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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask anyone with a 13 year old boy (or similar age) to tell me what they are like?

124 replies

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 12/06/2013 08:23

DS is starting to really wind me up lately, answering me back when he didn't used to, lots of tutting and looking up at the sky, really winding up his sister which used to be now and again now seems all the time.

Just stormed off to school declaring he hates everyone no-one understands him, all because he told his sister he hated her and she got upset and I said he doesn't really mean it sweetheart, apparently I took her side !!! nothing happened before other than she was in his way when he was walking through.

I am sure this is just age related but to make me feel better and not alone would appreciate hearing other's stories.

Thanks :)

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 12:15

'kk' sounds a bit arsey Exit.

chocoluvva · 12/06/2013 12:17

One day DS will get round to putting credit on his phone (currently still on a bonus free 100mins talk-time) and send me a text. I will reply, 'Potassium' (which is the chemical element with the symbol, 'K'). He's doing chemistry at school. I bet he won't get my hilarious joke!

lollylaughs · 12/06/2013 12:19

chocoluvva potassium is hilarious

burberryqueen · 12/06/2013 12:20

or u could put 'potassium potassium'

bigbuttons · 12/06/2013 12:21

I do so miss my 13 yr old ds. I really really miss him. He was a very difficult baby and young boy, then we became very close. I do still se vestiges of him in there somewhere. He is not rude or defiant particularly. He is smelly and unwashed. his school uniform is ripped to shreds, he looks like a tamp, but doesn't care.
He is just withdrawn. he barely speaks, spends all his time online.
it's all normal I know, but I ache for the day he will reappear and as this year has gone on the changes become more and more marked..

TantrumsAndBalloons · 12/06/2013 12:25

I get kk as well.
Why? If you are typing 2 letters, why not the actual 2 letters?

Ds1 is 14.
If he has to go out in public with me, then he wears a hat and headphones and walks 5 feet behind.
The bedroom-I don't go in there anymore.

There is never anything to eat/wear/watch.
It's ridiculous for teachers to set homework.
He knows everything but god forbid I should ask him a question about anything. Because that is getting involved in his private business.

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 12:28

If I give Ds1 and his mates a lift anywhere I am not allowed to speak. At all.

SacreBlue · 12/06/2013 12:28

burberry I hope things get better. I was terrible as a teen and I now love and respect my parents so much more for having had to deal with me.

Somehow I have been blessed with a polite, well mannered, conservative and hardworking DS who is approaching 15 with only a few signs of 'teen strop' behaviour.

As we are on our own we have a lot of 'banter' and he is of course also addicted to lynx, tf2 gaming and the obligatory room as tip btw his excuse for the smell is that he is 'marking his territory' so my offers of febreeze are rejected with disdain but he has had Saturday work since he was at primary school and is obsessed with money since we haven't had much til now so he sees the benefit of working hard.

I don't know if I am on my own here but for ages I was a bit scared to have another child in case this one's behaviour is a fluke and I might get one like me next time

exexpat · 12/06/2013 12:40

This book by Quentin Blake should be compulsory reading to cheer up parents of teens: Zagazoo. A lovely young couple called George and Bella have a sweet little baby, but one day they wake up and discover it has turned into a screeching vulture - then a baby elephant - then a warthog - then a bad tempered dragon - then a bat - then a strange hairy creature that keeps getting bigger and hairier and stranger, and they start to despair... But then one day they wake up and discover that the creature has changed into a young man with perfect manners who brings them breakfast and offers to do odd jobs .

ConferencePear · 12/06/2013 12:44

You will get your lovely primary school DS back - eventually. I did.

BetterNotToSay · 12/06/2013 12:49

I have been told by many people that my DS (14) is very unlike his peers in this respect. At home, he is quiet, respectful, responsible, has a very close relationship with his sister (1/2 his age) and, aside from the fact that his bedroom is a tip, a fine young man. In public, he is the same.

He occasionally gets into conflict at school on group projects, but that is hardly uncommon, and it doesn't blow out of proportion.

He is hardly perfect... likes to lie in on weekends, needs reminders to shower and would enjoy more screen time than he gets, but when I hear about other boys the same age, I am reminded that I am VERY lucky with him.

barbie007 · 12/06/2013 13:00

DS is 13 and constantly tells me he hates having to spend time with the family. I think that's normal. I just tell him he's the cutest, sweetest and most handsome 13 year old ever. That always make him storm off which I find very funny.

WinterWinds · 12/06/2013 13:30

I must be really lucky, as i have 3 boys (2 still at home aged 17 and 14) and not had any problems with any of them. They are all pretty laid back

Youngest Ds (14). but no backchat, no moaning, no arguing, no attitude...nothing. He's very polite, considerate and great fun to be around.

Yes, their bedrooms can become a bit of a hovel but generally not too bad and youngest ds needs to be reminded to take a shower now and again.
The only issue i have (but went though it with all of them, Eldest DD included) is that that he can sleep sleep for England. Not really a problem if we have nothing planned but as we found on holiday recently was walking round totally and utterly miserable because we'd woken him up at lunchtime to go do something constructive!!!

Of course it has helped (when we realised he was staying up all night online therefore sleeping all day) that we now disconnect his internet connection at 11pm and he is no longer sleeping the day away on weekends and a bit chirpier too!!!!

Now Eldest DD....was a completely different kettle of fish and i am seriously dreading youngest DD's (aged 10) teenage years!

Give me boys any day!!!!

JilledOut · 12/06/2013 13:48

Asking my 13 year old to do anything does not work. Its seen as a suggestion so he has to be MADE to do everything. This means taking away his mouse and keyboard UNTIL everything on his list of items has been done. The list that hasn't changed for the last 12 years, eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, check school bag. Funnily enough he always remembers to turn on his Pc, turn on the Tv, switch to SKY Sports News, start up Minecraft every day which is why I now hide the remotes and his mouse until he's done his 'list'. That works but it is a hell of a waste of time every day through sheer stubbornness.

gazzalw · 12/06/2013 13:56

Ha, it sounds as if we could be talking about identikit teenage boy here.....

Ours is no different. DS (12) needs a checklist of basic activities of daily living otherwise he 'forgets' - brushing teeth, packing school bag, remembering to bring home PE kit, lunchbox etc.....It's all just too much. Funnily enough he can remember to turn on his PC though...

Yes, it is such a waste of time...he almost requires a full-time carer it's so bad some days....

And nothing is done without some sort of sigh or "do I have to?" comment.....

Fecklessdizzy · 12/06/2013 14:16

DS1 went through his arsey faze early, I think ... He would strop for England when he was 11ish but he's 14 now and very laid back and cheerful ( before you all start sticking pins in me I should add that he never stops eating, wears only black and skulls, won't cut his hair and thus costs me a king's ransom in shampoo and his room looks like the seventh pit of Hell and smells like a wrestler's jock-strap! )

His brother is only 12 so watch this space ...

JilledOut · 12/06/2013 14:34

Well they alwyas want the reward before the task is done and try all sorts of arguments and promises that just dont hold water. Don't fall for it 'DO first, get later' is the argument and dont allow any leeway at all, they will just exploit it.

JilledOut · 12/06/2013 14:47

Another thing I've noticed is that is always someone elses fault, all his friends get away with much worse, do far less homework, do hardly any revision (if any) and THEIR parents give them everything they want so what's your problem?

Curiously... speaking to the other mums at the school they all tell EXACTLY the same tale. They don't get away with much worse, they don't do less homework or revision and everything they get has to be worked for even if it is with extreme reticence, tantrums and 3 hours of argument over a 30 min task. Someone like, say, John Wyndham could write a story about this where a group of bright 13 yr olds try everything in their power to just get their own way.

Xenia · 12/06/2013 14:57

What has struck me about having 5 teenagers is how different they can all be (and the thread shows that too). Some can be just as they always were except a bit quieter. Others difficult.

I think it can help if they eat well (although it's hard to force a teenager to do anything) as that helps them be calm and feel happier. Never assume they are as uninterested in your view of them as they try to pretend. Delight in their successes however few those might be. Try to say 5 positive things to every negative one - in fact I'd put that first on my list.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 12/06/2013 15:08

I've switched Lynx for the lovely natural spray Lush make. Think it's called Gorrilla Spray. It's Lush's reponse to the synthetic, horrible deodarant teenage boys like to liberally spray all over themselves.
It's changed my life

Triumphoveradversity · 12/06/2013 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaluki · 12/06/2013 16:26

Having grown up in a house with three brothers i know that there are worse smells than lynx
My DS1 has just come in from school, dropped his bag and shoes, eaten inhaled 3 Bakewell tarts and a bag of crisps and is now plugged into his iPod!

I do love him!!,

DrCoconut · 12/06/2013 17:43

DS1 is a complete shower avoider. He's 14. I'm not sure if it's his ASD or his age. He also sleeps for hours at weekends emerging from his pit room well after mid day if we don't wake him.

Sparklingbrook · 12/06/2013 17:46

Sounds like mine DrC. He would gladly sleep all morning at weekends. Then he just layers the deodorant on from yesterday. Bleurgh.

He is fresh as a daisy for school as I make him have a shower every morning. Poor teachers can't have teen BO to add to their stress.

mymatemax · 12/06/2013 17:57

my 13 y old ds1 is lovely & great company makes me laugh like nobody else & is better than he was a yr or two ago (most of the time) however.

He smells, even though he claims to use shower gel & deodorant.
Is messy, clumsy & disorganised & is getting worse
Is spotty, even though he claims to use the facewash
His hair however is like a work of art!

He believes he knows EVERYTHING... derrrr Mum, what do you know!
& still strops at his brother & slams the door regularly.

Hopefully it wont get any worse :)

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