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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask anyone with a 13 year old boy (or similar age) to tell me what they are like?

124 replies

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 12/06/2013 08:23

DS is starting to really wind me up lately, answering me back when he didn't used to, lots of tutting and looking up at the sky, really winding up his sister which used to be now and again now seems all the time.

Just stormed off to school declaring he hates everyone no-one understands him, all because he told his sister he hated her and she got upset and I said he doesn't really mean it sweetheart, apparently I took her side !!! nothing happened before other than she was in his way when he was walking through.

I am sure this is just age related but to make me feel better and not alone would appreciate hearing other's stories.

Thanks :)

OP posts:

Ghostsgowoooh · 12/06/2013 18:37

My ds has been a nightmare since birth. Diagnosed with autism and adhd, he has been violent, had police involvement and social services, struggles at school, is anxious, also been caught smoking and is so hard going.

At 13 he is calming down a bit,he can make me laugh like anything and is very tactile. I hold on to the good times when we are going through the mill with him.

My 3 girls couldnt be more different

EleanorFarjeon · 12/06/2013 18:54

Our dishwasher broke today.

A new one is being delivered on Friday.

Our children are washing up their dinner things as I type. So that's 2 plates, 2 bowls, 2 glasses and some cutlery to wash. For the first time in their lives

You can't imagine the moaning and fuss they're making. They had a major fight about who was washing and who was drying.

They can't imagine that as a child, I was expected to help out with washing up every night.

heronsfly · 12/06/2013 18:56

Yours sound just like mine Eleanor . Im glad Im not alone.

Awitchwithoutchips · 12/06/2013 19:10

My 14yr old ds sounds like many others although no BO here, he showers every day, sometimes twice! Not so big on teeth cleaning though. I get the kk , drives me mad, going to pinch the potassium! I have gone from being the best mum to being rubbish, know nothing, don't know about clothes, hair etc. Funny that I buy his clothes as he refuses to shop and I cut his hair last week.

I did say out loud one day where has my nice little boy gone and he did stop and cuddle me and say I am still in here mum, I did ask that he could come out a little more often.

The tears and tempers have eased recently and he has been nicer, especially to his younger siblings, he actually plays with them for a short space of time daily. This was after they didn't include him in who they lived with at pre school as he spent so much time in his room and he got upset when told.

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 19:14

There is a meeting after school tomorrow for parents of the kids going on a trip in July. So I will have to go into school with DS1. I can't wait.

All his mates and their parents will be there. I envisage much cringing and grunting from DS1.

I may put my hand up and ask a totally bonkers question.

Ilovewaleswhenitrains · 12/06/2013 19:31

Yesterday my 14 yr old son left the house on time to get the bus for school. 15 minutes later he was pounding on the front door is a sweaty mess. He was so occupied in his ipod ( which never leaves his hand) he had walked past his rucksack. I gave him a lift to school, and was nearly late for work myself.

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 19:38

Ooh Ilove snap! On Monday we got nearly to his coach stop and he had forgotten his History homework. We went all the way home then I had to drop him at school. 24 mile round trip.

SacreBlue · 12/06/2013 19:40

ghost one of my nephews has ADHD but now at 19 you really couldn't ask for a lovelier young man, has a good job, nice gf, and while still being a bit if a lad, is wonderful to his mum and dad :)

Wuldric · 12/06/2013 19:47

Oh I can happily and smugly tell you about DS (13). The story around DD at 13 is neither happy nor smug. It culminated in her achieving the school record for the most detentions in a year (it is better now).

Still, never mind about DD. You asked about DS. He is adorable, cuddly, the same height as me (5'11") his room is tidy and only occasionally smelly. He has a well-developed sense of responsibility, will mow the lawn every week and cook a meal every week. He is almost unfailingly polite. He showers daily and uses a good deodorant. He attempted an eyeroll/backchat last week which lost him the months' allowance. He gets himself to school, sorts out his homework on time and nags me to sign letters for school trips and his school record. He asks before he brings friends around, and I never say not and feed them all willingly. He does eat a lot though.

Original poster

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 12/06/2013 20:01

Well after what happened this morning and reading that I am not alone, I casually mentioned to ds if he fancied going out for a pizza later just the 2 of us!! I was very surprised when he said "yes that will be nice", we went out had pizza (ok he did want to sit in a booth right in the corner with his back to everyone, but I can let that go lol) we had a lovely chat he talked more and freely than he has done in months, got back he was pleasant to everyone including his sister who he hugged and said nice things to. Its such a nice change of pace that we agreed to do it once a month. He opened up about a lot of his feelings and he often doesn't know why he reacts like he does it just happens, we chatted on how we can both make it easier, explained a few things and he took them on board.

I am not naive to think that its this phase over, but after the last few days/weeks/months nice for a little break in tradition :)

OP posts:

Tanith · 12/06/2013 20:11

Creeping I did the same when my DS turned 13

Op, pop onto Youtube and look for "Kevin becomes a teenager" - in fact, watch all Harry Enfield's Kevin sketches

BellaVita · 12/06/2013 20:22

DS2 (nearly 14) is a pain in the bloody arse . We have serious respect issues and goes out when grounded. Does his own thing. DH and I are very frustrated.

He has tonight however gone to Army Cadets --am hoping the Colour
Sargent can help us--. He wasn't happy about going, but a lot of the activities are right up his street. He was determined he wasn't going right up until the last minute.

DS1 however is a different boy altogether and have never ever had a minutes trouble with him apart from the odd "stop nagging me mother" when I mention the revision word.

BellaVita · 12/06/2013 20:25

Both are as clean as anything, clean clothes every day, showers every day, deodorant etc etc.

DS2's bedroom is shocking.

DS1's bedroom is tidy (hasn't ways been though).

HildaOgden · 12/06/2013 20:29

Thank you all for being so honest....I have felt like the biggest failure of a mother on the planet in the last year...so I'm hugely feeling the solidarity here!

I've had any smugness knocked out of me...I've gone from 'my son wouldn't do that' to 'my son did whaaaaat??.

I'm clinging on in there,hoping it all passes and we look back at this stage one day and laugh. and trying to find a way to dilute the damned testosterone

BellaVita · 12/06/2013 20:35

I spoke to our counsellor today that comes into the school I work at and was telling her about DS2. She told me all about her DS1 and what he used to get up to which was . I am comforted by the fact that he is now at Cambridge studying law...

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 20:43

I asked Ds1 what he wanted for Christmas last year. He said, and I quote 'A bit of bloody respect round here'

MyBoysAreFab · 12/06/2013 20:58

My ds's are nearly 12 and 14. They are both lovely and funny and clever.
But they are still just about all of the above mentioned on this thread. On a good day I find it amusing and sympathise with their teenage hormones, on a bad day I can be found in the corner rocking back and forth and muttering.

They got on brilliantly when younger, now they are always bickering with each other. DS1 showers daily, DS2 has been known to go into the bathroom, splash water on himself and pretend he has showered (may change soon as he has discovered girls)

The worst problem I have is DS1 getting up for school in the morning. He literally gets up as late a she can, has a shower, dries hair, dresses, eats breakfast gets ready and is out the door in 20 minutes. He is never late for school yet every morning I am a wreck after telling him 53 times to get up.

AudrinaAdare · 12/06/2013 21:15

Ah, so it was your DS who said that. That was classic, I remember the thread in chat at the time

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 21:20

YY Audrina i started a thread I was so appalled.

AudrinaAdare · 12/06/2013 21:21

DD turned thirteen yesterday. She has been at a new school since last Monday. Has risen to the occasion marvellously, doing homework etc and had a lovely day yesterday. Today we seem to have spent the entire evening lecturing about sloppiness, slovenliness and laziness. I thought she was just tired from her birthday but it's because she's thirteen now isn't it?

I don't want her to be like this until she gets laid by a member of the cast of Eastenders like , I want it to stop now!

Ghostsgowoooh · 12/06/2013 23:12

That's reassuring sacreblue. There is hope for ds yet then.
He is physically mature but mentally is more like a ten or eleven year old.

School work is non existent, he has behavioural points in double figures, I struggle to get him out the door in the mornings. He is vile to my six year old and cannot ever be left alone with her as he pushes her and hits her.

But. But. But. He is my boy and I love him. He did go up into the attic today and help tidy it up and he does now the grass for a price.

He is very clean, but his bedroom is not. Sigh.

Abra1d · 13/06/2013 07:57

They can be very sweet, teenage boys. Mine came in and helped me change my sheets yesterday because he thought I looked tired. I love the way you can sometimes see glimpses of the cute little boys they used to be, hidden under all the hair gel and Lynx and grunting.

glittertree · 13/06/2013 08:58

My boy is 14 and I am the most embarrassing parent in the world apparently...I am not allowed to walk near him ...I took him to the dentist and he refused to sit in the front seat with me instead he slouched down past the window in the back of the car whilst driving down the Main Street incase anyone spied him with his mum in the car ...once safely out of town he climbed from the back to the front and sat next to me....I am also in no circumstances to open the door and talk to his friends should they call round for him!! I have learned not to be hurt by this behaviour and find it quite funny ....

Travelledtheworld · 13/06/2013 12:58

OP my son may be your sons lost twin. Exactly the same behaviour, though occasionally when no one is looking he is kind and loving and gives me a furtive hug.

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