why don't you suggest that you all join a fitness club. Zumba, netball, swimming etc.

Just tell them that you are still losing weight and decline the food. Take in some grapes or other fruit to share round, or even bake a nice healthy cake for you to share so you can join in. It's a good idea to still go along and not eat the junk at some lunch times.

I'm constantly trying to lose weight and DH constantly eats biscuits and crisps etc so I know it's hard to watch what you weigh when surrounded with people who eat junk all the time.

We have lots of cake and biscuits in our office, one of the team brings in chips, pizza etc. and always offers to fetch it for everyone else, I tend to avoid it, no one gets upset, why would they.

You sound a bit obsessed with everyone else's weight TBH.

God it sounds like something out of Mean Girls

We have a lot of cakes and biscuits in the office. There are three or four people that bring them in but don't eat them. One Brought in a massive pile of chocolates and cakes after Christmas and explained she wanted to get rid of them in the office to avoid putting on weight. Some people may be fine with that sort of thing but I felt that this woman was treating her colleagues as a substitute for the bin.

I am overweight. I struggle with self control when im sitting a metre from a table full of nibbles and sweets the whole time. Lots of my team are on the heavy side. Ihate workplace feeders. It wouldn't be acceptable to push cigarettes to someone trying to quit smoking so I don't see why its okay to do this with food.

I think a lot of places have a collegue like this.
We do. I was called in to have an informal chat because I wouldn't partake in all the shite that was being served. Management hadn't realised that it was shite that was expected to be eaten. Was just told I don't go out for lunch etc with collegues.
I reminded management that what I do during my lunch break was my business. If he really wanted to get involved then they could start paying for this as paid work.. Plus unlike my collegues I don't really like shovelling my face with loads of shite. And it also makes me really ill, so of course I would expect full paid sick time.. They obviously backed down.

There was still lots and lots of remarks in the staff room and around the building about my eating habits.. I shut the feeder up once and for all, when I made an off hand comment, on a very bad day that it wasn't acceptable to push drugs so why the hell was it fine to push food. Albeit one is illegal, but either way you don't do it... This also gave others the courage to say actually I don't want it either.

exactly what mardybra said.

"Big girl"

Hmm well if I was your manager I'd be more concerned about people having time to sit and stuff their faces when they should be concentrating on their work, and I'd monitor sick leave because unhealthy diets don't make healthy employees. All those sugar spikes across the day makes for bad tempers and poor concentration.

All offices have a feeder. And the feeder is rarely slim. Sorry to those who don't like that but people have to take responsibility for their health and respect others decisions to do so.

Stick to your guns, you may find some of the weaker followers follow your lead.

I think I would feel upset if a group wanted me to go out and eat only their choices (devil wears prada/ugly betty offices) all the time, surely there is a way to compromise on where to go if going out as a group is expected for team building reasons?

Maybe a choice of places locally to eat on a rotational basis or even buy stuff in to eat so there is a selection. I would be thinking that if management needed to get involved some consideration as to are lunchtimes paid time or unpaid as well would be needed.

I don't think you have to abandon your food choices to stand up for yourself, nor be disparaging of others food choices if that's on their own time and crucially neither of you are being penalised in working time for making those choices (or calling each other names over it)

If I were making decisions as management here I would be clarifying what the expectations of 'lunches' are.

Yanbu. At all. Your lunch break is your time, it's not anti-social to not share this time with colleagues. I would be very blunt and just say sorry guys I can't face the temptation as I'm trying hard to lose baby weight and maybe bring in some 'healthy' treats every now and then to share with the others (I sneak in SW brownies/cakes all the time and no one has a clue!). No way would I be force-fed for the sake of making everyone else comfortable.

Yanbu at all, it sounds grim. I wouldn't get involved either. Where i work its the opposite - pretty much everyone seems to be on a diet. That can be tedious too.

And however you phrased the op, someone would be offended, it's so difficult to discuss anything weight related on here without it turning into a bunfight (no pun intended )

WorraLiberty said: I genuinely can't see how someone can go from a size 8 to a size 18 in a year, just because they work with someone who likes to give them food.

Doesn't make sense.

It does make sense, it's like Passive Smoking except this is Passive Eating.

Oh my god, she complained!!! Do a bit if fighting back by making some irresistible healthy snacks and offering them out

@ passive eating!

Nope I'm still not buying that she shot up 5 dress sizes just cos someone at work likes to pig out a lot.

My office is a bit (a lot) junk-inclined. But very nice, generous, people - always offering it around. I explain I can't eat refined sugar or wheat/gluten stuff since it makes me ill - and they're quite happy with a Proper Medical Excuse Justification. Perhaps if I'd been honest and said I wouldn't put that stuff in my body if you paid me, we'd all be a little angrier with each other.

As it is, I'm quite touched that they keep offering (they're really trying to include me), and they're quite sympathetic and feel a little sorry for me that I can't have their 'treats'. We're all happy and bonded by this daily set of exchanges.

I am going to try the bringing healthier snacks in route. I think that is less passive aggressive than going out with them and just having a drink but will give me a chance to join in more.

Worra, I'm estimating her dress size, it's not an exact science, I haven't been inspecting the labels on her clothes. But yes she has put a lot of weight on, I can put on half a stone on a two week holiday easily so I don't know why putting 3 or 4 stone on in 14 months is such a stretch.

And it's not because one person snacks. It's literally a box of Krispy Kremes, several packets of biscuits, a cake and a several family sized bags of crisps a day. Plus a burger or fried chicken meal on top of that and sometimes fried breakfast sandwiches. And they're not just sitting there for people to take, they're actively being foisted upon you, and people seem to take it almost passively without thinking just because it's put in front of them.

And I'm not preoccupied with their weight. I really don't give a stuff what they eat or how much they weigh it's none of my business and doesn't affect me. The only reason why I mention the girl who has put on so much weight is because it really just makes crystal clear exactly how bad their eating habits are and where it would lead. To be honest if I hadn't come back and been shocked by how much she had changed and it wasn't so obvious why I probably wouldn't have been so determined not to join in.

Every office I've ever worked in has a "feeder".

I'm in an office of 5 women at the moment and Colleague A has joined Slimming World - she's really focussed and 'in the zone' and is doing really well and lost quite a bit of weight over the past few months. However Colleague B, who introduced her to Slimming World and has after nearly six months failed to stick to it or lose any weight seems to be on a mission to get A to fall off the wagon, doing breakfast trips to the canteen for bacon sandwiches, bringing in cakes and chocolates, and literally not taking no for an answer from A.

Don't join in on their junk lunches out, or by pigging out on biscuits and crisps. Just be honest, tell them you're trying to lose weight. Or make up some medical excuse - an allergy to wheat/you're coeliac/IBS triggered by junk food.

It's literally a box of Krispy Kremes, several packets of biscuits, a cake and a several family sized bags of crisps a day. Plus a burger or fried chicken meal on top of that and sometimes fried breakfast sandwiches.

Fucking hell it must be costing the feeder a fortune bringing in that lot every day. What's she like in general as a person? It almost sounds like she's trying to buy popularity/friendship or something.

Well of course the feeder isn't going to be thin - they have major problems with food.

Op - complain about the bullying and that you shouldn't be forced to eat v unhealthy food.

I think every office has a feeder. We have one who brings in cupcakes every single day.

I work with people like this OP. Just take their offerings and say you will eat it later, then bin it. That way nobody gets upset.

Huge Bloody Well Done on losing the 2 stone by the way!